Hi,
This is my first time on this page... and I really don't know why Iam here, but I need help. I just recentley decided that I was going to break up with my boyfriend who was great and go back to my ex. But then when I did I found out that I couldn't get my ex back cause he had a new girl that I didn't know about. So.. I guess that leaves me out in the dating world which I have not been in in a long time. I am use to relationships.... So, what do I do? I have no where to go and I am afraid of being alone. Is that weird?
Jess

There are probably 3 posts already about being alone. You can probably get some good words from them.

Being on your own ain't so bad. Evidently, you weren't happy with the last guy or you wouldn't have left. Maybe, down deep, you want to be alone?

oh and by the way. I hung out with a new guy last night and I was asked a question... he wanted to know if I kiss on a first date. Do peole do that now? When I was dating I would always wait till the time was right... not just whenever we went on a first date.

DDurden's right about the other lonliness posts, there's lots of good advice there:) Don't worry over it too much though, you'll find somebody else in time. Just don't make the mistake of rushing into a relationship for it's own sake...

As for the kissing thing... SOME do alot more than that :eek: Don't worry about what others do though. Stick with what you feel morally comfortable with. If you've got a quality date, they'll understand;)

Originally posted by CuteJess72
oh and by the way. I hung out with a new guy last night and I was asked a question... he wanted to know if I kiss on a first date. Do peole do that now? When I was dating I would always wait till the time was right... not just whenever we went on a first date. :confused: Are you serious? Not a flame but how long have you been in a relationship? Most people I know kiss BEFORE they ever date.

Uh, yeah . . . I'm with JW on this one.

Fess up yer age and how long you were "involved", please . . .

For what it's worth, I'm 32 . . . and TERRIBLY involved . . .

Hey now...don't get on her for the kissing comment...

I didn't kiss my current GF until a few dates...and we've been involved for a good 1 year and 4 months now.

Jess...I think the KEY is that you need to be happy and be comfortable being alone. Being single. There are some definite perks to being with someone, but your realtionships are doomed unless you find a means to be happy with who you are and what you do...

Why not give us some more specifics on your situation...

Originally posted by Manu
Hey now...don't get on her for the kissing comment...

I didn't kiss my current GF until a few dates...and we've been involved for a good 1 year and 4 months now.

Jess...I think the KEY is that you need to be happy and be comfortable being alone. Being single. There are some definite perks to being with someone, but your realtionships are doomed unless you find a means to be happy with who you are and what you do...

Why not give us some more specifics on your situation...
But you wouldn't be suprised to be told people kiss on the first date, would you? I'm not getting on her for it, it just suprises me that she wouldn't know this. As I said before, its not a flame. It's just suprising. That's all.

Well, I shoot for sex on the first date if I can. But Im a slut.

btw, why did you leave your "great" boyfriend?

Originally posted by CuteJess72
Hi,
This is my first time on this page... and I really don't know why Iam here, but I need help. I just recentley decided that I was going to break up with my boyfriend who was great and go back to my ex. But then when I did I found out that I couldn't get my ex back cause he had a new girl that I didn't know about. So.. I guess that leaves me out in the dating world which I have not been in in a long time. I am use to relationships.... So, what do I do? I have no where to go and I am afraid of being alone. Is that weird?
Jess
For starters I would suggest that you dont be in too big a hurry to start a new relationship. Just be "out there" and if you are a nice person the opportunities will come. Always take it slow.

As for kissing, kissing on the first date is ok but if you dont feel comfortable its also ok. Just dont be rushed into doing anything you are not ready for.

Hi all.....
I am sorry that it has been so long since I have written... I have been really busy. I don't know how this works but I hope that all of you can read this. I wanted to say thanks for your advice and I have learned a lot the past few weeks. I guess I didn't know how to be anything but someones girlfriend. Anyway, I am doing great and I am just friends with my ex that has a girlfriend and as for the guy I just broke up with... It was for the best.. He was cheating on me anyway. I really dont' think any guy knows how to be faithful. I am not saying that I have never made the mistake of cheating on a guy, but guys realize what they have done and keep doing it. Not me I learned my lesson. Anyway, so now I am seeing a guy who just wants to chill and get to know each other. Nothing serious but it might be someday.

Glad we could be of some help Jess. By the way, for what it's worth, all men ARE pigs to a certain extent:D but we're not all cheaters:) Take your time like you're doing now. The right one will turn up sooner or later:cool:

Originally posted by Shadowhawk
all men ARE pigs to a certain extent:D

Speak for yourself, Im a dick.

