Ironweed
03-23-2003, 02:17 PM
Sunday, March 23, 2003 2:10 PM
Well, bollocks. I did no work from the last entry to this one. I posted at thephora. I lurked at DA. I think I need an intervention. The few entries from the at home journal will be appended to this pile of crap when I get around to it, later on today. This nonense must cease.
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew. St. François de Sales
Not the exact translation I was looking for, but it’s close enough.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 10:08 AM
Gaah. I do NOT want to be here today. I want to be home reading Why the South Lost the Civil War while drinking a nice cup of tea. I take my coffee black, but a lot of milk in my tea. Although it was sponsored by or at least affiliated with the Southern Historical Association, it’s the sort of book that would get a neo-Confederates panties in a massive twist. The book claims that the defeat was not due to battlefield losses, insufficient industrial base, the naval blockade, or state’s rights. It was due to a loss of will by white southerners. Interesting thesis, and more compelling than I would’ve thought at first glance. Picked it up solely by its title, and the fact that I was having trouble locating Chestnut’s Civil War (referenced earlier). I’m not sure I follow the grafting of theses of Clausewitz and Jomini to the battlefield discussions, but other than that it’s emininently readable. The different interpretations of events between the mainline protestant churches of north and south is fascinating. So is their claim that the blockade was an utter failure as long as ports like Wilmington remained in Southern hands. Too hard to get coal out to the ships on patrol, and they broke down with alarming regularity. That ain’t what I was taught in school, to put it mildly.
I remember reading in the liner notes of some obscure new-wave or punk LP (yes, LP) that this group was the soundtrack of “a world dissolving in shudders and hiccoughs.” (The Cramps? Mebee.) Wish I had a turntable that worked, since I have a ton of LPs. The one I’ve got is so annoying I unplugged it and shoved it upstairs. Nothing to do with the Civil War crap, just how I feel sometimes.
Whatever. I’m out of here at 1:00. Just decided that.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 9:19 AM
I’ve had this taped above my computer at work for so long I no longer truly notice it.
We ought then to check in the series of our thoughts everything that is without a purpose and useless, but most of all the over-curious feeling and the malignant; and a man should use himself to think of those things only about which if one should suddenly ask, What hast thou now in thy thoughts? With perfect openness thou mightest, immediately answer, This or That; so that from thy words it should be plain that everything in thee is simple and benevolent, and such as befits a social animal, and one that cares not for thoughts about pleasure or sensual enjoyments at all, nor has any rivalry or envy and suspicion, or anything else for which thou wouldst blush if thou shouldst say that thou hadst it in thy mind.
It’s from the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, somewhere in Book 3.
I certainly fail to even try to live by it. What a vast sea of failure I am.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 8:50 AM
I think I’m going to start doing the journal-from-work thing. I’m not happy about this change, simply bowing to the reality of the situation. Doing it at work means I won’t have the time to think about things or to research whether or not I’ve got my facts straight. I guess I can try to do it at home at night, possibly before the wife gets home from work.
I had a bad day yesterday, in terms of keeping my promise not go on message boards from work. In fact, I utterly abrogated the pledge. I am not happy about this, either. It means that I’m here at work on a Sunday. It means my timesheets will contain considerable padding. It means I am misleading my wife about how I am spending my time. Yet, I seem unable to pull myself away from them. I ignore the small still voice in my head that tells me to behave with honor.
I am such a child sometimes. I have also not started exercising again, in spite of my whiny protestations otherwise. Hmph. I’m also not keeping the promise to do this on a weekly basis. This is day 8 of entries in this file. Well, screw it.
Interesting thought: This series of whiny, random messages is the methadone to the heroin of message boards. Since it is rather unsatisfying I don’t do it long term. But it does keep me off them. Yesterday I made no entries to this file. I also wasted gobs of time on-line.
Went to the library yesterday, and, out of guilt took out Mary Chestnut’s Civil War. I thought about it, and realized I didn’t remember the work as well as I first thought. So, I need to re-read it to see if my remarks about her being an annoying broad hold water or not. God knows when I’ll get to it. But, if intentions count for anything, I’d be on top of the world.
Ever notice how there’s a dearth of source documents when you’re trying to read about history? Any period, any subject. My local library has hundreds, possibly, thousands of books on World War II, a few hundred on the Civil War, etc. Yet, if you want to try to read treaties, communications between allies and warring parties, generals to their political leaders, that sort of thing, there really isn’t much there. Granted, this is a public and not a university library so I should be happy with what I’ve got, but still, why shelves of books ABOUT a period, and very little BY the people who lived in a period? Very curious, indeed.
