so.... yeah.. lotsa stuff goin through my head. I'm tryin not to slow down from the weight of these thoughts but as always its an uphill battle. I'm okay for now- almost happy even...except with kind of a hollow "ive-thrown-away-almost-everything-thats-important-to-me" way. But i know that everything I've pushed behind me or neglected have been for the better--at least in the long run. I havent confronted the whole thing with my friends yet... The last I spoke to any of them was two weeks ago --when i was tempted to go to the bible study at school but i knew i couldnt, of course i couldnt explain it to them... So... i know they'll call me again and i dont know what they think im feeling about allthis, but i know they'd be surprised to hear what i think...

So... if you've read the last paragraph, you probably have a headache, but if you skimmed it and basically started here, maybe you can tell me what you think of this:

Should I email Kim and tell her i wont sneak out to go to church or bible study again... that i wont lie to my parents...
i guess its technically a lie because i want to go but i havent told them that, but the sneaking around thing sure doesnt work.....

so do i email her? or do i wait a few weeks--- i know she'll call me.... of course then i might back out on saying it again and this way its off my chest...
yeah, i think this might be the best i can do for now...

i really do miss my friends though. I dont know what Kim will say if i email her.. actually, i;d assume she'd either email me back or call me and want to talk...which is fine.. I know that once i get the words out once on paper or in person, i'll be able to stick to it... and if she called me or emailed me and had understood what i needed to tell her, at least to some degree...then maybe i wont lose all connection to the group. They have been my friends for the past year and a half (in a way it feels like a matter of weeks, but it also feels like a long time....weirdness) But they have been my friends and I miss them. And im 20 and i need to have friends.....even if i dont have an incredible amount of chemistry with them... I dont know

should i do this email thing? Yay, nay? hmm? is it a huge copout? though even if it is, i have to say that its probably the best i can do on this one... especially because Kim is the one im sure im gonna end up sharing this with and she is like 28 which for some reason makes it hard for me to assert myself.

okay...im gonna stop rambling now

Originally posted by BonnieBon
I havent confronted the whole thing with my friends yet... The last I spoke to any of them was two weeks ago --when i was tempted to go to the bible study at school but i knew i couldnt, of course i couldnt explain it to them... So... i know they'll call me again and i dont know what they think im feeling about allthis, but i know they'd be surprised to hear what i think...
Why not? This issue of friends seems to be a lot of trouble for you. Tell them....talk to them. They are your friends, and as such, deserve to know the truth. You need to tell Kim one way or the other. You also need to tell your parents. You need to come clean to mom and pop before anyone else. Hey, at least you're not telling them that you're gay. :D
Originally posted by BonnieBon
okay...im gonna stop rambling now
Good!:D Also, could you please not use the elipsis so much? Thanks. :p

Yep... Same advice I've offered before & still agree with.

Just be honest, but tactful. It'll all work out for the best in the long run with all parties concerned:)

Originally posted by Ponycar_302

Good!:D Also, could you please not use the elipsis so much? Thanks. :p

hmm....are you...trying to tell me somethin?...well...
haha... okay, I'll try to stop, I'll make it a resolution, but dont come whinin to me when I start overdosing on commas and dashes to compansate....(oops!) :o



Okay, the parent thing. First let me say you two are right. But I know the consequences of telling the rent's and they are severe. I've been here, that talk has been had and i had to deal with that for the past year and a half-- I feel like I'm on my way back to some kind of normalcy by not sneaking around, and I feel like it's the best i can do for now.

I know its not right, but I'm not willing to pay the consequences of having that conversation with my parents again. I've already lost a lot of intimacy with them, a lot of trust. This religion thing is like a scab. I can't pick at it until I'm in a place where it can heal. If I pull it off now, i just dont think i could deal with what i already know will happen. Like I said, I know you guys are right.

All along people have told me to be straight with my parents, but what would you do after when you're forbidden to go to church, quizzed about whether you are going out to see Christian friends every time you leave the house. My mom even came over to me at the height of the drama and screamed "IS JESUS YOUR SAVIOR?" {and i wanted to say "yeah mom, who's your savior" but i knew it wasn't the right move]

the mormon church got ahold of my number a year ago from, a girl from camp bravo and kept calling and my mom was absolutely convicned it was the church i had attended...even though it was an entirely different religion. Would you tell them knowing that they had alread had those reactions and would probably have more if the subject was brought up again? really, i mean...would you?

as for the emailing Kim thing, I'm contemplating... i need at least a day or two to collect my thoughts on what i want to say, but i think its something i need to do. i dont even think i'd be able to have the conversation if she called me.

They sound like tough people to deal with. From the way you've described them I'd say religious zealots.



Well, if you need a place to stay....:D