Not all of them..but most can if you are willing to try. In the past year, I have had 2 breakups. Yet, I am still friends with the both of them. It is not always easy, exspecially when one perhaps feels more than the other. I think this way though. I would rather have him as a friend then not have him at all..
Actually, my ex and I have realized that we get along so MUCH better when we are friends. Since we have not been together we spend lots of time together , just having fun.

Something to ponder, are you or could you be friends with an ex?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

[This message has been edited by Princess (edited 06-25-2001).]

I am friends with most of my ex's. I don't hold grudges... most of the time. I am not friends like hang out all the time with most of them. But if I see them I am friendly. I see no reason why you can't be friends with an ex.

I think really it dpeneds on the cirumstance of the breakup.

Did the relationship just run its course? Did someone cheat? Did someone hit/abuse/break a trust?

I am 'friends' with my ex, but we rarely talk, rarely hang out.

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Manu Narayan

I'm stuck dealing with this right now. My ex and I want to stay friends, but he can't recognize the line between friends and couple. It's difficult to explain to him that while we're friends, that doesn't mean we still snuggle and kiss whenever we see each other. I don't want to have to hurt him and lose the friendship, but I'm starting to think that might be the only way to give him the hint.

Laters,
Nomi
>^..^<

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Of course Cats are smarter than Dogs. You'd never see eight cats pulling a sled through snow, would you?

Some of my exes are some of my best friends. Some are people I'd talk to if I saw them (you know, 'Hey, how's it going, haven't seen you in a while, what've you been up to', etc.). Some I'd maybe say hi to on the street. Some I have no desire to ever see again. Of course, some are huge drug dealers now and might not even know me if they saw me (my 'boyfriend' from jr. high couldn't recognize his best friend two years later...that kid was screwed up).

So yeah, I definitely think that the circumstances of the breakup make a fairly large difference (though not always - I've had some pretty messy breakups that ended in great friendships). Maybe it's more - how close were you when you were together? If it was primarily physical, then no, you can't stay friends. But if you were close friends before/during the relationship, I think both parties usually work to keep that afterwards (usually after a month or so of 'I hate that no-good creep, he/she broke my heart' - that creates distance, which is usually a good idea right away).

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"I have no regrets. Regret only makes wrinkles." - Sophia Loren

I think its pretty aparent the answer to the question is... No... just because your civil around someone doesnt mean your their friend...

Does anyone still hang out with an ex? Yeah probably... but Im willing to bet those circumstances are further and fewer between... if so there cant have been alot on the line in the first place...

Theres a reason someones an ex... and theres a fine line between being good close friends of the opposite sex...and dating...and its a physical thing... so its hard to step that up, get attached, then step it down and act like no biggie IMHO.

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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin

If by friends, you mean the kind that don't talk or see each other, then sure.

In the case of a mutual breakup, sure friendship is possible. But how often is this the case? 99% of the time, one of the two parties isn't happy that the relationship ended, and being around the person will only make them feel worse.

I would speculate that most people who think ex's can remain friends, tend to be the dump-ers rather than the dump-ees.

Well, one of my closest friends is my high school boyfriend, who I dated for 7 months or so before breaking up with him right after I came to college. We spent a year having serious issues, but then we got over it and hang out all the time. We talk about people we're seeing, joke around with each other about when we were together...it's really nice. He was the dumpee, and he was the one to initiate a friendship between us after we broke up - I didn't think it would work out as well as it did, but it's been great. So I have to say that it *is* possible. And he's not the only one of my exes that I'm still in contact with and who I still hang out with on occasion (though some more than others, definitely - I'm 3000 miles away from almost everyone I dated before I came to college, for one).

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"I have no regrets. Regret only makes wrinkles." - Sophia Loren

I think Dest is right.

With my exs, I talk to on rare occasions, maybe will see once or twice a year, but I don't really care for them on a level that I care for most of my friends...

Just my bitter disposition I guess.

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Manu Narayan

Maybe I have a odd relationship with my ex's. My recent ex and I hang out all the time. We know that we need each other and figured out that it is on a friend bases. We are sure there could be negatives consequences when one or the other find someone new. I suppose we will have to deal with that when the time comes. Until then why not enjoy being together, hanging out, and goofing off.

Yeah, the physical thing is sometimes gets to be a problem. You have to stand your ground. The only way being friends with your ex will work, is if you both agree..whole heartdly about the decision.

~Heather

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

My last 'high-school sweetheart' was nuts. Didn't realize this until we were engaged. The type of relationship where we were either fighting or________ (fill in the blank). There was no other activity. The end came when we moved in together. On the fourth night, I was late getting home due to a flipped-over car on the free-way. She psychoed out on me and we fought all night long. The next day, I ended it. And there is no way I could have remained friends with her. I am sure one of us would be in prison right now.