Well, time to get to work. I’m also back trying to keep the pledge.
Friday, March 21, 2003 4:50 PM
I feel ground down. I hate people.
Friday, March 21, 2003 4:25 PM
Marcus Aurelius was arguably a diarist of sorts. Although he seldom hit on the particulars of his life, I’m not sure what else you could realistically call his Meditations.
Friday, March 21, 2003 3:56 PM
The damn puppy is cramping my style, at least in term s of keeping a journal. I’m not sure when I’m gonna get back into the swing of things, at least at home. Possibly switch to doing the rambling whilst at home at night? Usually though I’m so tired I’m not sure it would work. Plus, the wife would likely get nosy. It’s my damn journal. If she wants to keep one, let her.
The other option would be to do it here, at work. Well, we’ll have to think about that. That may be the way to go. For some reason that doesn’t appeal to me, though. I guess I want a fire wall between short term and long term drivel.
Thursday, March 20, 2003 10:24 AM
I have been going back and forth with this penar for weeks now, and each time he sends something else over he infuriates me even more. Idiotic to get angry about it, but there you have it. Something about this character makes me want to wash my hands.
Thursday, March 20, 2003 7:50 AM
Yep, I’m officially slacking on the at home journal. Nothing of any excitement has happened, unless you count a puppy widdling on the wall to wall carpet. O/D’d on reality television last night. Taped American Idol, watched Survivor. Both shows failed to capture my interest.
Forgot to mention that a couple days ago I watched the most god-awful movie, Barton Fink. By the people who did Raising Arizona, which was about 16,000 times better. Incoherent, stupid and tedious. Plus no car crashes or chicks getting naked.
Broke with my no lurking or even posting vow at DA. Oops. I said my opinion would probably change in 24 hours or so. As it says in the Bible:
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
Well, that about sums up my life. I certainly repeat my follies. The new puppy hasn’t puked yet, so I can’t test the first part of the statement.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 3:11 PM
Must’ve heard me. The stream is down. Oh, woe is me. No Rush Limbaugh for me today.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 2:55 PM
ROFL, what a knucklehead Rush Limbaugh is. Can be entertaining, though. Found a station that still streams his show for free. It is on an hour delay, but beggars can’t be choosers. I sort of agree with him on some things, though. But, god, is he obnoxious. I’d think that if I agreed with 100% of what he says. One more hour of his amusing bombast to help me through my work day.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 2:08 PM
That new dog is putting a kibosh on my whining, both here and at home. Funny how that happens. Tough to sit around contemplating your navel when you’re worried about doodies on the kitchen floor.
The quote from my planner for today:
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahil Gibran
What a pile of crap. Blaming the victim by another name? I think so. You choose to get stomach cancer? Women choose to get raped? Hogwash. Utter twaddle. Sorry, that just rubbed me the wrong way.
I’m probably going to have to do the longer journal entry at home before bed time, at least for a while.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 3:33 PM
I broke my vow and lurked at DA. It was boring, same tedious crap as the last time I looked in. I guess that was sort of what made thephora read-able, knowing that there was always a Hell forum to flame the eff out of each other if things got tedious.
The above is ironic, b/c one of things I first liked about DA is that they require posters to behave as a reasonable fascimilie of human. No pleasing me, I guess. I’ll probably think different tomorrow.
I don’t feel bad about lurking in, b/c I don’t feel like I’m missing much, at least at the moment.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 3:05 PM
Which is more pathetic: That I watch American Idol or that I look forward to watching American Idol? I think I like it more than Survivor now.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 2:39 PM
Good grief am I bored. Zzzzzzz. I think the best definition of an adult I’ve ever heard is someone who can tolerate being bored for long periods of time. Proof positive I’ll never grow up.
I think I’ll change my moniker at TMF after tax season. I’m no longer InkJetLabel in any meaningful sense. I seem to have come to kind of a dark place, and it’s no longer appropriate for me to be a light hearted driveler. Too bad they didn’t just dump my ID when they had the chance. Too bad I’m too cheap to actually pay for an ID. Then I’d just walk away from InkJetLabel. Well, maybe I should think about this before taking such a precipitate step.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 11:46 AM
I wonder if I’m coming down with something. God, am I tired. I also feel achy, in my back, knees and shoulders. Probably just getting old.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 9:06 AM
All of sudden the temptation to go on-line hit me again. Generally happens when I’m frustrated or annoyed, and I’m both at the moment. Typing it out here actually helps me work through the temptation. Still kind of silly though. Poor impulse control on my part. But, I knew that.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 7:56 AM
My home entries are getting shorter and shorter. This is not a good thing. These ramblings were supposed to be just that: disconnected bits of nonsense I’d type when I felt like it with no great thought. Yet, they seem to be overwhelming the at home journal. ‘Course, the new dog isn’t helping much either. I’m sure he’ll settle down in a month or two. He’s actually doing amazing well with doing his number 1’s outside. The number twos, unfortunately, need some work. Plus, the whole crate thing isn’t going. Damn dog just don’t like it much. Whines and cries whenever put inside it.
