She wants to get engaged very very soon or splitsville. I have known her for about 10 years and dated her on and off for a few years. We have seen each other for the past 6 months. However, she has a special friendship with another dude that bothers me.

Does she know it bothers you?

Have those two ever been romantically involved?

I think the fact that after 6 months of dating an ultimatum is coming is a bitch sketchy. This isn't something either of you want to do based upon an ultimatum.

Is this a woman you COULD see yourself marrying?

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Manu Narayan

If your not happy then dont do it. Whats the "special relationship" all about? A friend with bennefits? Explain. I can say that getting married was the best thing I ever did but Im glad a waited util I met the perfect woman too.

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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

Originally posted by Manu:

I think the fact that after 6 months of dating an ultimatum is coming is a bitch sketchy.

LOL is that a Froidian (sp?) slip or did you just call his gf a bitch? http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif

BTW, I was married 6 months after I met my wife!

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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

[This message has been edited by Fordman50 (edited 08-14-2001).]

Well, I would not want someone to be engaged to me because I gave them an ultimatum. That is childish, and selfish. I can tell your hesitant..so in my opinion.. It is SPLITVILLE!! Sorry, just the way I feel..

Especially since the relationship has been off and on and you are insecure. Not like you have been steady for 10 yrs and would not commit.. If she loves you she would not leave you on count of a ring..

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Lol that was a slip!

I meant to say a BIT :-) Sorry Snouter!

Regarding the time...Ian you did get amrried after 6 months, but you and your wife wanted to! After 6 months I do not think that is a time frame in which someone should start 'demanding' marriage.

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Manu Narayan

after the rabbit died http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

Thanks for the replies. It is stressing me out though.

That sucks - time to move on.

I understand it is stressing you out, but really think about it. If you are not 100% commited and dedicated to this relationship marriage should not be an option..Are you dedicated enough..?

Tell us about the other guy? Did they once have a realtionship, just a freind or what..?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Well Snouter, it's like this: I don't know you, I don't know her, I don't know the situation. But I get the feeling there is something you aren't telling us. Did she just suddenly one day say she wanted a committment, or is this something you have talked about? On and off for a few years?
Why?
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Absence makes the heart grow hungry...

"This must be a new kind of love. They ought to bottle it and sell it for 'Instant Stupid'."--Steve Sherman (Paul Newman)

[This message has been edited by Demeter (edited 08-14-2001).]

We had been serious for about 2 years or so and she wanted to move in together and get married. That was about 3 years ago. She then broke up with me. We stayed in contact from time to time. I helped her set up a new computer for her about a year and a half ago by helping her with a Yahoo home page, email, etc. So I knew all the passwords.

So we finally started back up recently.

She put on some excess poundage unfortunately also, but I try not to be too harsh on her about it. She has the knowledge but not the discipline (or maybe the time) to exercise and eat better.

I sent an email and was going to redo it but I had already sent it. So I just logged using her info using her Yahoo (you can download other ISP emails with Yahoo) page.
There was a gold mine of a number of emails back and forth with some dude. Silly little things, but some were arrangments to go out to dinner. I tactfully brought up the subject and she insisted the dude was much younger than she was and a former co-worker who was merely a good friend to socialize with.

I agree with the D Durden school of thought on this type of thing and many arguments have resulted. She then gets upset that I don't trust her.

I have mixed feelings. I have lost a different broad due to the fact I didn't marry her after a certain point and don't want to lose another.



[This message has been edited by Snouter (edited 08-14-2001).]

"Special friend" huh? http://discussanything.com/Ubb/rolleyes.gif

RUN LUKE RUN!!!

"If you don't give me what I want, I'm gonna' take my toys and go home." Mmmmm . . . maturity about 10 years old.

As far as special friends go (male or female), be VERY careful. I lost a wife to another guy (special friend). Eventually, she'll start comparing you to him, which sucks because she only sees HIM when she wants to. She doesn't hear him fart in his sleep (sorry Lisa!), smell his breath in the morning, nor all the other little personal things. You don't stand a chance.

