Hi everyone, my good friend Manu sent me this site some time ago and even tho I read it often I have never posted. Seems he is a bit worried about me. Manu and I have been friends for a couple years now. I met him plying Ultima Online. Recently I have seperated from my husband. I am a mother of 2 girls (4 and 7) and feeling a bit stressed. Manu thinks it will help to talk to some others going thru or people who have gone thru this before. so if anyone has comments I would love to hear them.

Hi there.. I am glad you decided to join us.. Although I havent had the same experience as you, I know their is a few members that have. I am sure they will help you out.. :)

Heather

Oh yeah. You're looking for bitter divorcees? You've come to the right place!

Welcome!!

hey i used to play UO ALOT with manu...but he was more into PKing that i was ;) haha

my character was MacDuff...

who were you?

Welcome to the site. I hope you find what you're looking for.

Thanks for the welcome. Well as for bitter, it isn't quite bitter yet. We are getting along. He just has different priorities than I do. I want to keep this as civil as I can. I was and still am Bryanna in UO. I believe I remember MacDuff. :) Manu never pk'd me actually he protected me more than anything LOL

hehe...

i was a mace weilding bard :)...

ahh...soo long ago

Originally posted by Truds
Hi everyone, my good friend Manu sent me this site some time ago and even tho I read it often I have never posted. Seems he is a bit worried about me. Manu and I have been friends for a couple years now. I met him plying Ultima Online. Recently I have seperated from my husband. I am a mother of 2 girls (4 and 7) and feeling a bit stressed. Manu thinks it will help to talk to some others going thru or people who have gone thru this before. so if anyone has comments I would love to hear them.

That is rough. I went through a nasty divorce a couple of years ago and know what you are going through. After being married to someone for 8 years, and having a daughter besides, my wife decided she wanted out of the marriage. She did not give me a reason, though I later found out it was for another man (or more properly several men that she was involved with). I though my world would end. I was worried. I saw a doctor and was perscribed anti depressants. I thought about suicide. I lost 50 pounds after not eating. I started smoking for the first time in my life. I also began a life long addiction to the internet, which I still have today.

If I can tell you one thing, its not to loose hope. You will get over this and get on with your life. Maybe your husband will come back, maybe not. The most important thing to remember is that you need to be there for your kids. They need you. Without a dad they need you now more than ever. Regardless what happens, be strong and remember that tomorrow will be different. If you need help dont be afraid to ask other. Look to your mother and father, other family and friends for support. If you are depressed dont be too ashamed to seek a doctor. I did and it helped big time. Finally I might also suggest saying a prayer. Look to a higher source. Maybe your higher source is Jesus or maybe its Allah or Buddah. Regardless, ask for devine guidence.

Blessings,

Tom

Well Tom it was like this I was married for 10 years. My husband is a nice guy but the problem is that he doesn't want responsibility. He has never decided on what to do for work and he jumps from job to job but enjoys spending money we didn't have. I am not depressed because I know that I am better off with out him in that sense. I think alot of the marriage was habit. Since then I have started my own dayhome for my own income. he would have to do alot for me to consider anything and he isn't willing. We decided that it just isn't there anymore. He is short with the kids and has some violent tendencies and anger management issues. I am not looking to him coming back just how I can make things easier for my daughters. I am more stressed because I haven't a vehicle and not the income I really feel comfortable with...it will get there slow but I know it will.

Originally posted by Truds
Well Tom it was like this I was married for 10 years. My husband is a nice guy but the problem is that he doesn't want responsibility. He has never decided on what to do for work and he jumps from job to job but enjoys spending money we didn't have. I am not depressed because I know that I am better off with out him in that sense. I think alot of the marriage was habit. Since then I have started my own dayhome for my own income. he would have to do alot for me to consider anything and he isn't willing. We decided that it just isn't there anymore. He is short with the kids and has some violent tendencies and anger management issues. I am not looking to him coming back just how I can make things easier for my daughters. I am more stressed because I haven't a vehicle and not the income I really feel comfortable with...it will get there slow but I know it will.
Have you and your husband tried counciling? In my situation, I tried to get counciling but my wife refused. I think that if you can get your spouse to get help you won half the battle.

Criminal, I believe her husband refused, or they tried it and he stopped going...

Here's a pitfall with counseling or, even worsse, being married to one. In my experience, the counseling may not only explain why a problem exists, but it may also "justify" it i.e. Betty is not sensitive to Ed's physical needs. She finds out from the counselor that that's common with a family life like hers. Now, while that IS an expalanation, it's NOT a treatment. To Betty, it may just be the justification she needs to continue her treatment of Ed. "I'm not insensitive . . . I have a 'condition' . . . so leave me alone."

Marriage counseling DID help me, though. Basically, I learned that my then-wife was probably never going to change, and that she had vindication in every one of her behaviours. I, coming from a nice family, however, had NO excuses for behaving the way I did. The counselor was considerate enough to tell me that people like her NEVER change till they hit rock bottom . . . and sometimes then they just blame it on someone else, anyway.

I tried to get him to go to counselling 3 years ago but he refused so I went anyway. It did me a world of good and helped me sort thru all my issues. I thought I would give it another go and give him the benifit of the doubt but he went back into the same pattern. When his anger management issues got really bad 6 months ago to the point of him starting to get rough I told him it was counselling or he moves. He said ok finally but then backed down. So I said enough is enough and that we should split up.
I am not sure if this will wake him up or not but I know I am not sitting around waiting

I agree that counseling can sometimes "justify" problems. My ex and I went to counseling twice. The first basically told my wife that I was mentally unstable and that was our problem. Then the rest of the time was spent trying to "fix" me. The second counselor said that my wife was depressed and unstable and then tried to "help" her. I think we just made each other crazy and nothing was going to help either of us, at least not while we were together.