You know how you hear about those animals on the discovery channel or while flipping through a national geographic that have mates for life? And you think, wow, impressive! who knew that a bird of prey would want to bang the same chick (!) for all 20 years of it's life?
so my question to you is, does the institution of marriage conflict with our biological programming? isn't the divorce rate over 50% now? are we striving towards life long monogomy when really it's just not us?
Being from a family full of divorcees, i'm probably just a cynic. But then i hear of romantic, "i knew she was the one" "I saw my children in his eyes" kind of stories and I begin to think that maybe this whole mate for life thing could work. sigh....

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Je t'adore! ruff ruff

I think people just jump the gun on the whole thing. There are combinations that work beautifully together, but folks are just in such a hurry to find their one true that they cut corners and convince themselves that who they're with is who they must be with forever. Life-long love is rare, and with longer lives it becomes rarer still. Oh well, c'est la vie.

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I'm lonely, in my reflection
Staring back, right back at me
I'm losing my connection
To who I am, who I meant to be

Studies show that these "mate for life" species fool around (Audobon did some DNA research) WAY more than expected (majority).

"Mate for Life" is a human LEARNED characteristic. Honestly, I'm a VERY loving and affectionate person. I'm deeply in love right now with a wonderful woman I COULD spend the rest of my life with. But, that no more impairs my desire nor drive for sex than the threat of physical harm fooling around could provide!

Males just aren't "wired" for monogamy. Honestly, I don't think many women are, either. The stronger the male the more desire we have to spread our "seed". It's the natural order of things.



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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

On a biological level I think we're not setup for mating for life. As Dave said, the desires/urges are just too strong.

Mating for life is really a show of emotion, and something purely based upon feelings/desires.



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Manu Narayan

Must....hold....back....repressed....anger.....fro m.....recent.....divorce........Ugh......fight.... .the .....urge........

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Let if flow Jester-man . . . let it flow. Spew forth and purge those thoughts . . . LOL!

Let's get it ALL out on the table so we can wade through it . . . and filter out the evil . . . and make mudpies with the rest! LMAO!!!!

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

ok, here i go-
1. In my opionion, women are better built for relationships, and men to wander.
2. we are civilized, and can control ourselves, but forcing youself to do "whats right" doesnt work sometimes.
3. It is toooooo easy to get married. And some churches want it to be harder to get divorced. The real solution imo, is to make marriage more difficult. If I can get married to someone i met in las vagas that night, then its too dam easy.
4. my advice, if you must get married, dont do it young. people change, and young people change the most.

Originally posted by ChaoticThoughts:
4. my advice, if you must get married, dont do it young. people change, and young people change the most.


yeah i fully agree. I've heard of 3 successful "love at first sight" renditions lately, and 2 of them happened to people who had already been married before to the wrong person, and were now older and wiser. The other one, i'm really interested in seeing if it works out... she married this guy she had known when they were around 17; both from neighboring little towns in louisianna. they re-met maybe 7 years later and fell instantly in love. and they seem incredibly commited to making it work forever- and they're pretty perfect for each other... still, people do change, and i have to wonder if their intensity and passion will fade someday....

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Je t'adore! ruff ruff

Originally posted by Succubus:
You know how you hear about those animals on the discovery channel or while flipping through a national geographic that have mates for life? And you think, wow, impressive! who knew that a bird of prey would want to bang the same chick (!) for all 20 years of it's life?
so my question to you is, does the institution of marriage conflict with our biological programming? isn't the divorce rate over 50% now? are we striving towards life long monogomy when really it's just not us?
Being from a family full of divorcees, i'm probably just a cynic. But then i hear of romantic, "i knew she was the one" "I saw my children in his eyes" kind of stories and I begin to think that maybe this whole mate for life thing could work. sigh....


I've read a few books that draw out men's sexual needs and women's emotional needs. It's what keeps the species going. I used to believe monogamy wasn't natural... sometimes I still wonder about it.

I still creep out at romantic terminology, but the fact is love is a verb, and I am sure you will fall out of love with your spouse sooner or later, but the mutual respect and admiration you have for eachother makes you work towards common ground. Granted, you do need to find someone you have similar goals with.

I never wanted to admit to myself I knew Fred was the one, hell, I love sex, I love to experiment, and I have had experiences with people of the same sex, why would I want to put a dent in my life? I don't think you can help it, when you actually realize you're completely comfortable with the person you're with. It's quite scary, especially if it goes against anything you've ever wanted or believed in. In the end, I'm glad I never settled for anything less. I always wondered if I was going to be alone for the rest of my life being that I keep "my world" seperate from most of the people I was dating unless I saw fit they needed to be included. Being alone never bothered me, I am quite comfortable with myself... sadly, most people aren't, so they seek out empty relationships to fill the gap, sometimes marry... sometimes have children and very often divorce.

Whoa, I went off on a tangent... lol. Sorry http://discussanything.com/Ubb/smile.gif

Cristina-

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"If you expect the worst from a person, you can't ever be disappointed... The pessimist takes a sort of gloomy pleasure in observing the depths to which human behaviour can sink. Everyone likes to have his deepest convictions confirmed; that is one of the most abiding of human satisfaction." ---
Anthony Burgess
The Wanting Seed

I think that women are more prone to naturaly monogomy than men but that once the kids start getting older that changes. I think that it is based on the whole need to survive thing that is programmed in our genes from the jungle days. Men find a mate, have several kids but when the woman is done having kids, men have a midlife crisis and go off to propagate the species with a 20 something.

I think that the part that is missing from the species now is kids. We are having fewer children so the itch comes sooner (think 7 year itch here). Couples are even choosing not to have kids at all. Offspring are the glue that holds monogomus bonds together, without em, they fall apart easier. That coupled with the fairy tale romance without any work crud that entertainment industry impresses upon us as normal and the waaaay too much ease of getting a divorce these days, is going to tear society as we know it apart eventually.

Humans prolly are not biologically programmed for monomagomy(sp) but guess what? We have the ability to understnad what it means and know how important it is. It may not be preprogrammed but it dosen't mean that humans shouldn't live it.

John

Socially things are in a state of upset....Before: Males=Hunters, gatherers, "Me get food, fire good." Females=Nesting, Nurturer, "Me make babies, Cook food."

Now that evolution comes and time passes things become skewed be it for good or bad.

Males had the need to spread out and procreate because our life spans were not nearly as good as it is now. This change also changes things on a life level. Now there is much more time to ponder and to gather and to nest. It causes pause and rethought on all mankind not just males or females.

Humans are just virii. We don't really do anything that makes us all that different from virii. We consume, destroy, replicate. Anything that we do takes from something else. Animals kill to survive, to protect. We kill to survive, to protect, for sport, for fun. Animals don't destroy on purpose they don't try to expand and control. We do. In the scheme of things if you can find the person that wants to be monogomous or not doesn't matter.

But for the record I believe in monogomy(SP?) it just has to be with a person that fulfills what I can't seem to find in just one person. Picky yes, but I like it too.

Bilogicaly Programed no...Culturaly programed yes. *wanders off*

Originally posted by TheGreatMonkey
Bilogicaly Programed no...Culturaly programed yes. *wanders off*

I agree, I think monogamy for life is a human ideal and not biologically programmed. It doesn't mean that humans can't be monogamous, it just means that insisting that everyone has to be is foolish