I have been told so many times, that I am simply scared to be alone, that is why I stay in relationships that are going nowhere.. To think about it, I think I am right. Perhaps I need to be alone to understand the value of myself and just what it is I am looking for. Anyone else feel or have felt this way, and if so Share with us..

Yes, I am alone for the first time in 6 years..It is quite lonely I tell ya.. and with the holidays approaching I am getting sad..

You need to raise your standards more than just "not being alone".

You need to figure out what you NEED and not what you want to want or what's trendy at the moment. More importantly, you need to figure out the traits you're going to desire 3 months after the "cool" wears off.

Most importantly, you're going to have to figure out IF one person can fulfill your attention needs. If NOT, then you should bother with a relationship, OR, you need to figure out why you feel the need to have constant attention. I'm betting that that's where you need to be looking to solve all of the problems you believe you have.

I was with someone for almost two years when he dumped me right before the holidays last year. It was really hard, and I thought that I'd never feel like a normal, happy person again - but year later, I do. I think the year I spent on my own was one of the most important growing periods of my life. I didn't realize it, but I had started depending on him for happiness and strength. When he wasn't around anymore, I had to figure out how to rely on my own strength again. Like I said, the whole process of grieving, and then of regaining myself was long and hard. BUt now I feel much more self-sufficient. Being alone for that length of time taught me so much about myself that maybe I wouldn't have learned if I was still with him. I can look back now and say I'm better off because of it.

Why do you fear being alone? Did your dad leave you when you were young, or something?

I have the opposite problem, I rather be alone, just an anti-social freak. Lonelyness is nothing to fear, you can spend the time learning more about yourself.

Being alone doesn't necessarily equal lonely. When my last relationship ended I realized how much of myslef I'd lost. I took some time to be a little selfish and re-align my priorities. I focused more on me than on someone else PLUS me. I became happy with myself. You have to make yourself happy. If you need someone else to be happy, you'll always be disappointed. If I were you I'd sit down and look at my life. Where are you going? What about the past do you want to repeat? What do you not want to repeat? What will truly make you happy? Then devise a plan to get what you want from life and start doing it. Go out with peole for FUN. Don't even think about relationships for awhile. Working in a bar I am sure you realize that men are easy to come by.
Trust me that's not gonna change any time soon. Worry about yourself for awhile. Think of it more as being independant, not alone. My 2 cents.

girl you know I am in the same boat..

everyone on here keeps saying they become happy with myself, but that's what I am trying to find.. I really don't like myself, and it seems that I am going to be the only one always around.. but I am excited about being happy with just me..

years of relationship makes you not want to be lonely

Well...you know my feelings on the learning to be alone.... and I know it ain't a picnic....

My only problem is now that I am use to being alone.... As stupid as it may sound.... Just kind of trying to figure out who I am, not that I am alone. I've been Chris & (enter ex's name here) for so long, now learning my identity is the hard part....

Yea, sounds goofy....but thats where I am.... :D

I know how you feel about being Al & (ex's name) .. it's like people start treating you as one person... which I always wanted, but I am not ready for.. everyone says for me to just be me for a while and not worry.. it's difficult, but in the long run, I hope I make it..

this one really struck me...i guess because of everyone saying that to be happy you have to be alone and find out what you really want in life. at first i thought it was crap but i started thinking that i am in a relationship, but why? i think i love him but do i really or do i just expect him to do all the things that need to be done to make me happy.

one top of that i met a guy that has been giving making me happy but sometimes i don't think he feels the way for me the way i feel for him so then i get unhappy. so i am thinking maybe i should be alone only to be fair to all parties participating here. and you know what part of me is scared but most of me says hey you were single before and nothing was wrong then so why not do it again

i don't believe its necessary to be alone to be happy. I believe you have to be in touch with yourself and really look at yourself honestly to know how to be happy. I just know many people get caught up in a relationship and don't really take the time to deal with themselves. Especially if someone is afraid to be alone. Its a lot easier to put a few band aids on a relationship to keep it going or to find a replacement relationship than it is to look at yourself and sometimes make life-altering changes to make yourself happy. No one likes to examine their flaws and shortcomings. This makes it easy to blame a failed relationship and ensuing unhappiness on someone else. "They didn't give me what I needed to be happy." or the ever popular "No matter what I did I couldn't make them happy."

You do not need to be alone to be happy. But If you happen to be alone, deal with it for a while. Use the time to think and learn. People run to find another person, and it is pitiful. You do not always need someone else, do not be so dependent. But if you find the right person, you can be in a relationship again.

Just think of all the extra freedom you have when you dont need to worry about what someone else thinks of your actions, it can be very liberating not to have to second guess your self with "oh what would my boy/girlfriend think."