Up until recently I never realized how many people are into the friends with benefit thing. Talking to a few people I have realized that for some this is a common thing. So, I was wondering how many of you do or have had a freind that you randomnly hang out with and participate in physical activities?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Funny...I realized the same thing about my friends last week LOL I think it disgusting though..but to each his/her own!

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***"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."***

I suppose you mean "scratch my back and I'll scratch yours", exept it's not scratching, and it's not the back. No, not me.

Most people I know seem content with just a hug.

[This message has been edited by Dilbert (edited 07-08-2001).]

I've done it...more than once...it's nice in the sense that you've got a friendship and the physical aspects of a relationship without the stress of maintaining an actual relationship. However, there's no stability, and it's difficult to maintain over a long period of time without either ending up in a relationship, just friends and no benefits, or not friends at all. It really depends on the situation - in some cases it can be terrific, but there's just something missing. I'd rather be in a real relationship with someone I care about...but on the same token, I'd rather do the friends with benefits thing than try to maintain a relationship with someone I don't really care about, or spend the rest of my life choosing between random hookups at parties and a life without any physical gratification (not necessarily sex - friends with benefits doesn't necessarily mean that).

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"I have no regrets. Regret only makes wrinkles." - Sophia Loren

This is never something I'd do with a friend I value, and I value every friend I've got, so I suppose I'm out of the game. Of course, I didn't always think that way. I've lost wonderful friends in my time due to a magnetic attraction that neither of us could just deal with. Things tend to just get weird after you cross that line, then skitter back to the other side again. You start wondering what was behind the act, and with friends, it's never as simple as, "I was horny, and you were the closest."

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Seven stage denial to break the pieces further
To whisper on the wind how you can't appease me further
To color all your words with the stain of introspection
To hope to realign the webs of fate we're spinning

The entire concept of having a friend that you sleep with like a booty call has aways bothered me. It seems sooo sleezy for some reason. Dont get me wrong, Im no prude but this is a real turn off. I like relationships or even one night stands but not the booty call crap. I once had a girl friend that used to maintian "friends like that and it bothered me to know end to think of it. It just seems sleezy.

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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

Mmmmmmmm . . . weeeeeeeellll . . . I've had a few friends like that (all female . . . go figure, huh?). In each and every case they were female friends that I liked but either not enough to drop everything to pursue, or they were not available often (work, location, etc. . .).

For the most part, it was 95% friendship mixed with opportunity. I KNEW that that status wouldn't last, but it was fun, and, quite honestly, those "friends" have a unique perspective about me. They know what I'm like on each side of the bedroom door. I can't tell you how great it is to have someone who you're TRULY friends with that knows so much about you and ISN'T interested in playing some kind of game.

Would I do it now (if I were single)? Probably not (IF I were single . . . definitely not now). Maybe, though. It's on a case by case situation for most people. Not just anyone can do it and maintain any kind of stability.

Durden marked my feelings on it well.

I woudl NEVER do this with a friendship that was highly valued, because the chance of catatrophe is HUGE.

And like Aphasia said, Id prefer to be in a meaningful relationship.

But with those said, at this point in my life, and my current way of thinking, I don't see myself ever being in a FWB position again. It is just silly...

Very...immature?

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Manu Narayan

Manu . . . I don't think it's immature as the FWB ONLY works as long as both people are mature enough (and on the same level) to realize the basis for the current state of relationship.

I think the only time this all breaks down is when one (and only one) of the partners desires a change in status.

Then again, I could be full of ****. LOL!

hah, well I guess FWB in a high school/college sense is.

I have honestly never seen a FWB thing work out. Where both parties end their relationship and someone doesn't get hurt or go psycho...

In that regards, it seems immature to me. It is the lack of comitment, and the lack of thinking ahead. It is either immature or malicious I supose...

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Manu Narayan

I do it all the time. Its the only way to fly... I dont think its immature either, you have to be mature enough to not want to control the other persons life and respect their freedom and feelings, and none of mine have ended with people going psycho or getting devastated.

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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

[This message has been edited by CodyChaos (edited 07-09-2001).]

Mature to not want to control someone else's life?

A relationship isn't control. A relationship isn't limiting freedom. It is a show of LOVE and DEVOTION. Something I think is majorly lacking now a days...

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Manu Narayan

Originally posted by Manu:
Mature to not want to control someone else's life?

A relationship isn't control. A relationship isn't limiting freedom. It is a show of LOVE and DEVOTION. Something I think is majorly lacking now a days...