Well, another busy day today.
This is annoying: My favorite online music station, Classicfm.com has gotten very wonky in the server department. Keeps crashing. Since they’re a commerical British station, I wonder if they’re doing things to obviously American IP codes. I’m obviously not going to be purchasing Broadband service from British Telecom or some brand of microwave pizza that I’ve never heard of advertised as “#1 in America.” Wonder how they can say that? Anyway, their advertising is amusing, but I’m obviously not in their target market. Still sucks, though. Their music is a bit more accessible than the NPR stations, plus they play music before 9 AM my time and after 4 PM my time. Since I know next to nothing about classical music I need my stuff watered down.
Monday, March 17, 2003 8:05 AM
I am around 60 pounds overweight, and would like to do something about it. Not sure what yet, but I need to do something. Christ, there I go again, making something simple complicated. Stop eating so much ya fat pig. Start exercising again. It ain’t rocket science.
Also exhausted this AM. Not sure why. I did nothing yesterday, other than go get the damn dog. Well, let’s focus on getting some work done. That should keep my mind off how tired I feel. I also think it’s time I awoke to the fact that doing what I do accuracy is less important than speed. No that you ignore accuracy, simply that getting to 100% is not worth it in terms of the time spent. That’s a trap I often fall into. It’s one I need to learn to avoid.
The drain in the yard FINALLY unfroze, sometime early this morning. When I took the dog out this AM I could actually hear the water running out of the pipe. It sounded like a small brook it was so much. When I drove to work I checked it again. Water was still coming out, but at nowhere near the volume of earlier. Wotta mess that was. We gotta do something to our basement to prevent this nonsense in the future. I guess it could have been worse, but what we went through was no fun.
Well, bollocks. I did no work from the last entry to this one. I posted at thephora. I lurked at DA. I think I need an intervention. The few entries from the at home journal will be appended to this pile of crap when I get around to it, later on today. This nonense must cease.
Have patience with all things, but chiefly have patience with yourself. Do not lose courage in considering your own imperfections but instantly set about remedying them -- every day begin the task anew. St. François de Sales
Not the exact translation I was looking for, but it’s close enough.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 10:08 AM
Gaah. I do NOT want to be here today. I want to be home reading Why the South Lost the Civil War while drinking a nice cup of tea. I take my coffee black, but a lot of milk in my tea. Although it was sponsored by or at least affiliated with the Southern Historical Association, it’s the sort of book that would get a neo-Confederates panties in a massive twist. The book claims that the defeat was not due to battlefield losses, insufficient industrial base, the naval blockade, or state’s rights. It was due to a loss of will by white southerners. Interesting thesis, and more compelling than I would’ve thought at first glance. Picked it up solely by its title, and the fact that I was having trouble locating Chestnut’s Civil War (referenced earlier). I’m not sure I follow the grafting of theses of Clausewitz and Jomini to the battlefield discussions, but other than that it’s emininently readable. The different interpretations of events between the mainline protestant churches of north and south is fascinating. So is their claim that the blockade was an utter failure as long as ports like Wilmington remained in Southern hands. Too hard to get coal out to the ships on patrol, and they broke down with alarming regularity. That ain’t what I was taught in school, to put it mildly.
I remember reading in the liner notes of some obscure new-wave or punk LP (yes, LP) that this group was the soundtrack of “a world dissolving in shudders and hiccoughs.” (The Cramps? Mebee.) Wish I had a turntable that worked, since I have a ton of LPs. The one I’ve got is so annoying I unplugged it and shoved it upstairs. Nothing to do with the Civil War crap, just how I feel sometimes.
Whatever. I’m out of here at 1:00. Just decided that.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 9:19 AM
I’ve had this taped above my computer at work for so long I no longer truly notice it.
We ought then to check in the series of our thoughts everything that is without a purpose and useless, but most of all the over-curious feeling and the malignant; and a man should use himself to think of those things only about which if one should suddenly ask, What hast thou now in thy thoughts? With perfect openness thou mightest, immediately answer, This or That; so that from thy words it should be plain that everything in thee is simple and benevolent, and such as befits a social animal, and one that cares not for thoughts about pleasure or sensual enjoyments at all, nor has any rivalry or envy and suspicion, or anything else for which thou wouldst blush if thou shouldst say that thou hadst it in thy mind.