Originally posted by CuteJess72
I really dont' think any guy knows how to be faithful. I am not saying that I have never made the mistake of cheating on a guy, but guys realize what they have done and keep doing it. Not me I learned my lesson

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! It's the old "well, I cheated . . . but it was wrong and I learned my lesson . . . oh, but men are SUCH PIGS . . ." utter bullshit again!

BWAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

One question? Was he cheating on you with another guy? If not, then, uh, I've got a little bit of news for you . . . WOMEN ARE PIGS, TOO! Maybe your ex was doing the horizontal mambo with some other chick, but YOU were already working on his replacement. Define cheating, Mr. Clinton . . .

We're ALL capable of cheating . . . by definition, we have to be. It takes two to tango (or three if you want to make a movie ;)), so please, don't kid yourself into thinking that men are pigs and women are somehow these innocent victims. That's roll in the floor funny.

Men will cheat . . . we're wired for it. I've cheated, and I'm VERY capable of doing it again. What keeps me from it is that I know how much it hurts, and I love the woman I'm with dearly. Plus, I have no reason to cheat . . . she's perfect.

BUT, when I have cheated, it was ALWAYS with another woman (well, there was that time . . . well, nevermind . . . ), and, ODDLY ENOUGH, they knew FULL WELL I was dating someone else. Sure, I hit the homerun, but SOMEONE had to be willing to pitch to me underhand . . .

I just recentley decided that I was going to break up with my boyfriend who was great and go back to my ex
He was cheating on me anyway. I really dont' think any guy knows how to be faithful
I am not saying that I have never made the mistake of cheating on a guy, but guys realize what they have done and keep doing it. Not me I learned my lesson

just found all these few lines interesting....thats all.....

Originally posted by CuteJess72
I really dont' think any guy knows how to be faithful. I am not saying that I have never made the mistake of cheating on a guy, but guys realize what they have done and keep doing it

That is really not true. I am a guy and I never cheated on anyone in my life. Never!!!!
The truth is that there are some men who cheat and some women who cheat. There are also some of us men and women who never cheat. Unfortunately, many of us do not know our partners are cheaters until it is too late.:(

Originally posted by ChaoticThoughts


Speak for yourself, Im a dick.

LMFAO.

Rayne

Originally posted by CuteJess72
I really dont' think any guy knows how to be faithful. I am not saying that I have never made the mistake of cheating on a guy, but guys realize what they have done and keep doing it

Uhhhh thats kind of a broad and sweeping statement...hell I have been cheated on (He f*cked my best friend at the time actually), but I dont think ALL men should be classed in the unfaithful bracket.....

Besides they wouldnt cheat if the wasnt something wrong in the relationship.....mine was I wouldnt sleep with him.....so he slept with her, and now hes a junkie. Not that she had anything to do with it, its just a great way to end the story.....god he was a loser....

Rayne

Originally posted by Shadowhawk
Glad we could be of some help Jess. By the way, for what it's worth, all men ARE pigs to a certain extent:D but we're not all cheaters:) Take your time like you're doing now. The right one will turn up sooner or later:cool:

For what its worth...I dont think you are a pig.....just really weird :p

Rayne

See, here is my situation. I am a virgin ( by choice ) and I am not saying that I plan to stay that way till mariage like some people, but I would like to know that I am in love with whoever I sleep with. So, maybe he did cheat on me because she would give him something that I wouldn't . Who knows. I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.

Originally posted by CuteJess72
See, here is my situation. I am a virgin ( by choice ) and I am not saying that I plan to stay that way till mariage like some people, but I would like to know that I am in love with whoever I sleep with. So, maybe he did cheat on me because she would give him something that I wouldn't . Who knows. I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.

Okay, let me get this straight. You want to fall in love with a man (and him fall, too, of course), develop a relationship, form all the bonds and all, and have sex NOT be an issue? Hmmm . . . sure, it's possible. Actually, the best place to find a guy like that is the Humane Society . . . just have him FIXED before you get him home . . . :D.

What you're asking is a tall order. Most men I know have SERIOUS sexual needs in the long term. I mean, sure, we can give it a few weeks or even months . . . maybe longer, but eventually, all of that frustration IS going to show itself, and that's going to result in a lot of tension and animosity towards you. Remember, what you're asking a man to do is put off HIS needs indefinitely for YOUR needs. That's a tall order for ANY person. Do a role reversal if you like: what if your man demanded sex of you constantly but was unwilling to show you love till after you're married. Could you handle that?