I AGREE!!!



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***"Now faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see."***

I think what he meant was more that it does take a level of maturity to maintain a decent FWB relationship. There's the tendency to want more (commitment, stability, etc.), but in order for the relationship to work out, you have to just ignore that and go with what you have. That's not a knock on 'real' relationships, it's just the way that FWB situations work.

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"I have no regrets. Regret only makes wrinkles." - Sophia Loren

I know what he meant Aph. And I do not see how that means more maturity. Maybe better planning?

How is ingoring the tendency to want comitment or a relationship a mature thing?

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Manu Narayan

Because alot of people who want mutually exclusive relationships do so because they get jealous or are insecure and feel they need some sort of guarantee, some sort of informal contract that grants them exclusive sexual rights to their partner, hence why people in exclusive relationships often turn their backs on their partners after they get "cheated" on.

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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

Some people just can't seperate sex from everything else. The concept of sex for pleasure only seemingly disgust some people. I don't get it. Making love and sex w/emotions is great but sex for pleasure is great too. So, if I have a girlfriend that is cool as hell, I enjoy spending time with her and we are also physically attracted enough to each other to get our groove on sometimes, I think it is wonderful. If I had to choose between the sex and the friend, I'd be like okay that was fun we're just freinds now.

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"Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them"
Martin Luther King Jr.
"You cannot separate peace from freedom, because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom" -Malcom X

[This message has been edited by freedom (edited 07-11-2001).]

Originally posted by CodyChaos:
Because alot of people who want mutually exclusive relationships do so because they get jealous or are insecure and feel they need some sort of guarantee, some sort of informal contract that grants them exclusive sexual rights to their partner, hence why people in exclusive relationships often turn their backs on their partners after they get "cheated" on.

And a lot of people in FWB relationships do so because they are insecure in having a serious involvement. They do so because they cannot feel they can comit. They do so because they know the other person doesn't want a relationship with them, but they want to grasp onto any iota of attention they can get from said person.


So you're saying that a predominant reason people breakup or 'turn their back' on someone after being cheated on is because they are insecure? Not because a trust has been violated? Even in a friendship if I was LIED to, I wouldn't leave the friendship due to my insecurities, it would be because I was lied to flat out.

Freedom - I will agree that sexual graitifcation can be great regardless of the situation, hence im 'alright' with an occasional FWB situation (not personally in general.) But a habitual FWB thing...


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Manu Narayan

I do not think that everyone who participates in a FWB is insecure. Could it be that they are a bit lonely in waiting for the right person and they seek comfort with another. Someone they trust, like a friend. Yet, they know when the right person comes along they can move on without hard feelings..I would rather do that then be in a false relationship going nowhere.

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Originally posted by Princess:
I do not think that everyone who participates in a FWB is insecure. Could it be that they are a bit lonely in waiting for the right person and they seek comfort with another. Someone they trust, like a friend. Yet, they know when the right person comes along they can move on without hard feelings..I would rather do that then be in a false relationship going nowhere.



That is reasonable.


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"Discrimination is a hellhound that gnaws at Negroes in every waking moment of their lives to remind them that the lie of their inferiority is accepted as truth in the society dominating them"
Martin Luther King Jr.
"You cannot separate peace from freedom, because no one can be at peace unless he has his freedom" -Malcom X

Well dont get me wrong, you know i dont just run around doing the nasty with any girl i can get a hold of i only do it with girls i genuinely like. I dont have one night stands either, however at the same time I dont feel the need to have an exclusive relationship, yea ive had exclusive relationships before but they were with girls who I was really into. It would be silly of me to devote all my time to a girl just because shes cute and we enjoy having sex, thats not a good basis for a relationship even if we do have a level of friendship. And see with me even if a girel i loved cheated on me id still be willing to forgive her because i love her y'know, Id talk it over with her i wouldnt just shun her for violating my trust, course i probably wouldnt have asked her to be monogomous in the first place...

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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

Hmm Cody brought something else up...Can you forgive a cheater?...I just don't think I could and if I did take them back, I would constantly be worried and questioning. Trust is hard to build and once it is broke..it is over in my eyes. I am not saying I would not give it another chance, but it would be devestating to deal with.

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Well, see cody, the way you describe it, I don't fully consider it friends with benefits. (what you do.) I mean, I think there is a difference between FWB and having a relationship that is not exclusive...

If that makes sense?