It’s from the Meditations of Marcus Aurelius, somewhere in Book 3.
I certainly fail to even try to live by it. What a vast sea of failure I am.
Sunday, March 23, 2003 8:50 AM
I think I’m going to start doing the journal-from-work thing. I’m not happy about this change, simply bowing to the reality of the situation. Doing it at work means I won’t have the time to think about things or to research whether or not I’ve got my facts straight. I guess I can try to do it at home at night, possibly before the wife gets home from work.
I had a bad day yesterday, in terms of keeping my promise not go on message boards from work. In fact, I utterly abrogated the pledge. I am not happy about this, either. It means that I’m here at work on a Sunday. It means my timesheets will contain considerable padding. It means I am misleading my wife about how I am spending my time. Yet, I seem unable to pull myself away from them. I ignore the small still voice in my head that tells me to behave with honor.
I am such a child sometimes. I have also not started exercising again, in spite of my whiny protestations otherwise. Hmph. I’m also not keeping the promise to do this on a weekly basis. This is day 8 of entries in this file. Well, screw it.
Interesting thought: This series of whiny, random messages is the methadone to the heroin of message boards. Since it is rather unsatisfying I don’t do it long term. But it does keep me off them. Yesterday I made no entries to this file. I also wasted gobs of time on-line.
Went to the library yesterday, and, out of guilt took out Mary Chestnut’s Civil War. I thought about it, and realized I didn’t remember the work as well as I first thought. So, I need to re-read it to see if my remarks about her being an annoying broad hold water or not. God knows when I’ll get to it. But, if intentions count for anything, I’d be on top of the world.
Ever notice how there’s a dearth of source documents when you’re trying to read about history? Any period, any subject. My local library has hundreds, possibly, thousands of books on World War II, a few hundred on the Civil War, etc. Yet, if you want to try to read treaties, communications between allies and warring parties, generals to their political leaders, that sort of thing, there really isn’t much there. Granted, this is a public and not a university library so I should be happy with what I’ve got, but still, why shelves of books ABOUT a period, and very little BY the people who lived in a period? Very curious, indeed.
Well, time to get to work. I’m also back trying to keep the pledge.
Friday, March 21, 2003 4:50 PM
I feel ground down. I hate people.
Friday, March 21, 2003 4:25 PM
Marcus Aurelius was arguably a diarist of sorts. Although he seldom hit on the particulars of his life, I’m not sure what else you could realistically call his Meditations.
Friday, March 21, 2003 3:56 PM
The damn puppy is cramping my style, at least in term s of keeping a journal. I’m not sure when I’m gonna get back into the swing of things, at least at home. Possibly switch to doing the rambling whilst at home at night? Usually though I’m so tired I’m not sure it would work. Plus, the wife would likely get nosy. It’s my damn journal. If she wants to keep one, let her.
The other option would be to do it here, at work. Well, we’ll have to think about that. That may be the way to go. For some reason that doesn’t appeal to me, though. I guess I want a fire wall between short term and long term drivel.
Thursday, March 20, 2003 10:24 AM
I have been going back and forth with this penar for weeks now, and each time he sends something else over he infuriates me even more. Idiotic to get angry about it, but there you have it. Something about this character makes me want to wash my hands.
Thursday, March 20, 2003 7:50 AM
Yep, I’m officially slacking on the at home journal. Nothing of any excitement has happened, unless you count a puppy widdling on the wall to wall carpet. O/D’d on reality television last night. Taped American Idol, watched Survivor. Both shows failed to capture my interest.
Forgot to mention that a couple days ago I watched the most god-awful movie, Barton Fink. By the people who did Raising Arizona, which was about 16,000 times better. Incoherent, stupid and tedious. Plus no car crashes or chicks getting naked.
Broke with my no lurking or even posting vow at DA. Oops. I said my opinion would probably change in 24 hours or so. As it says in the Bible:
Proverbs 26:11 As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly.
Well, that about sums up my life. I certainly repeat my follies. The new puppy hasn’t puked yet, so I can’t test the first part of the statement.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 3:11 PM
Must’ve heard me. The stream is down. Oh, woe is me. No Rush Limbaugh for me today.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 2:55 PM
ROFL, what a knucklehead Rush Limbaugh is. Can be entertaining, though. Found a station that still streams his show for free. It is on an hour delay, but beggars can’t be choosers. I sort of agree with him on some things, though. But, god, is he obnoxious. I’d think that if I agreed with 100% of what he says. One more hour of his amusing bombast to help me through my work day.