Now, let me muddy up the waters a bit more. What if sex with this person is TERRIBLE. Come one people . . . how many here have found some really wonderful person that's sexy and fun to be with, but sex was like sitting through a bad movie and pretending you like it? It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to sustain that kind of relationship ESPECIALLY if you've already seen Star Wars, Patton, and Big Jake as a triple feature, you know?

I'm NOT saying you should sleep with everybody. Not in the LEAST. But, to put your benchmark of a "good guy" as someone who'll love you while repressing his sexual needs indefinietly is going to leave you a pretty lonely person.

Originally posted by CuteJess72
I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.

I suggest becomming a lezbian.

Ok, if you must have a man, dont demand stuff like this. You seem a little bitter, a virgin that doesnt trust guys and you are already very demanding. Personally, I would not waste my time. But some guys would.

You could either find a "nice guy" or meet one at church. You have better odds of finding a wimp that wont demand sex. But I advise you relax and enjoy sex, it can be good if you let it be.

Originally posted by CuteJess72
See, here is my situation. I am a virgin ( by choice ) and I am not saying that I plan to stay that way till mariage like some people, but I would like to know that I am in love with whoever I sleep with. So, maybe he did cheat on me because she would give him something that I wouldn't . Who knows. I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.

I had a relationship for a couple years where we never had actual intercourse. i liked it just as much as having sex. And sex wasnt an issue when we broke up. If the guy really loves you then actual sex wont be that important to him, though he will probably have a desire for at least some sort of sexual intimacy.

To be honest Jess, you're more than likely going to find that to be a pretty rough search. Hollywood and the media have glorified sex for so long that society in general sees nothing wrong with casual sex very early in a relationship.

Old fashioned ladies like you are at a disadvantage nowadays. I'm sure you can find a guy like you're looking for though. Just understand it's going to take time. Just try to put yourself in social situations where you're more likely to find that kind of guy. Obviously you'd be a bit more likely to find what you're looking for at a church social than at a bar.

Good luck, and don't be embarrassed to stick to your guns...
"Above all, to thine own self be true" and all that rot:D

Originally posted by CuteJess72
See, here is my situation. I am a virgin ( by choice ) and I am not saying that I plan to stay that way till mariage like some people, but I would like to know that I am in love with whoever I sleep with. So, maybe he did cheat on me because she would give him something that I wouldn't . Who knows. I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.
I think there are. You just have to find them. I think if you hang around church groups you might find people like that. You might also concider Christian dating clubs. I think if you check out the internet you might find something.

well I hate to be the one that sticks out in the crowd.. but I am in the same boat.. I am virgin (by choice once again) and "plan" on waiting to get married to give it to that person.. well guys like me are, like was mentioned, few and far between.. I feel like I am the only 21 yr. old male that hasn't had sex, but has went out with alot of girls.. anyways, just wanted to make sure you actually figure out what you really want.. do you really want a guy that you don't have to have sex with? or did you leave him already? just make sure you know what you can get, and realize that Tom Cruise isn't going to come nocking anytime soon, so find a guy that cares about you and not sex, and start from there.. I am not saying take what you can get, just don't settle till you really want what you are going to get..

Originally posted by D Durden


Okay, let me get this straight. You want to fall in love with a man (and him fall, too, of course), develop a relationship, form all the bonds and all, and have sex NOT be an issue? Hmmm . . . sure, it's possible. Actually, the best place to find a guy like that is the Humane Society . . . just have him FIXED before you get him home . . . :D.

What you're asking is a tall order. Most men I know have SERIOUS sexual needs in the long term. I mean, sure, we can give it a few weeks or even months . . . maybe longer, but eventually, all of that frustration IS going to show itself, and that's going to result in a lot of tension and animosity towards you. Remember, what you're asking a man to do is put off HIS needs indefinitely for YOUR needs. That's a tall order for ANY person. Do a role reversal if you like: what if your man demanded sex of you constantly but was unwilling to show you love till after you're married. Could you handle that?

Now, let me muddy up the waters a bit more. What if sex with this person is TERRIBLE. Come one people . . . how many here have found some really wonderful person that's sexy and fun to be with, but sex was like sitting through a bad movie and pretending you like it? It's almost IMPOSSIBLE to sustain that kind of relationship ESPECIALLY if you've already seen Star Wars, Patton, and Big Jake as a triple feature, you know?