And I know, I would be willing to try to work it out also if they cheated...

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Manu Narayan

I have a "friend" and it works out great. I think it has to be someone you trust and feel comfortable with but not someone you hang out with alot. If you spend alot of time with them emotions get involved then it is hard to stay unattached.

Originally posted by slacker79:
I have a "friend" and it works out great. I think it has to be someone you trust and feel comfortable with but not someone you hang out with alot. If you spend alot of time with them emotions get involved then it is hard to stay unattached.


See, I don't even consider that FWB that much...that is more just a bootycall. :-)

Honestly, MOST people who do the FWB thing end up spending tons of time with that person...it just seems silly to not call ti a relationship at that point.


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Manu Narayan

I still consider him a friend because we talk on the phone and rant and rave about life we just don't go out together. Also I know if I was in trouble he would help me out and vise versa.

Man, I'm getting old (or just ignorant, guess being in a relationship for 10 years will do that to ya)....it took me reading two or three of the responses to know what the heck you youngins (except you Dave http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif ) were talking about....

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

OK....so I got to thinking about this...

Who's to say that YOUR "friend with Benifits" doesn't have a whole buch of OTHER "friends with benifits"?

I don't know....that would just spook the heck out of me....lol

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

More than likely your "friend" does have other "friends." You have to be careful and get tested and 100% of the time you have to use a condom. I know about his others and he knows about mine. We just don't sleep together when one of us has a significant other.

I'll be honest with you....don't get me wrong, I like sex and all....I mean I REALLY like sex....but I don't think this is something I could do....

Each his/her own http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Originally posted by Je$ter:
it took me reading two or three of the responses to know what the heck you youngins (except you Dave http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif ) were talking about....


haha, so you're saying that you thought about friends who's dads had candy stores or something huh? benefits... haha

Well....yea.....SO! http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Can someone explain to me how a relationship, a deeply committed one, is stressful? My relationship with my wife is the most stress free thing in my life, and always has been.

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The truth is the hellhound that gnaws at the heels of those that lie and accuse you of oppressing them!

future Emperor in need of a cabinet(except Minister of Spanking)until then you can call me Chief!

Originally posted by Cosmo:
Can someone explain to me how a relationship, a deeply committed one, is stressful? My relationship with my wife is the most stress free thing in my life, and always has been.



well said!


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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

Well....not to rain on anyone's parade...BUT....things change.

I went threw 10 years of depression and SEVERE anger problems....and what pulled me threw it was dating and marring a woman who I THOUGHT would stand by me threw hell and high water. I stood by her threw 3 years of rebounding from Chrone's Disease....moods from the steroid treatment, and would have stood by her threw ANYTHING....but....as soon as times became a bit bumpy.....she wanted out.

Unfortunately the divorce rate is up to 60% in the good ol' USA.....if your marriage is not stressful it is a blessing....it will not always be like that....not saying it will end up like mine...it takes work, and that can be stressful.....but if you work at it and have someone who is willing to work at it as well, obviously you can work threw ANYTHING.....but you have to expect some stress at some time. Just don't let it catch you off guard....

did that make any since and seem to pertain to what was said about a marriage not being stressful....lol

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

well, I have never heard the term either.. always heard the term "recreational sex"



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www.krawdaddy.net (http://www.krawdaddy.net)
geoffrey@krawdaddy.net
etc.....

i'll admit when I was younger I had some different views on this, but sex with someone I don't love would disgust me. When I was younger we called girls who were promiscuous sluts. double standard. now I would think equality would call for everyone to be called a slut. But I'm admittedly old fashioned and probably shouldn't even be reading this stuff since I can't relate.

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The truth is the hellhound that gnaws at the heels of those that lie and accuse you of oppressing them!

future Emperor in need of a cabinet(except Minister of Spanking)until then you can call me Chief!

Friends with benefits does not = marriage. Men expect stuff from a marriage like cooking and cleaning...with a "friend," all anyone expects is good sex!

Originally posted by slacker79:
Friends with benefits does not = marriage. Men expect stuff from a marriage like cooking and cleaning...with a "friend," all anyone expects is good sex!

Not if you train them right... http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif



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"It's 106 miles to Chicago, we've got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it's dark and we're wearing sunglasses.Hit it."

Maybe it's just me, but

"friends with benefits" = MARRIAGE



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Absence makes the heart grow hungry...