It's like working with a beautiful woman and lusting after her every day. You're always around for the "fresh make-up right out of the shower" time and the "Gawd I'm bored so let's got see how quick I can give the engineer a boner" time and the "man, I just spilled peanut butter down the front of my new dress and my tongue won't reach that far to lick myself clean . . . maybe Dave could help" time . . . well, okay, I made the last one up, but you get the point. Ten to one if you were around for the "Jeebus, Taco Bell makes me into the human bomb" time or then "yeah, I have that blistery-rash down there about twice a week" time, I'll be she wouldn't be all that hot, you know?

I'd tell her to grow up or go after her little friend.

Oh, if she DOES leave and DOES NOT take her toys with her, be sure you wash them up good before playing with them again http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif.

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

LISTEN TO ME!
THREE WORDS:
DONT DO IT!
DONT DO IT!
DONT DO IT!
THREE MORE WORDS:
DUMP THAT BITCH!

Now, for an explanation why-
I can not stand two people not being able to just "be together" if your in love, nothing else matters. But, she has some motives, and you should not go along with her BS.

First off, there are many other women in the world, and I am sure you will find one who fits well with who you really are.

Second, I bet she was hanging out with some other guys while you two were seperated. She got to have fun with some other guys, enjoy the single life for a while. But then she felt like settling down, so she returns to the nice guy. She could never convence one of the other guys to marry her, but if she nags at you for a while, it is a better bet.

About the extra poundage, it will only get worse. After the ring is on, the all bets are off, she has a man, no reason to stay fit. Then she wants kids, money for certain things... it is not good.

Be an ******* if you must, because she is toying with your mind and emotions.

Originally posted by D Durden:
She doesn't hear him fart in his sleep (sorry Lisa!), smell his breath in the morning...

So LisaGT farts in the middle of the night in her sleep? I hate that! Tell her to stay away from toco smell. LOL

Danm CT, you didnt need to call the girl a bitch. I dont like the B-word.

A few extra pounds shouldnt bother you dude. Its natural. Eventually we will all have some poundage. If its an issue now, she prolly not the one for you anyway.



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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

Thanks again for the input all. I am supposed to have dinner at her place tonight. I FEEL STRESS.

K- Take a deep breath..and clear your mind the best you can. Go to her house open minded, but have your decision made up before you get there. That way you can not be put on the spot, etc. I think you know what is right here, you just dont want to realize that yet again, You have not found the right one. I know the feeling. Good Luck, Keep us posted.

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Originally posted by Fordman50:
Danm CT, you didnt need to call the girl a bitch. I dont like the B-word.

Goes with the territory of being an *******. And what do you call a female dag?

Snouter . . . so, she needs "discipline" . . . hehehehe, maybe I spoke too hasitly!!

With regards to the baggage (hehehehe, SADDLE BAGGAGE!), if you're NOT happy with her looks, the future will NOT be any better. Drop it. All the "well, looks shouldn't matter people" are living in a dream world. The only good thing about living with a fat and ugly person is that you don't care if they leave you http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif.

Find one you like. Find one that KNOWS what is important, and, even better, what's more important to you! And finally, DON'T SETTLE! Don't settle for less or you'll be unhappy. Set your goals reasonably and STICK TO THEM.

Ian . . . LMAO!! Lisa's little body couldn't HOLD enough methane to be dangerous! http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif. I can hold her up to the light and see what she had for dinner.

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

I get the feeling that you almost think you HAVE to get married, and soon. I detect a sense of urgency here. If you lost one woman because you didn't want to get married, that should tell you something about her. If you "lose" this one too, you have your answer. While I don't condone that you broke into her computer and read her email, I think it served as a good lesson. She obviously isn't terribly serious about you. If something as trivial as a few extra pounds bothers you, your heart isn't truly in the relationship. So, in a nutshell, my advice: Don't marry her. Move on with your life. There are TONS of women who could make you happy. The right one is out there somewhere.

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Absence makes the heart grow hungry...

"This must be a new kind of love. They ought to bottle it and sell it for 'Instant Stupid'."--Steve Sherman (Paul Newman)

[This message has been edited by Demeter (edited 08-15-2001).]