I'm NOT saying you should sleep with everybody. Not in the LEAST. But, to put your benchmark of a "good guy" as someone who'll love you while repressing his sexual needs indefinietly is going to leave you a pretty lonely person. Gee Dave, that's not very Deaconlike of you.:p

I know I am going to get flogged because of this, but last Thursday I was at work and stacy called (exstillinlove) well we start talking and I mentioned to her that I saw the monster movie and loved it. She said she wanted to see it, so later on that night we went to see it. Anyways, afterwards we came back to her house, and I thought I would check my email. Well, after doing so, I pulled up trusty da.com. And there it was at the top of her screen, plain as day, “Welcome back, cutejess72”.. .. .. busted.. yeah I thought it was her when she first signed on, but wasn’t ever sure. Anyways, I laughed..

But my question is, is this true, or is this made up? Is this actually going on in her life? I don’t know.. I don’t know what all she thinks a lot of times, she keeps them mostly to herself. I saw her once this weekend, and she was pretty wattrd. And she pretty much broke down, saying she needed help, well if she needs help, and she asks for it on here, I would appreciate you guys do what you can. She has been threw a lot of crap in the last year, but I know she wants to get her life straight. Now as for me and her? Yeah that ended years ago, and I stopped liking her b/c I thought it would make her happy. I really don’t want much to do with her, because it feels like she is either hurting me, or I am hurting her all the time.. and that’s not healthy, or the way it is suppose to be..

Originally posted by jwreck
Gee Dave, that's not very Deaconlike of you.:p

VERY true . . . but, alas, bearing false witness (lying) is a sin, too! :D :D :D

RUN LUKE RUN . . .

Originally posted by D Durden
RUN LUKE RUN . . .

Run fast, run hard, run long, just RUN!!!

Originally posted by CuteJess72
See, here is my situation. I am a virgin ( by choice ) and I am not saying that I plan to stay that way till mariage like some people, but I would like to know that I am in love with whoever I sleep with. So, maybe he did cheat on me because she would give him something that I wouldn't . Who knows. I just don't trust guys. Is there any guy out there that can handle not having sex and still have a good relationship. Thats all I really want is to be happy with a guy and him not expect me to sleep with him.

They do exist, but good luck finding one. Basically you'll have to find another virgin. Even then you're not guarenteed.

Originally posted by Wedge4876
I know I am going to get flogged because of this, but last Thursday I was at work and stacy called (exstillinlove)

Anyways, afterwards we came back to her house, and I thought I would check my email. Well, after doing so, I pulled up trusty da.com. And there it was at the top of her screen, plain as day, “Welcome back, cutejess72”.. .. .. busted.. yeah I thought it was her when she first signed on, but wasn’t ever sure.


I think you missed something here Jwreck :D See above quote - LOL!

Not very Jedi Master of you to miss that - LMAO!

DOH!! :eek:

Originally posted by Shadowhawk



I think you missed something here Jwreck :D See above quote - LOL!

Not very Jedi Master of you to miss that - LMAO!

thank you thank you thank you.. I am the sneakiest person I know..

Originally posted by Shadowhawk



I think you missed something here Jwreck :D See above quote - LOL!

Not very Jedi Master of you to miss that - LMAO!
And let this be a lesson about drinking and posting **hiccup**;)

LOL! You should know better by now than to drink that Dagobah swamp water anyway:)

As for you Wedge, obviously Stacy is at least damned near as sneaky as you and even more manipulative. Take Dave's advice and mine... RUN! Run like the Flash:D Your relationship situation is ALMOST as screwed up as my family!:eek:

I agree. You should treat her like the PLAGUE. She definitely has major issues to say the least.

LOL! You should know better by now than to drink that Dagobah swamp water anyway
Ahh, but potent and refreshing it is.

thanks for the encouragement, and believe you me, I did run she actually called the other night while I was at home.. my friends (thank god for him) wouldn't let me talk to her.. he said she was crying and really really wanted to talk to me just for 5 sec. well, he hung up on her, and went out to celebrate with a couple more friends of mine, only to find out that she called again a little while later, high as a muthafuka.. so anyways, yeah I am glad I am out.. ain't no looking back..

Despite what Dave says, there my be hope for you after all... :D

LMAO!

well, I spend most of my time with a very hot friend of mine (yes she is female) so it's all good..

"help me o'bi won ken durden, your my only hope..."