"This must be a new kind of love. They ought to bottle it and sell it for 'Instant Stupid'."--Steve Sherman (Paul Newman)

OK, I do not have a dilemma exactly because I know in my heart what the right thing to do is, but i wanted some good sound advice on the "friends with benefits" topic in my particular case from anyone who would like to comment. I go to college with this guy I met my freshman year through some mutual friends. He took an interest in me, we started hanging out and then decided to date as in being boyfriend/girlfriend the spring of our freshman year. That summer he broke it off because he realized he didn't want to have a relationship with me due to a past love he was still heartbroken over--or at least thats what he told me. So, sophmore year of college starts and we start hanging out even more than when we were dating, and one thing leads to another and before long, we are emotionally attached to each other again, and start physically doing stuff, dubbing it "friends with benefits" although we were not really interested in anyone else at the time, so we weren't going around making out with other people or going on dates. But, I might add here that when he would go home on breaks he would ocassionally make-out with an ex-girlfriend, hooking up as he called it, but told me it didn't really mean anything to him. Then, this past May he told me he was confused about me again, he just wanted to be friends with me but sometimes got confused as to why he had more than friends feelings towards me at times and didn't know how to handle them. But then, in June, a couple weeks after finals ended, he made out with this ex- lover girl from back home that he hadn't even been in contact with for awhile. This basically ruined our friendship because I felt I could no longer trust him or believe that he ever really cared for me as a friend even. I forgave him, as i had in the past with other girl issues, ie-making out with a different girl from back home over breaks that supposedly meant nothing to him. All my friends ask me why I still want to be friends with him after all this has happened, but the thing is, I really do like being his friend, he's a fun-loving, out-going type of guy that I have a lot of crazy fun with and can relate well with. We were always good friends before lovers even from the beginning. So, we took a break from our friendship for awhile because i wanted to, and i have just recently started talking to him again. Then, about a week ago, we had this instant messenger conversation and discussed how we missed our closeness and we actually talked about "hooking up" if we felt the timing was right whenever we were just hanging out-- that we shouldn't limit our feelings because hey, it's just a benefit of our friendship, and if we are so comfortable with our friendship then hey, why not. That was the mentality. But then i got to thinking about it and realizing how many times in the past i have been hurt by this guy, and why would i even consider something like that. I got really upset and feel like he doesn't care about the future of our friendship or value me enough to realize that i deserve a guy that is going to be committed to me. I do realize that this recent occurance wasn't all his fault because I was the one who told him i missed him in that way sometimes. I will take responsibility for that, but I tend to lose all sense of self-control when i'm around him, I'm just so comfortable with being my wild crazy self with him. Now, he's really upset with me because he feels i guilt-tripped him once again about something he shouldn't feel guilty about. Just because I feel like we shouldn't be "friends with benefits", he feels i'm condemning his values and telling him he's a horrible person. How can I make it clear to him that although we both admit there is some emotional attachment still left, this isn't right and that i want his friendship for the long-run and don't want to ruin it by doing anything in the heat of the moment? :confused:

AHHHHH!!!!

SHE HAS TAKEN OVER MY IDENTITY! Just kidding..
I am right there with you though.

More then I care to talk about at the moment. I will add some thoughts later on though.

Originally posted by Cosmo
Can someone explain to me how a relationship, a deeply committed one, is stressful? My relationship with my wife is the most stress free thing in my life, and always has been.

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The truth is the hellhound that gnaws at the heels of those that lie and accuse you of oppressing them!

future Emperor in need of a cabinet(except Minister of Spanking)until then you can call me Chief!

I've heard and read that the first year to second year is the most stressfull part of a marriage.

Originally posted by slacker79
I have a "friend" and it works out great. I think it has to be someone you trust and feel comfortable with but not someone you hang out with alot. If you spend alot of time with them emotions get involved then it is hard to stay unattached.

Very wise observations.

I am a man,
I like my space if I can-

Sex is all I need...
Not to plant my seed

Come over, we'll smoke some buds,
I'll whip it out, you jerk my pud.

Ejaculation is great!!!
But no, I need no mate.

Hey babe, this is MY place.
A home I have to enjoy some SPACE.

I like to have what's MINE,
come over, maybe we'll drink some wine.

But when it's all done,
it's to MY place I'll run.
For in the end...

It's all just for fun.

:D
-LowTide-

Originally posted by Foul Temptress

I am right there with you though.

More then I care to talk about at the moment. I will add some thoughts later on though.
Well? Let's hear it, Heather! :D

I guess what they say is right.. A problem now, you will not remember a year from now.