I have heard though her sister that she has been married five times since H.S. Amazingly enough, in all five marriages she was an abused wife. Can one person have that much bad luck?

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Uh, what country is this??

Well, Princess, you guys are just weird *wink*...I think it's great when two people who share alot can still be friends. In a long relationship, you tend to get attached to not just the other person, but sometimes their family too. You introduce each other to new things and you share memories. If it works for you and you can handle it, why not?

*sigh* if only MY ex felt this way...

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Absence makes the heart grow hungry...

Not with me. Either I am attempting to get some action with them again, or I never speak to them.

ladies- here is the common truth:
Men will stay "friends" because they think there is a chance for more sex. There are rare cases like you were friends for a long time before, or something like that. But guys will usually not find lots in common, and no reason to stay frinds, certainly when hes got a group of guy friends. But if there is a chance for more sex, by just waiting around, most guys will wait around.

Uh, Chaotic Thoughts is pretty accurate. MOST guys really don't want girls that are friends . . . for the MOST part. It's REALLY tough for most of us to be "friends" with someone we find attractive. Eventually, a situation will "arise" that will prompt the guy to look for more, and then it gets all cloudy.

As far as being friends with ex's goes, that's a tough one. I'm "friends" with my ex-wife, but only because I HAVE to be since we have a son to raise. If it weren't for him, I probably could live without ever seeing her again.

When I was younger (high school/college), it was TOUGH to be "friends" with ex's. I had a few relationships that simply ran their course or got cut short by outside reasons, so basically, feelings were never properly "ended". It was tough to be around them (especially alone) and not let things get physical. Sometimes it did . . . sometimes it didn't. The REALLY confusing thing is that sometimes either person may initiate it . . . and the other is either receptive or not. But, being receptive may change with the wind. That happened to me on occasion.

I'd say it's best to steer clear of ex's . . . especially for the ladies. Men don't "understand". If you're nice to us, we think you MIGHT want to fool around with us. Don't risk or tempt us, please! We do NOT want to hear about how much you hate your parents or how much you love/hate your new boyfriend . . . trust me!

I was married once and have a daughter from that marriage. I went through the worst kind of divorce you can immagine. All the same, after a year and a half I get along with my ex better than anytime when we were married. Strangely enough I married her best friend. What is even stranger, even though I get along with the ex just fine, my new wife and the ex hate eachother.



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If thinking for myself is a crime I plead guilty.

I believe they can as long as there were no regrets in the relationship.

Again, Id like to point out, there is a BIG difference between can tolerate, stand, etc eachother and being FRIENDS.



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Manu Narayan

How about if you are talking to them on a daily basis? Because I talk to My ex on a daily basis.... Is that so bad..?

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Heather, the question isn't whether it's good or bad. The question is WHY are you talking to him on a daily basis.

You've made it pretty clear that he wants something more than friendship from you whether he's directly pursuing that or not. What you have to ask yourself is WHY you're hanging around him.

Agreed . . . I tolerate my ex just fine, but I'm not inviting her over for Thanksgiving dinner any time soon. I don't even care to meet her for lunch. Civility is probably the word.

For example, my ex and I...(I knwo FAR different than an ex from marriage) but we occasionally talk, even now and again (once a year) hang out, but I wouldn't call that being friends with her...

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Manu Narayan

well princess, unless he is banging some other girl, you should stop talking to him. You like the attention, but from his stance, you are stinging him along.

Originally posted by D Durden:
Uh, Chaotic Thoughts is pretty accurate. MOST guys really don't want girls that are friends . . . for the MOST part. It's REALLY tough for most of us to be "friends" with someone we find attractive. Eventually, a situation will "arise" that will prompt the guy to look for more, and then it gets all cloudy.



You guys are bad man... Well like i prefer hanging out with cool girls to hanging out with guys because i dont feel i have to put on some macho front around women.And i have friends who are girls who i think are attractive but i dont want to sleep with them, i just have fun hanging out with them.



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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

Originally posted by ChaoticThoughts:
well princess, unless he is banging some other girl, you should stop talking to him. You like the attention, but from his stance, you are stinging him along.


Stringing him along, in what way... ?

He wants to be my friend too.. We are in agreement here. You guys make it sound like I am leading him on..

By the way, he ditched me.. :-p


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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Why the HELL would you want to be friends with a guy that ditched you? That's kind of dumb. Maybe he's stringing YOU along? LOL!

As far as being friends with attractive women, uh, honestly, I've YET to meet an attractive woman that I DIDN'T want to have sex with. That's kinda' how I classify "attractive", you know? http://discussanything.com/Ubb/biggrin.gif I mean, SURE it's fun to "hang out" with a bunch of cute girls. It's great for the ego, anyway. And OF COURSE you don't have to be macho man . . . crap, you're "with" a bunch of good looking girls. What have you got to prove? LMAO!

