seriously...did he skip me or something? an experiment.. UGH

I'm not sure if I'm more angry or disappointed at myself right now---but I'm feelin a lot of both.

Readers Digest Version: I went to meet my friend Kim on campus today--she was at this table on campus with some of our other friends..and people from VCM (Victory Campus Ministries) I said hi to them and me and Kim went to this place called "the Pub" to get a soda---

My plan of action was to at least get the point across that I can't lie anymore-- to my parents that is. Which means no church or bible study for now... Maybe when i'm not living with them..but right now, i cant lie to them and come back home and look them in the eye--it's been tearing me apart for the past year and a half and i wont do that to myself anymore...

there is a bible study tomorrow night at school-- the first CSUN VCM... i wpould have liked to go if i didnt have to lie to get there...but i would.. and yet, I couldnt say no... Especially because Kimis like 27 or 28 years old or something... SHe is older.. so for me to assert my position like that would be hard...
then again.. i dont think the agre has much to do with it-- i mean, i can hold my own in a cponversation with an older person...buit with these friends..they talk like no one else could possibly be right... This is the flaw of organized religion-- lack of tolerance..

i dont know what to do now...
I guess my choices would be to show up tomorrow to tell them that i cant be there-- or email Kim... i dont like either of those options..

I feel.. i dont know.. its weird.. I mean, I am a pushover in some sitatuations, but other times I totally defend myself. For some reason, I am not finding the ability to handle this situation...

and liek i've said before-- i really like these people-- and i may continue going to their church when iam moved out of my house... but right now.. i cant live the way i was living

it should probably be a major "sign" that i had a better conversation with the 10 year old i babysit than with my friend kim this afternoon..
and i know we end up always having some references ot God and that kinda stuff because she doesnt see me much and she wants to know how that is going--but just knowing that someone is gonna ask you if you are reading your bible, growing in your relationship with God or something related EVERY time they talk to you.. I think i felt good about my friends doing that in the beginning, but now, especially with my circumstances, there have been times i've felt like saying, "get off my back."

-Me

:stupid:

I know you're prolly still ticked at me, and you're really not going to want to hear what I'm going to say; but:


Too much drama. Just say NO to things that you don't:
want to do.
make you uncomfortable.
put you in the middle of something
illegal
immoral
fattening

OOPS! As always, hope you feel better.

Originally posted by QtrHrsmn
I know you're prolly still ticked at me, and you're really not going to want to hear what I'm going to say; but:


Too much drama. Just say NO to things that you don't:
want to do.
make you uncomfortable.
put you in the middle of something
illegal
immoral
fattening



I was never ticked off at you, so don't sweat it. Okay..maybe for a second..but it was really just me feeling a little picked apart (but that was at least 50% me being oversensitive) so again, dont sweat it...

Thanks for the advice-- it's some good stuff...
I have a good head on my shoulders-- i just can't figure out how to use it in this situation...

okay, i'm gonna go bang my head into a tree or something:eek:

Bonnie,
You said something that I found interesting in someone who is christian <which Alex and I are not> That christians like your friends tend to be intolerant. That's probably the first time I've ever heard a christian admit that..Now on to a bigger issue.
My spin on this would be: I take religion to be a personal thing. People asking you the questions you outlined would be right up there with asking did you put fresh undies on in the morning, or what kind of BC do you use. To me ones choices in that repsect remain theirs, and how they choose and when they choose to visit those choices, talk to their god, or read their bible is their business and no one elses. It sounds to me like you are outgrowing these people. Just because they older doesn't mean they are any wiser, or that you have to pay homage to them. If they need that, they need to be visiting their church more often.
Now, hate to say it girl, but at 20, its time you level with your parents and discuss this difference you have over religion. Lying to them is just adding to your guilt, and that can't be good. It not only does that but forever will keep you in the position of a child trying to keep a sevret, instead of an adult asserting her right to choose her own religion instead of following one she doesn't believe in..
I know it sounds hard, but it's really not. Once the words start to come out you will feel an instant relief that they are out and you are free of the secret and the lies. If you parents have a shread of rememberance of their own childhoods they will accept it--they may not understand, but they will accept. It's only by doing this that you can truly begin to feel like you are an adult.

Originally posted by QtrHrsmn
I know you're prolly still ticked at me, and you're really not going to want to hear what I'm going to say; but:

fattening
[/list]

You say that like its easy :p