I havent a clue WTF I was talking about then...

Hrmm...


Glenn..How about those pictures of you bent over the lawnmower... :p

Shut up. :mad: I look the the town retard that goes around with his lawn mower finding work. I'm just missing my red helmet. :(

Stay on topic! :mad: Tell us about your friend you gave "benefits" to. :nice:

Jesus Christ this is an old ass thread...

To quote Altered Beast

"Rise from your grave!" :p

Anyway my 2 cents of morals. Friends with benefits are really a mystery to me. How can anyone bone a friend they hope to just hang with? How dosen't it change their friendship? How dosen't it make each cheaper? These are really retorical, cause I know I will never get it nor think it is cool. Just cause it feels good, dosen't mean you have to do it. Have some restrant and alittle self respect.

Anyone done with that, wow old ass thread! :shrug:

John

Around here we call 'em "f**k buddies" but it's never been my cup o' joe....er jane. LOL

We all have physical needs. One thing too many gals (and maybe some guys, though that's much more rare) are guilty of is that they refuse to have sex outside of a committed relationship. Sure, that's sounds very moral and all that bullcrap, but here's the thing: though most won't admit it - even to themselves - they wind up hopping from relationship to relationship just to get laid. But they feel that since they can call the guy their "boyfriend" that it somehow makes it pure or whatever. :rolleyes:

Women live in fear of being branded a slut or "getting a reputation". Get over it. If you have a male friend and would like to shag him, go for it... I certainly won't fault you for it (especially if it's me ;)). I've boinked more than a couple of my female friends and it's been a relatively trouble free thing. If you both want to do it with a clear conscience, just get copiously drunk beforehand so you can blame it on the alcohol later. heh

Originally posted by Smashing Young Man
We all have physical needs. One thing too many gals (and maybe some guys, though that's much more rare) are guilty of is that they refuse to have sex outside of a committed relationship. Sure, that's sounds very moral and all that bullcrap, but here's the thing: though most won't admit it - even to themselves - they wind up hopping from relationship to relationship just to get laid. But they feel that since they can call the guy their "boyfriend" that it somehow makes it pure or whatever. :rolleyes:

Women live in fear of being branded a slut or "getting a reputation". Get over it. If you have a male friend and would like to shag him, go for it... I certainly won't fault you for it (especially if it's me ;)). I've boinked more than a couple of my female friends and it's been a relatively trouble free thing. If you both want to do it with a clear conscience, just get copiously drunk beforehand so you can blame it on the alcohol later. heh
Let me wipe the tears from my eyes. :rolleyes:

Originally posted by ISUPonyBoy

Let me wipe the tears from my eyes. :rolleyes:

Um, what does that suppose to mean. Someone doesnt agree with you and you make a snotty remark. :scratch: :hmm:

I like cheese

and corn flakes!

Originally posted by RightWingZealot
I like cheese

and corn flakes!
Werd, but have you ever tried cheese ON your corn flakes! :D

Originally posted by colonel58
Around here we call 'em "f**k buddies" but it's never been my cup o' joe....er jane. LOL


Yeah that's what we call em here too.. heh
I mean that's what I've heard..yeah

I love good **** buddies. A friend of mine just came down from san francisco for the weekend a couple weeks ago and she is the best f buddy I've ever had. When we see each other (which isn't terribly often), we're basically a couple. We have crazy wild sex, make out, cuddle, hang out, all that good stuff, and we remain friends without it getting weird. And we don't get jealous when the other dates someone.

I don't see how it's immature, lacking in self-respect, or any other negative thing that's been said in this thread. Actually I think it's pretty damn mature.... What's wrong with sex with someone you care about but don't necessarily want to spend your life with?

Originally posted by igofast
What's wrong with sex with someone you care about but don't necessarily want to spend your life with?

I see what you say and just think..... wow, imagine if i could do that.

i just feel like I would be holding something back if the sex wasnt in the context of a relationship.
but i havent tried it as an adult yet, so *shrug*

Originally posted by turtle_o
I see what you say and just think..... wow, imagine if i could do that.
I understand if some people can't do that, but why look negatively at people that can? (I'm not referring to you Jenn :) )

Originally posted by igofast

I understand if some people can't do that, but why look negatively at people that can? (I'm not referring to you Jenn :) )

I don't. Frankly I admire them. I could really use a little nekked monkey dancin' in my life but there's no one on the radar I'm interested in.:(

Originally posted by igofast

I understand if some people can't do that, but why look negatively at people that can? (I'm not referring to you Jenn :) )

so, that's the true definition of player hating.. . .....oh yeah.