Exactly, plus the girls dont think you're creepy cause you arent hitting on them, and that makes you even more attractive...

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"He could not plead want of employment, nor incapacity of getting his bread in an honest way, but frankly own'd it was to get rid of the disagreeable superiority of some masters he was acquainted with and the love of novelty and change."

William Defoe on Bartholomew Roberts career of piracy

Originally posted by CodyChaos:
You guys are bad man... Well like i prefer hanging out with cool girls to hanging out with guys because i dont feel i have to put on some macho front around women.And i have friends who are girls who i think are attractive but i dont want to sleep with them, i just have fun hanging out with them.

Well you are either a:
1. Gay man
2. *****
3. Man that believes he can sneek under the radar, a snatch one of these girls up.

Originally posted by Princess:

Stringing him along, in what way... ?

He wants to be my friend too.. We are in agreement here. You guys make it sound like I am leading him on..

By the way, he ditched me.. :-p

Ok, did he ditch you for another girl? And if he is no longer with her, he may want you again.

however, if you were friends long before you dated, he may just want friendship. But most guys I know want guy friends, and so they have enough friends.

Originally posted by CodyChaos:
Exactly, plus the girls dont think you're creepy cause you arent hitting on them, and that makes you even more attractive...


Or they'll assume you're gay. But this is me, and the futility of my dating life is reaching towards movie-of-the-week status.

Originally posted by ChaoticThoughts:
Ok, did he ditch you for another girl? And if he is no longer with her, he may want you again.

however, if you were friends long before you dated, he may just want friendship. But most guys I know want guy friends, and so they have enough friends.

We were friends before..And there is not another girl.



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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

Why did he dump you then?

Men are like frogs . . . they're not likely to hop off a lilly pad unless they've got something else to jump . . . you know?

I have *in my best Chris Jehrico voice* never . . . . EVER . . . broken up with a girl without another one in mind (or on body). Most guys won't, either.

Well, i broke up with her for a few reasons. I am not going to get into them here though. For the most part there are something that need to be taken care of on both our parts before we are too serious. We dated for nearly a year before we split up. She is my best friend and that is something that I don't want to loose. I love being around Heather, she is a great person. I also think that we still have a great future and i don't want to loose her for good. And neither one of us is leading the other on.

So wait I don't get it Nick and Heather. If you guys are physically attracted to one another, if you guys are best friends, and if you guys spend a lot of time togehter, why AREN'T you in a relationship? Honestly...

Cody, one thing, you can hit on chicks and not be creepy. I do it all the time :-) Now, maybe I am creepy and just don't know it, but I have never been told I am :-)

And honestly, I've NEVER felt like I gotta be macho or anything around a girl I like. I just be the same, but I think about different things :P

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Manu Narayan

We are not together cause when were together we fought to damn much.. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/smile.gif

Now that we are not together we get along fine..

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

But...but...the fighting is the best part! Stirs up the blood and makes ya all randy and stuff! And then when it's all over, the make-up sex! Mars and Venus are engaged in a permanent war, kiddies, and Earth is the battlefield.

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Seven stage denial to break the pieces further
To whisper on the wind how you can't appease me further
To color all your words with the stain of introspection
To hope to realign the webs of fate we're spinning

I'm torn on this....
I was faced with this as well with my ex-wife...
I told her that I could not "just be her friend"...I mean come on, I spent 11+ years (dated for 7 married for 4+) in a more than "friends" relationship...how the heck can I just cut back my feelings....but after reading a passage in the Bible, I decided I would at least give it a try.

I feel that I have extended my hand in friendship to her several times....but have not received it in return. This to me is kind of Odd since I was not even the one that wanted to "be just friends"....but I'm the one who made the attempt to do so...

But now, I'm fairly confident that my ex-wife was seeing someone else behind my back.....I have no use for her now..... and thats about as nice as I can state my feelings for her.....

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I do what ever my Rice Krispys tell me to...

[This message has been edited by Je$ter (edited 07-30-2001).]

I think the "let's be friends" idea is almost entirely female. I've broken up with girls before, but I've NEVER used that line. I've never really WANTED to be "friends" with an ex. I've wanted to stay friendly enough to keep them on the "we still might have sex" list, but that wasn't high priority.

Unless you get that within a month or two after dating, remember what I said about the list ladies.

Guys, if YOU get that line, odds are she's asking you to be that emotional tampon for her . . . for those 2 or 3 days out of the month when no one else will take her crap. The great relationship philosopher Samuel Kinison came up with that theory . . . and it's proven every time for me.