I was discussing long-distance relationships with a friend the other day, and I described them as 'inviting an inevitable breakup situation'. No cheating necessary, even. They say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I say absence makes the heart grow hungry. I've been there.

I just recently ended a relationship with a girl that I was certain I would marry, because circumstances sent us to opposite ends of the continent. Five-hour phone conversations just aren't enough. Soon, the connection began to fade. Without physical contact, the term 'relationship' no longer seemed to fit the situation. It's a shame, but it's life.

Has anyone ever been in one of these things that worked out in the end? Share your stories here!

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Seven stage denial to break the pieces further
To whisper on the wind how you can't appease me further
To color all your words with the stain of introspection
To hope to realign the webs of fate we're spinning

[This message has been edited by Guitarophile (edited 09-07-2001).]

fo-shinzy dude....i won't go out with a girl who is more than 30 mins away from me....


i just can't stand the drive.. http://discussanything.com/Ubb/wink.gif



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"The only thing i know is that i don't know"
-Socrates
http://216.105.37.221/images/gif006.gif

I've tried seriously long-distance relationships (2500 miles and up) twice. Let's just say I definitely like the guys more now that they're not guilt-tripping me into staying in every Saturday night to talk to them (or wait around, in case they happen to call), and now that they're not keeping me from enjoying my life. They were both kinda psycho to start with (one moreso than the other), but generally nice guys (hence why I dated them...don't usually go for the 'psycho with no redeeming qualities' type).

I guess those things can work out. If it's a short-term long-distance thing (as in, a few months, but knowing that it would move to a doable distance soon), I think there's a much greater chance of things being ok. But, you know, actually seeing the people you're dating makes a big difference - you can't live a relationship on just phone calls and online chat. It's unhealthy, for one, and, yes, the physicality of being with a person you're dating (and I don't just mean sex - just being around them...when you're dating someone, it's nice to, say, go on dates...watch movies together, go places, have fun...) makes a huge difference.

Anyways, that's my two cents. I guess it can work out, but probably only if the distance thing isn't going to last, or maybe if you actually get to see each other really often (you have *how* many frequent flier tickets saved up?). At least that's been my experience.

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"I have no regrets. Regret only makes wrinkles." - Sophia Loren

I agree with guitarophile. I actually had a similar circumstance happen. In fact, we even managed to keep up a friendship for a couple of years after the "relationship" itself kind of fizzled.

Two major problems with trying to resolve long distance relationships. First, people change... and when young, the changes can happen pretty quickly. Second, if the couple are to get back together, it usually means that one of them is going to have to give up thier current life... i.e job, apartment, etc. That alone can make for a real hard choice.

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Artist formerly known as Reindeer

Been there, done that, and believe me whan I say that I feel your pain. I was in Georgia, she was in Oregon. The experience provided most of the very best experiences of my life. And most of the very worst. Ever had emotional distress so severe it made you physically ill? I have. There were a couple of times when I hung up the phone, went to the bathroom, and threw up.

Hmm Dest, turbo is in Oregon :P JK!!

Yeah, my current GF lives about 40 miles away, and that is rough enough! And I can see her on a regular basis!

But peolpe that CAN make a long distance thing work, that is incredible.

But overall, yes, it is a recepie for disaster.

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Manu Narayan

i'm here Heather http://discussanything.com/Ubb/smile.gif

And yes it is difficult beyond imagination, but it is possible. It takes trust, loads of it. It's not always good but if there's trust, there's hope.

Thing is, if you live with someone and they move for college or whatever, it's likely to break your relationship. But in my case this thing we have is our basis, it's all we know for now. So it can only get better, and it will. I'm working hard on moving to the US, and work there etc, and in the meantime she's coming here to study. It'll be the first time we'll be together for longer than 2 consecutive weeks. I have faith.

And yes, living like this for a few years sucks a great deal, but what are a few years on a lifetime if you feel that this is the right decision?

Tam? In the Us? Get the press!

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Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
George Carlin

The roughest time in my marriage was when I was stationed at the Great Mistake Naval Base north of Chicago and my wife was living in Dayton, Ohio. That was about a six month separation. If we weren't married, I don't if it would have worked..

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Uh, what country is this??

I don't think it is fair to say that it will always be a disaster.. Where is tam, he needs to make a comment here. I can only imagine how hard it is to be in love with someone many many miles away. To say it is impossible though, I cannot agree. I have seen it work before. Sure it causes lots of pain and requires Way to much trust. The part that would bother me the most is no physical contact, I liked to be held, etc. When I am down and need a hug..to not have that would hurt me more. Like i said though, trust my friends. Are you scared that they will be unfaithful, or are you the one that could not be faithful? Something to ponder that is all.

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"The grand essentials to happiness in this life are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for"
-Joseph Addison

having recently ended a lengthy, long-dist relationship, i think they are possible to maintain if the circumstances are right. i think both people need to be within a decent driving time of each other. also, money connaot be an issue (phone calls, packages, etc.) also, each person must be willing and comitted to the othr person. the relationship is tough, but possible. by saying that a long distance relationship is asking for disaster neglects the fact that most relationships are asking for disaster. the majority of them do not end in marraige, but that's no reason to not have one. long distance relationships are sometimes easier because each person is allowed his/her own space and life that is not complicated by another person's intrusion. Just my humble opinion.

Originally posted by Squalo:
having recently ended a lengthy, long-dist relationship, i think they are possible to maintain if the circumstances are right. i think both people need to be within a decent driving time of each other

Thats funny. I don't really consider anything thats a decent driving time away to be 'long distance'. The thing that makes it long-distance IS not being decently close. For me it's currently 11 hours in planes, trains and automobiles to get anywhere close. First half of next year my girl will be 2 hours away at college. To me that's a luxury.

But to each their own..

Yeah Corey, you had a pseudo long distance thing. An hour drive up to SB isn't a long distance thing :-).

But you are right on the all relationships are a recepie for disaster...but it seems when getting into a long distance one it is stacking the deck, and not in your favor.

My GF lives an hour away, and I am able to make it out there 2-4 times a week. But with lots of phone, im, and email talking things have been going great :-)

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Manu Narayan

Well, I think it depends on what stage in life you're in.

I had two bad experiences early in my "career". We were young, partying, and some of those nights got TOO lonely to bear . . . or not bare if you know what I mean.

Now, though, I'm in another long distance relationship, but it's going okay. I'm not out drinking every night, and I'm not surrounded by a bunch of severly attractive women. There's not NEARLY as much temptation to cheat. Along those lines, I've also got time to do things around my house, pursue my hobbies, and raise my kid.

When we're together, we're TOGETHER. It's intense and wonderful and passionate and all that other good stuff. It's fun to get excited about seeing each other.

Now, though, we've gotten way closer than we had anticipated, and it's time to makes some "moves". It's hard. We're both scared . . . but excited all in the same big ball of chaos!

Do long distance relationships work? Sometimes. I don't think they work too young nor to immaturely or in a "target rich" environment. It's NOT a matter of love, really. It's a matter of urgency of need . . . whatever that need may be.