I didn't realize my post was such a tearjerker, ISU. Why so touchy about this? It's just sex. Yes, yes... sex is MUCH better when it's with a person you love, that's true (in fact, it's a totally different experience). But you know what? Sex is also better when it's with a friend as opposed to a perfect stranger... for much the same reasons that it's better when with someone you love. The caring adds to the experience.

This isn't necessarily directed at you, ISU (because I don't know you), but I find that most everyone who absolutely cannot have sex without "being in love" tends to have codependency issues. And it isn't about self respect at all. In fact, any gal that can partake in casual sex with a pal without thinking less of herself has bucketloads of confidence and self respect, in my opinion.

Sex is frickin' great thing. Truely. Why should anyone who isn't in a committed relationship deny themselves? And on the current subject of "f**k buddies" (which is what I've always called it as well), why deny yourself sharing sex with someone you care about... even if it's only as a friend?

I have three friends with benefits.





Lefty, Righty, and Bob :|

Never had sex outside of love. Nor would I ever want to. The idea is absolutly disgusting. I guess I can't cheapen myself like that. And it is never just sex, atleast it shouldn't be. Something went wrong somewhere with society that it came to become known as 'just sex.'

And actually I am not codepandent, I just will not lower myself to sleep with someone I just met or hang out and may have a friendship with. It all comes down to respect and self worth. I couldn't degrade myself like that. Just like I don't pick up chicks at the bar. It seems that the word "morals" is more of a forgetten concept than a lifestyle. And that is truely sad.

John

I don't want one at all, I'm against the whole idea. Sex should be between two people who love each other deeply. Nor do I condone screwing on the first date. I'm all for waiting til marriage, or at LEAST you KNOW you're going for the long haul.

Originally posted by Gibson
I don't want one at all, I'm against the whole idea. Sex should be between two people who love each other deeply. Nor do I condone screwing on the first date. I'm all for waiting til marriage, or at LEAST you KNOW you're going for the long haul.
:werd:

However I don't say wait till after marriage, but wait till after love. :nice:

John

Originally posted by ISUPonyBoy

:werd:

However I don't say wait till after marriage, but wait till after love. :nice:

John
Right, but what I'm saying is that I'd have no problem with it, not that I'd necessarily do it. But I'd say true intimate love IS necessary. Otherwise why not just beat it?:D

Originally posted by Gibson
But I'd say true intimate love IS necessary. Otherwise why not just beat it?:D
Because sex with a cute, warm body is much better, funner, and more fulfilling than with your fist.

Doin' it rules!!!!

ISUPonyBoy,

While I might be inclined to agree that the whole 'friends with benefits" thing is not a great idea, the way you are presenting your beliefs is very insulting to people.
You just told everyone here who disagrees with you that they are degrading themselves and that they have no self esteem.
saying stuff like that is not a way to win over the hearts of those who have a differing opinion.

Originally posted by ISUPonyBoy
Never had sex outside of love. Nor would I ever want to. The idea is absolutly disgusting. I guess I can't cheapen myself like that. And it is never just sex, atleast it shouldn't be. Something went wrong somewhere with society that it came to become known as 'just sex.'

And actually I am not codepandent, I just will not lower myself to sleep with someone I just met or hang out and may have a friendship with. It all comes down to respect and self worth. I couldn't degrade myself like that. Just like I don't pick up chicks at the bar. It seems that the word "morals" is more of a forgetten concept than a lifestyle. And that is truely sad.

John

Sigh! Your post really disturbs me. Perhaps I take offense to the fact you think what I have done is disgusting.. or it could be that you insult todays society because it doesn't work like you want it too.

And as far as the bar chick, I go to bars alot. Matter of fact I own a bar, Does that make me a bad person. I think not, but you wouldnt know that cause you have never had the pleasure of meeting me. Your just judging a lifestyle, because its not to your liking. That disgust me.

Originally posted by freedom
Some people just can't seperate sex from everything else. The concept of sex for pleasure only seemingly disgust some people. I don't get it. Making love and sex w/emotions is great but sex for pleasure is great too. So, if I have a girlfriend that is cool as hell, I enjoy spending time with her and we are also physically attracted enough to each other to get our groove on sometimes, I think it is wonderful. If I had to choose between the sex and the friend, I'd be like okay that was fun we're just freinds now.
[This message has been edited by freedom (edited 07-11-2001).]

