I've gotten myself into this situation and as much as I'd like to cry out, "I've fallen and I can't get up" no one can really get me out of it. I don't really know how to fix it. There are some things I'd so if I had more than half an ounce of nerve in my body...

one would be: tell my parents where I stand on God and all that stuff...

two: tell my church friends that i cant lie about this anymore---and that as much as i love and respect them, even if i want to keep spending a lot of time with them, there are things that would always keep me from feeling fully connected to them....

i'm not doing either of these things right now.... and probably not even in the near future. As for these friends... I dont know
Like i said yesterday, I wanted to say something to Kim and i just couldnt get the words out...

Tonight was the first Bible Study at CSUN--- i wanted to go... Well.. part of me wanted to go. I was tempted ,but i knew i couldnt let myself do that anymore. Even if i went and was enlightened by what i heard and happy to see my friends it would just be a bigger blow next time when i couldnt go because of not being able to lie--- and i wouldve had to lie tonight...

I'm expecting a call from Kim or one of my other friends any day now-- "oh, sorry you didnt make it tuesday night, and how bout next tuesday.."

i'm still pissed off at myself for not telling her yesterday--- and even with how disappointed and upset i am at myself, i still dont feel like i could say what i need to.

Okay-- thats enough of the "piss and moan" club for now

You will feel better as soon as you are honest you know. Maybe things wont be great but its a weight of your mind and soul. I think anyway.

Hang tough & start believeing in yourself. That's the first step to getting control of your life.

Just trust in your instincts & a little help from above to know when the time is right to deal with your parents. Don't let fear override your beliefs when the time is right though.

Bible study... If it's what you want & believe in, I'd go. Stopping whateveer lies there are or you feel exist would be a better approach there.:) Besides, you could argue it'd be just as big a lie to deny what you believe by avoiding going. If you're not sure either way, there's no lie or turning your back on anything in simply investigating to find the truth.

Best advice I could seriously give you here is to just pray on it & follow your heart afterwards:)

GAK! I took too long to reply & Rayne beat me.:(

Even more incredible is we seem to agree here.:D:D I kept telling her we weren't as diff as she often thought though, LOL!

Originally posted by Prometheus
Hang tough & start believeing in yourself. That's the first step to getting control of your life.

Just trust in your instincts & a little help from above to know when the time is right to deal with your parents. Don't let fear override your beliefs when the time is right though.

Bible study... If it's what you want & believe in, I'd go. Stopping whateveer lies there are or you feel exist would be a better approach there.:) Besides, you could argue it'd be just as big a lie to deny what you believe by avoiding going. If you're not sure either way, there's no lie or turning your back on anything in simply investigating to find the truth.

Best advice I could seriously give you here is to just pray on it & follow your heart afterwards:)

its what i believe in, but i cant sit in a bible study or a morning of church with a core belief of "honor thy mother and father" while i'm lying to my parents.. theres something very wrong about that... im surprised i was able to do it for so long

Originally posted by Prometheus
GAK! I took too long to reply & Rayne beat me.:(


Thats because Im a winner...and winners never.. umm lose.

Honesty actually does work - shock horror...tried some blatent stuff myself yesterday...woo feel much better. not much is changing...but the person I was honest with has a better grasp of the situation Im in with him. And I didnt need to beat him over the head with it.....

Originally posted by BonnieBon


its what i believe in, but i cant sit in a bible study or a morning of church with a core belief of "honor thy mother and father" while i'm lying to my parents.. theres something very wrong about that... im surprised i was able to do it for so long


Hmm, yeah... I get what you're saying there now, Bonnie. Rough dilemna since withholding the truth is a form of lying. Well, maybe that's your sign that it IS time to talk to your parents. Rayne actually has been known to be right twice in one night before.... once in a while... I think:D

OK, just trying to lighten the mood & cheer you up.:) Once again, you can always prey for guidance here. On how as well as when.