Well this is great. My ex and I talk for hours and are friends but now the feelings start all over again. I hate me. Why the hell can't I just keep things as friends? I mean I really don't know if I would be with him again seeing as he did what he did. But I think I want what I had with him before he told me he wasn't ready. **** I don't know what to do. *slaps herself silly* you are an idiot Destiny an idiot. *grumbles and whines about herself then slaps herself again* and a ****ing whiner! shuddup!

well you can't help what you feel about him and it takes time to lose those feelings that you have. just take it one day at a time and see what happens.

I have come to the realization that I do not want him but rather what I had with him. The comfort and the love. Just being able to be with someone and not feel the need to fill all of the soft silences. For sometimes there is nothing more beautiful than the sound of silence while in the person you love's arms. Their breath warm on your neck or cheek as you both lull softly to sleep. The beat of their heart and the sound of their breathing in your ear as you rest your head on thier chest. The comfort that just being near that person can bring you. *sighs deeply* That is what I want. Yet no one seems able to give that to me. I have come to the conclusion that there is something wrong with me based on the my being the only common factor between me and all of my past relatinships. So if I can find someone that doesn't care how screwed up I am, I might find a bit of happiness. But until that someone shows up I am happy to be with myself. For I am great company and am entertained easily.

Schicksal

You aren't screwed up. I like you very much. You will find the perfect guy for you. You are still young. Enough guys are out their.
I know from experience, their are many guys that like you (im sure) that are too shy or scared to ask you for a date. I hope I am helping. :)

=Sven=

It'll go in cycles like that. Getting over everything does. Parts of the relationship were a perfect match, and somehow it seems nobody can ever put their finger on those aspects once a relationship is over. Those things will always be held in common with him. Just remember that when it came right down to it HE didn't match, and you deserve to have a relationship that rocks you on ALL the levels, not just some of them.

Swen-
I don't know about them liking me but the ones that do like me are only interested (so far) in sex. Seems to be the most important part of a relationship to most people (not just men, I think it is more so for women, in my experience so far) these days. I don't know why but to me sex isn't everything and a lot of people just don't get that.

Dotcom-

That was the thing. With him every level was a match for a while. He got scared with that and he is too, I don't know the word, chicken? to go after it. He told me that if he were ready for that type of relationship right now that he would want me. BUt that he isnt ready for that. It really hurt me seeing as he is the first person that I have ever trusted completely. I have a friend (who wants a relationship) now that wants me to open up completely to him and it is hard to trust people more than ever right now. I have no clue why but I feel that if I am completely open with him that he will find something wrong (even though my ex assured me it wasn't that when I asked him about it) and leave as well.

Man see I am screwed up! I twist everything to make it bad huh? *bites her bottom lip and floats thoughtfully in her orb* I wonder why I always do that...

So here I am thinking that I am screwed up. And I find out I am even more screwed up! I find myself wanting more and more to get in a relationship. It isn't that I don't enjoy myself but that I miss the love and closeness that I once had. I want the soft words and nights just spent sleeping in someones arms woken up with a snore and a grunted "God I love you!" followed by a snore and soft breathing. Realizing that he hadn't really woken up but stirred and went right back to sleep. That to me was reassuring. People don't usually lie when they are asleep do they?

*thinks even more* Now I know I am insane. I am going to move to New Zealand no matter what now. It is so beautiful and seems to be the place for me. Not supporting this war, peaceful people, beautiful beaches, nice people, great friends and one majorly sweet kiwi that is utterly in love with me (and i him) so many kind words so many sentiments... man i am insane.

Ok I had a momentary lapse of insanity but it is gone now. I am staying in america and i have a guy here who actually does love me and doesnt make me do all the work. So I am just taking things with this one one day at a time and letting things happen as they happen and i am not expecting anything or hoping for anything.

Wow I really was stupid back then *just finished reading that* I am glad that I stayed and got together with Eddie. He has shown me what love really is.