I have this problem. For what reasons I don't know but all I ever wanted was marriage. I think I understand it more now that I have been married for 15 years to the same woman. Maybe, maybe not.

I was at a party in high school and an old ex-girlfriend followed me upstairs when the party was coming to an end to help put some speakers back on a shelf. She was a fox. She layed down and said a few words about how she missed me. This is one of those scenes that stays in a young mans memory until he is an old man - it has for years. I ended up leaving the room and drove her home. The thing is we weren't friends.

I agree with your point about sex being a pleasure. My wife is my best friend. There are days when I feel certain she is my only friend. Is life that lonely?

...and that they have no self esteem.


Way to read between the lines. Now can you tell me where you got that from.@_@

Do you mean to say that he holds them in low esteem?

i think people are mixing up friends with benefits and sex with a total stranger here. the thought of having sex with someone who i dont know at all is very unappealing to me - but dude, i say if you know the person and you're both into it, by all means go for it. life's too short to go around not doin it.

I guess life is just simple for me...

bone a total strange: ah hell no! nasty

bone a friend: no way, we're friends not lovers

John :shrug:

That's all fine and dandy, john, not everyone feels the same way about everything and no one is asking you to do something you don't want to.

The problem lies in you saying the women (including many here on DA, and probably women in your life that you love) that enjoy FWB have no self esteem and the guys are degrading themselves and have no self respect. Like Jason said, not a great way to make friends.

Funny thing is that all my really good friends don't have FWB's nor do they just pick random bar wh0res. To be completely honest I do think it is degrading to both yourself and whomever you are with to either of the above. But I would never attempt to push my views on anyone, but I also will not just sit quietly in the corner because the majority thisnk it's fun, so just do it.

John

Originally posted by ISUPonyBoy
nor do they just pick random bar wh0res.
My sister is engaged to be married in a relationship that resulted in a meeting at a bar. Does that make her a bar *****? No it sure doesn't. You're terribly judgemental. It's your right to be so, but it's not something most people find appealing in friends.

I like pie.

Originally posted by igofast

My sister is engaged to be married in a relationship that resulted in a meeting at a bar. Does that make her a bar *****? No it sure doesn't. You're terribly judgemental. It's your right to be so, but it's not something most people find appealing in friends.

I like pie.
I make judgements based on past experiances. And I do not past judgement on anyone, it is not my place. I just have my rights and wrongs. If I offened anyone I am sorry I do, but I also will not apologize for stating what I beleive, jsut how I do is extreamly condasending and for that I am sorry.

John

btw: I work/worked at a bar. I know alot of ladies who just come in to hang out but I also know alot more who are trolling for trout.

I had a FWB, but that was about 5 or 6 years ago... in my B.C days.

He was a friend, but we did like each other a lot and had a lot of fun together. And then the FWB thing started. I would like to say more, but this is really personal.

I can say this: I wouldn't recommend it... and I would never do it again, my views on this (and just about everything else) have changed so much... I haven't been with anyone since I became born again, and I plan on waiting til marriage.

(that was probably TMI, but there ya go) :o :)

Originally posted by ISUPonyBoy
Funny thing is that all my really good friends don't have FWB's nor do they just pick random bar wh0res. To be completely honest I do think it is degrading to both yourself and whomever you are with to either of the above.
i think its degrading to you to be a total tool who likes to bring other people down just because they like to get a little action. chill out homeboy.

Originally posted by AverageJoe

i think its degrading to you to be a total tool who likes to bring other people down just because they like to get a little action. chill out homeboy.
I am quite chill thanks. :rolleyes:

I've had the luck to score a couple of these friends (in college). It was great. But most of the time the chick would get attached and that was the end of that. But for about 2 years, when we would go out, if either one us didn't have any luck, there was a good chance we'd go home with each other. But sometimes we didn't mess around, she was the coolest.

I have been known to have these types of relationships, and I would definatly do it again. It all depends on the person, the place you both are in life, and a ton of other factors. Like a lot of others have said, its not for everyone, but to me its fine so long as it doesnt get out of control .:)

Start off 1st with a hello! I am new to the forums and getting back out in the date/fwb/whatever you want to call it world.

