Who…hops downstairs
Eats Apples and Pears
He’s never been to Prague
He rides in backpacks
He’ll eat all your snacks
He’s Frog, Frog, Frog.

He’s Frog, he’s Frog
He’s small, he’s green, he’s Tops
He’s Frog, he’s Frog
When adventure comes calling, he hops!

Who…often leaves home
In order to roam
Who naps upon a log
Who’s been everywhere
By Sea, Land and Air
He’s Frog, Frog, Frog.

He’s Frog, he’s Frog
He’s small, he’s green, he’s Tops
He’s Frog, he’s Frog
When adventure comes calling, he hops!

Now how long did it take to write that up?

I thought his theme song was a loud belch and grumbling something about poprocks

Decided to merge some threads. Frog humour.

heh I like it:D

Actually I think I wrote it a year ago, but never put it up in here.

heh I like it

Thanks, Kat!

NukePlas9000
Who needs an electric bar of soap these days? Fark, I tell you! Now we have much better options with the new model nuclear-plasma based cleaning products. It’s not quite matter, it’s not quite energy- It’s Plasma! It will wash AND neuter your dog if used properly. It can also clean your car’s finish while removing years of carbon deposits in your engine. Pour it in the fuel tank in stead of gasoline! Kaboom! Your little Honda now has 560 Horsepower and looks spanking clean while becoming dangerously unstable. Put it on the lawn and watch your neighbours turn green- with envy! With Shock at your now sterilised yard! With Horror as their terrier grows an extra tail because they let him crap in your yard again! Which cleaner is this, you ask? I SAID ASK, @#%& YOU!!!!! Why, it’s none other than NukePlas9000! As seen on TV being promoted by the likes of Billy Mays, Antony Sullivan, and Joan Van Ark until they all went deaf, dumb, blind, and bald from drinking it. They were told not to, but it’s just so GOOD-smelling and tastes like plaid! And the best part is- one bottle lasts forever! NukePlas9000 will sterilise the items being cleaned and never gets dirty itself. It cannot be used up. It cannot be gotten rid of. For the love of mercy, don’t flush it down a toilet- the horror! Just use the magneto- manipulator field to direct it, or these handy, dandy maneto-manipugloves! A $499 dollar value each pair- and we throw it in for free! Do not go near any
computer equipment or electrical outlets while wearing these gloves. NukePlas9000!!! It’s wonderful! Clean the house! Watch the trees run from your yard! Watch the cat develop gills! It’s wonderful! I invented it and now I can't make it go away! Buy them! Buy them all!!!!!!


Operators are standing by



....I said Operators are Standing by! Why aren't you people calling in and buying your NukePlas9000???!!!

Look, we’re already giving away a free pair of Magneto-Manipugloves with each order. What else do you want? A proton accelerator? The Original Magna Carta? A new mansion and some acreage to live upon, formerly known as the state of South Carolina? Fine- With each order, we’ll upgrade you from the small magnetic bottle containing .75 cubic meters of the plasma, to the 8 Cubic meter magnetic vault, plus a Second pair of the Magneto-Maniplugloves, and the home address and phone number of Don Rickles. But wait! There’s MORE! For the first 10,000,000 callers we will include ABSOLUTELY FREE, the Eiffel Tower! Or at least a full 100% scale model of it, made of the same material, and indistinguishable from the original, except this won’t have French People walking past it and giving you dirty looks for wanting them to take a picture of you in front of it. Imagine having THIS baby delivered to your home! Imagine the T.V. stations you could pick up on this gem of an antenna! Imagine how much your neighbours will HATE you when it’s shadow blocks the sun from their property and makes them oversleep, arrive late to work, and get fired! But WAIT! There’s EVEN MORE!!! Oh- no there’s not. Our attorneys have asked that we stop the commercial now and wait for your calls.

NukePlas9000- the wonder cleaner.

Buy some now or we’ll shoot your dog. We know where you live.

Dead Horse Management
The Tribal wisdom of the Dakota Indians, passed down from generation to generation, says that when you discover you are astride a dead horse, the best strategy is to dismount.

In modern corporate America, however, a whole new range of far more advanced strategies are often employed. Examples follow:

1 Buy a stronger whip
2 Change Riders
3 Threaten the horse with termination
4 Appoint a committee to study the horse
5 Arrange to visit other countries to see how others ride dead horses
6 Lower standards so that the dead horse can be included
7 Re-Classify the dead horse as ‘Living-Impaired’
8 Hire outside contractors to ride the dead horse
9 Harness several dead horses together to increase their total output
10 Provide additional funding and/or training to improve the dead horse’s performance
11 Do a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse’s performance
12 Declare that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries less overhead, and therefore contributes substantially more to the ‘bottom line’ of the budget than do some other horses.
13 As a result of the above, suggest making other horses dead.
14 Re-write the expected performance requirements for all horses so the dead one looks good in the numbers
15 Promoting the dead horse to middle management