With regards to the baggage (hehehehe, SADDLE BAGGAGE!), if you're NOT happy with her looks, the future will NOT be any better. Drop it. All the "well, looks shouldn't matter people" are living in a dream world. The only good thing about living with a fat and ugly person is that you don't care if they leave you

ROFLMAO!!!!

That is until you have to start forking over allimoney and child support payments that is...

Well, best to set yourself straight then... take a trip to your local school yard sometime when the kids are just getting out, and take a real good look at the soccer moms... Bet half of them could be stand-ins for Jabba the Hutt. Yeah, may sound mean, but that's the reality of marriage!

Snouter, don't do it man... Think of it as a little pain now, or alot of pain later...

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Artist formerly known as Reindeer

Yeah bud. DONT EVER do it out of pressure.
You will eventually regret it and resent it and hold a grudge and that would make things even worse.
YOU have to be ready, thats all I can say.
If your conscience is telling you something, even if you dont know exactly what it is, you should hold off until you get it all sorted out.
It sounds like she's being somewhat self centered here, that will only get worse.
About the weight, well most the guys are right, it will get worse. Fortunately my wife has never had that problem.
I couldnt take it if she was bohemith!

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Man — every man — is an end in himself, not the means to the ends of others. He must exist for his own sake, neither sacrificing himself to others nor sacrificing others to himself. The pursuit of his own rational self-interest and of his own happiness is the highest moral purpose of his life.
Ayn Rand

Originally posted by D Durden:
The only good thing about living with a fat and ugly person is that you don't care if they leave you http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif.

Ian . . . LMAO!! Lisa's little body couldn't HOLD enough methane to be dangerous! http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif. I can hold her up to the light and see what she had for dinner.




Dave, the thing you said about holding Lisa to the light is funny. BUT, I didnt like seeing you type "fat and ugly" as if the two were mutually exclusive. Therre are plenty of healthy, sexy women out there that are big and beutiful. I dont equate fat with ugly at all. Not to be too PC here but the referance is a little offencive. Sorry for the rant.

Bill my wife is skinny but if she got bigger later on in life (like all the other women in her family) I wouldnt care one bit as long as she was healthy. I think it can be attractive.

Its a little known fact that what is attractive to the eye in the light of day is not always the same as what is sexy to the touch in the dark of night.

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Winner of the "peoples Choice award" for supreme advocate for the people!

I'm not "always right", it just seems that way

Spelling is for kids! I think you got the point!

[This message has been edited by Fordman50 (edited 08-16-2001).]

Ian, to quote a favored SNL skit:

"Not all Americans fat and razy . . . some fat . . . some razy . . . SOME FAT AND RAZY!!"

I lost my virginity to a girl that was 6'1" and about 180 pounds . . . no light-weight by ANY stretch. One of the SEXIEST women I've ever known was 250 pounds (minimum!). Please, spare the the "Whole Lotta' Rosie" jokes.

When I said fat and ugly, the operative word was "and". It groups those two words together. See that's the difference between "fat and ugly" and "liberal and dumb as a brick" . . . see, you can be fat but not ugly, however you can't be a liberal and not . . .

http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

My quick opinion. and I'm not sure if anyone has addressed this since I only skimmed over this post....BUT....if your not comfortable with the "special guy friend", I think since she is giving you the ultimatum, ask her if she would be willing to end the friendship with the other dude.... Thats just me, and what I would do.....

But if she tosses a bitch fit at ya about that.....
kind of like what D Durden said
"RUN FORREST, RUUUUUUNNNNNN!!!!!!"

Man, I won't ever let a woman give me an ultimatum like that....shoot, I'm making a written test for my next wife to take before I walk down that isle again.....

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Well, I am still alive and told her the ultimatum ain't gonna fly. We aren't totally broken up as a couple but the pressure is off. At the moment anyway.... http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif

Woo Hoo!! Glad you are out of the water.. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/smile.gif

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Now, what's going to happen is that her special friend will become more and more special i.e. jealousy wedge.