Well this is my story in short. I met a guy about 2 months ago online. Turns out we grew up in the same town but went to different schools, we are about the same age. We even know of, a few of the same people. We live about 20 minutes from one another, and decided to meet up. I guess I should add in here that I was married for several years and have 3 small children, and my ex found a new girl and thats how that ended, about a year ago. Anyway this guy and I meet up at a bar (just soda for me) and we talk, things are going good. We end up having sex the 1st time, (so not like me, I am usually very shy). We have been getting together for sex 2x's a week, and talk online and over the phone daily. He has made comments about this relationship not going anywhere, and we really don't do anything outside of talking and sex. I have learned a great deal about him and his family, he doesn't want to have sex with others nor should I, he gets jealous if I mention that I visited an old boyfriend. On occassion will say something about still being together 6 months to a year from now. I feel as though I can trust him, and he seems to be a very passionate and sensative person. It is still early in the relationship or whatever it is this is called. I guess I don't want to go further if this is really just a fwb/booty call thing. When I bring up that topic he gets quiet and I get no feed back. What are guys thinking, sometimes I think they are worse then women when trying to figure them out.

Start off 1st with a hello! I am new to the forums and getting back out in the date/fwb/whatever you want to call it world.

Well this is my story in short. I met a guy about 2 months ago online. Turns out we grew up in the same town but went to different schools, we are about the same age. We even know of, a few of the same people. We live about 20 minutes from one another, and decided to meet up. I guess I should add in here that I was married for several years and have 3 small children, and my ex found a new girl and thats how that ended, about a year ago. Anyway this guy and I meet up at a bar (just soda for me) and we talk, things are going good. We end up having sex the 1st time, (so not like me, I am usually very shy). We have been getting together for sex 2x's a week, and talk online and over the phone daily. He has made comments about this relationship not going anywhere, and we really don't do anything outside of talking and sex. I have learned a great deal about him and his family, he doesn't want to have sex with others nor should I, he gets jealous if I mention that I visited an old boyfriend. On occassion will say something about still being together 6 months to a year from now. I feel as though I can trust him, and he seems to be a very passionate and sensative person. It is still early in the relationship or whatever it is this is called. I guess I don't want to go further if this is really just a fwb/booty call thing. When I bring up that topic he gets quiet and I get no feed back. What are guys thinking, sometimes I think they are worse then women when trying to figure them out.

first a question....are you hawt?

second....the actual answer......It's hard to say. the fact that he gets all quiet could mean that he does care but doesn't want to lose the opportunity to stick his penis in another vagina in the future. It could also just mean that he is leading you on in thinking that he doesn't want a serious relationship. Odds are that if he is really being loyal and ****ing you and only you then he could eventually want a serious relationship.....I wouldn't count on that....but it is possible.....the answer to the question that I posed may be a deciding factor. :)

I am not exactly a hot momma. I have a little extra for the lovin. I wouldn't say I am ugly or huge.

I am not exactly a hot momma. I have a little extra for the lovin. I wouldn't say I am ugly or huge.

Extra lovin is ok. Let me pose another question......do you make it look good?

Do I dress trashy no, I am a business casual dresser most all the time. Hide what I can hide and well otherwise you get what you see. I usually put on a little matching set of undergarments to go visiting, but nothing special.

sounds like a yes and that should give you some idea what is going through his mind if you factor in post #86. It's really hard to say. You have posted a tough one here. He sounds like a complicated guy.

That's a simple one. Start asking him to do other things with you. Go to movies, go out to dinner, go to the park, or the beach, or whatever. Start actually DATING the guy instead of just ****ing him. At the end of the date, tell him you're going to bed and send him home without any sex. If he likes you, he'll be happy. If he's only in it for the sex, he'll stop calling.

wow, good idea.

Its one of those things that good in theory but difficult to do successfully for most people. I've tried it a couple times and I've known friends and acquaintences who have. Its fun while it lasts but someone always ends up getting more attached than the other one and it turns into drama or someone feels hurt and rejected. I guess its just human nature.

So I'm pretty much over the FWB thing. Something about it doesnt sit quite right with me. I'm not saying we should all wait till marriage but I kinda feel that trends have moved too far in the other direction. Is it really that great of a thing to be so good at separating sex from your emotions? I dunno.

Up until recently I never realized how many people are into the friends with benefit thing. Talking to a few people I have realized that for some this is a common thing. So, I was wondering how many of you do or have had a freind that you randomnly hang out with and participate in physical activities?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Well I don't have a friend with benifits but I have make out buddies...does that count? lol...