Wednesday, March 19, 2003 2:08 PM
That new dog is putting a kibosh on my whining, both here and at home. Funny how that happens. Tough to sit around contemplating your navel when you’re worried about doodies on the kitchen floor.
The quote from my planner for today:
We choose our joys and sorrows long before we experience them. – Kahil Gibran
What a pile of crap. Blaming the victim by another name? I think so. You choose to get stomach cancer? Women choose to get raped? Hogwash. Utter twaddle. Sorry, that just rubbed me the wrong way.
I’m probably going to have to do the longer journal entry at home before bed time, at least for a while.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 3:33 PM
I broke my vow and lurked at DA. It was boring, same tedious crap as the last time I looked in. I guess that was sort of what made thephora read-able, knowing that there was always a Hell forum to flame the eff out of each other if things got tedious.
The above is ironic, b/c one of things I first liked about DA is that they require posters to behave as a reasonable fascimilie of human. No pleasing me, I guess. I’ll probably think different tomorrow.
I don’t feel bad about lurking in, b/c I don’t feel like I’m missing much, at least at the moment.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 3:05 PM
Which is more pathetic: That I watch American Idol or that I look forward to watching American Idol? I think I like it more than Survivor now.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 2:39 PM
Good grief am I bored. Zzzzzzz. I think the best definition of an adult I’ve ever heard is someone who can tolerate being bored for long periods of time. Proof positive I’ll never grow up.
I think I’ll change my moniker at TMF after tax season. I’m no longer InkJetLabel in any meaningful sense. I seem to have come to kind of a dark place, and it’s no longer appropriate for me to be a light hearted driveler. Too bad they didn’t just dump my ID when they had the chance. Too bad I’m too cheap to actually pay for an ID. Then I’d just walk away from InkJetLabel. Well, maybe I should think about this before taking such a precipitate step.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 11:46 AM
I wonder if I’m coming down with something. God, am I tired. I also feel achy, in my back, knees and shoulders. Probably just getting old.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 9:06 AM
All of sudden the temptation to go on-line hit me again. Generally happens when I’m frustrated or annoyed, and I’m both at the moment. Typing it out here actually helps me work through the temptation. Still kind of silly though. Poor impulse control on my part. But, I knew that.
Tuesday, March 18, 2003 7:56 AM
My home entries are getting shorter and shorter. This is not a good thing. These ramblings were supposed to be just that: disconnected bits of nonsense I’d type when I felt like it with no great thought. Yet, they seem to be overwhelming the at home journal. ‘Course, the new dog isn’t helping much either. I’m sure he’ll settle down in a month or two. He’s actually doing amazing well with doing his number 1’s outside. The number twos, unfortunately, need some work. Plus, the whole crate thing isn’t going. Damn dog just don’t like it much. Whines and cries whenever put inside it.
Well, another busy day today.
This is annoying: My favorite online music station, Classicfm.com has gotten very wonky in the server department. Keeps crashing. Since they’re a commerical British station, I wonder if they’re doing things to obviously American IP codes. I’m obviously not going to be purchasing Broadband service from British Telecom or some brand of microwave pizza that I’ve never heard of advertised as “#1 in America.” Wonder how they can say that? Anyway, their advertising is amusing, but I’m obviously not in their target market. Still sucks, though. Their music is a bit more accessible than the NPR stations, plus they play music before 9 AM my time and after 4 PM my time. Since I know next to nothing about classical music I need my stuff watered down.
Monday, March 17, 2003 8:05 AM
I am around 60 pounds overweight, and would like to do something about it. Not sure what yet, but I need to do something. Christ, there I go again, making something simple complicated. Stop eating so much ya fat pig. Start exercising again. It ain’t rocket science.
Also exhausted this AM. Not sure why. I did nothing yesterday, other than go get the damn dog. Well, let’s focus on getting some work done. That should keep my mind off how tired I feel. I also think it’s time I awoke to the fact that doing what I do accuracy is less important than speed. No that you ignore accuracy, simply that getting to 100% is not worth it in terms of the time spent. That’s a trap I often fall into. It’s one I need to learn to avoid.
The drain in the yard FINALLY unfroze, sometime early this morning. When I took the dog out this AM I could actually hear the water running out of the pipe. It sounded like a small brook it was so much. When I drove to work I checked it again. Water was still coming out, but at nowhere near the volume of earlier. Wotta mess that was. We gotta do something to our basement to prevent this nonsense in the future. I guess it could have been worse, but what we went through was no fun.