If I were you, I'd strike first . . . YOU sleep with him and dump her . . .

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

Well I am glad my lovelife disaster area is a source of amusement to some of you. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif

Believe it or not she said she wanted me to meet him to prove he wasn't a threat to the relationship. Not sure if she was serious though.

She emailed saying she woke up this morning and wished last night was a bad dream. I think I still may be in the midst of it....A bad dream and the relationship.

California here I come. I need a good dose of bikini watching. Or at least some Vegas show girls.

If I were you, I'd strike first . . . YOU sleep with him and dump her . . .


ROFLMAO.....yea, thats what I would do....LOL

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Dude, you can either laugh about it or Cry.... I chose option # 2 in my divorce....Weeeeeeee!!!!

If you don't think she was serious about letting you meet the dude...call her on it and say "Yea, I think that would be a good idea"....then see what she says...

Gotta play some Jedi Mind tricks sometimes...

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

Yeah, perfect opportunity to put the moves on him . . . and discuss that little "rash" she gets every couple of weeks . . .

LMAO!

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

Originally posted by D Durden:
Yeah, perfect opportunity to put the moves on him . . . and discuss that little "rash" she gets every couple of weeks . . .

LMAO!




Your not being very nice..Mr. Durden..

I would hate to have to put you on restriction. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif


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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Hehehehehe . . . restrictions are no fun. RESTRAINTS, on the other hand (and both ankles) are another story, entirely.

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

Originally posted by D Durden:
Hehehehehe . . . restrictions are no fun. RESTRAINTS, on the other hand (and both ankles) are another story, entirely.




/me hangs head in shame for Lisa..


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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Originally posted by Je$ter:

If you don't think she was serious about letting you meet the dude...call her on it and say "Yea, I think that would be a good idea"....then see what she says...




In my case it didn't matter...it was one of my friends....who is no longer a friend, and who is lucky to still have his body organs intact and functioning properly


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Hillie's GTS Mustang Site (http://www.hillie16.stangnet.com)

Moderater "Donut Cafe" at SVTPerformance.com (http://www.http://www.svtperformance.com/forums/forumdisplay.php?s=ac3fe5eccead46a2309ccd28a7126c2 b&forumid=16.com)

Aw Heather, ask Lisa sometime . . . there are much more exciting ways to hang . . .

Don't knock it till you try it, dear. Lisa didn't move up here because of my stellar culinary skills and my exciting collection of pewter minatures. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif

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Go ahead and call Cosmo "Chief" and Bill is "Fearless Leader" . . . I'm HAPPILY "Minister of Spanking"!!

Famous Last Words:
Socrates - "I drank WHAT?"

Originally posted by D Durden:
Yeah, perfect opportunity to put the moves on him . . . and discuss that little "rash" she gets every couple of weeks . . .


How did you know about the rash? Wowsa, it looks like even Durden has been with her. I feel so dirty.

You will have to keep your advice on picking up guys to someone who is interested in your various experiences in that area. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif



[This message has been edited by Snouter (edited 08-17-2001).]

I got the perfect bumpersticker for David...

"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but whips and chains excite me!" http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif

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Artist formerly known as Reindeer

Originally posted by Fordman50
A few extra pounds shouldnt bother you dude. Its natural. Eventually we will all have some poundage. If its an issue now, she prolly not the one for you anyway.

I disagree. My first wife ballooned after childbirth. Tami went back to her old size.... it's a matter of personal pride. Tami, at 44 makes 17 year olds jealous. My ex hates the fact that Tami lost all the preggo weight. It just shows that she was too lazy to. But I agree with one thing... if she's hefty now, shes only gonna get worse, and make excuses.... so if it's too much now, I hope you moved on...

Spare her years of criticism about her weight Snouter. If she's big now, she'll only get bigger after she gets married, that's what she's waiting for.

If superficial looks are that important to you, give both of you a break and let go.

Ultimatums are unfair. I know I have issued a few and I was wrong 8 out of 10 times that I would. But this one seems way out there. Ya'll need to sit down and compare how you see each others futures and see if they gel or not.

John