How many of you are currently married and you DO NOT love your spouse anymore?

[Charles]

If you're in the mentioned situation, when did your love for you SO diminish?

How long have you been married?

[Malcolm Wright]

Something bothers me about this question.
Its not personal: I'm not married.

I think it may be because you are relatively new to the forum and are asking what many people might find to be a very personal and confronting question. If I were married and no longer in love with my spouse, I'm pretty sure you are the last person I would think of telling, on a public forum no less. :|

[Charles]

Something bothers me about this question.
Its not personal: I'm not married.

I think it may be because you are relatively new to the forum and are asking what many people might find to be a very personal and confronting question. If I were married and no longer in love with my spouse, I'm pretty sure you are the last person I would think of telling, on a public forum no less. :|

I guess that may be why no one else has responded.

However, it is an anonymous forum.
It is a legitimate question.
It doesn't violate the terms of service.
It may be interesting to read the responses.
People might learn something.
Some posters might not feel uncomfortable answering the question - some may even be boastful or proud to the extent that they could justify and enjoy their married experience perhaps as companions but not as being in love.
Finally, I'd bet that a very large percentage of the readers out there would answer Yes - but they wouldn't necessarily reveal that. A lot of people (>50%???) remain in marriages long after the love is over.

[enola]

I am very new here as well, but I have noticed Charles is the local Questioner. Some of his questions can be interesting in fun, but this place is starting to look like a Trivia board. Is it?

[Charles]

I am very new here as well, but I have noticed Charles is the local Questioner. Some of his questions can be interesting in fun, but this place is starting to look like a Trivia board. Is it?

Some are trivia but I don't see how this thread is related to trivia.

Trivia is like "Which is the only team besides the Los Angeles Lakers to beat the boston celtics in the NBA championship?"

[josephdphillips]

If you're in the mentioned situation, when did your love for you SO diminish?

Define "love."

[enola]

Some are trivia but I don't see how this thread is related to trivia.

Trivia is like "Which is the only team besides the Los Angeles Lakers to beat the boston celtics in the NBA championship?"

Perhaps trivia is the wrong term. How about quiz? Because that is what it is. A bunch of quizzes.

[josephdphillips]

I'm concerned with the question, not with the taxonomy of a thread.

As a married man, I am very skeptical when a man tells me he no longer "loves" his wife. I've never, ever seen that to be true.

[Charles]

Define "love."

Heck I don't know. Whatever you think it means. Whatever it meant when you loved her?

[Charles]

I'm concerned with the question, not with the taxonomy of a thread.

As a married man, I am very skeptical when a man tells me he no longer "loves" his wife. I've never, ever seen that to be true.

I think it is pretty common. People stay married for a lot of reasons: financial "for the kids", companionship, the "least worst situation", etc. Now, they may not tell you they no longer love their wives, but the context of the thread is about who don't love their spouses - not those who proclaim to not love their spouses.

[BooRadley]

I don't have a wife, but if I did, I wouldn't love. I'd slap her and say GET YOUR BITCH ASS IN THE KITCHEN AND BAKE ME A PIE!

http://attachments.liberal-propaganda.com/share/upload/ericc/1338608584-eric_cartman_southpark.gif

[Charles]

I don't have a wife


Why don't you have a wife?

http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/0c340d09-e3b5-4eed-be77-eeff264d43e2.jpg



http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Angry_54a53d_2204970.jpg
http://www.divorce360.com/images/articleimages/RoperPoll_home_340.jpg

[enola]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.
Suffice it to say we are old, have no desire to look for someone new, get along as best friends, were married for over 20 years and fought all the time, got divorced but still lived in the same house as roomies, then remarried cuz we thought it would behoove us to protect ourselves from vultures if something happened to us. So yeah..I'm married, I love him like a brother and he me like a sister, we trust each other explicitly, and are best friends only. Works for us.

[Malcolm Wright]

Perhaps trivia is the wrong term. How about quiz? Because that is what it is. A bunch of quizzes.

Its a new phenomenon, dating from the arrival of Charles. The underlying flavor of the board is more heartfelt.
I like many of the threads you start, Charles, BTW. Its just that the sheer volume of them and their quiz-like nature do make me wonder, for lack of a better way of saying it.

[Malcolm Wright]

I guess that may be why no one else has responded.

However, it is an anonymous forum.
It is a legitimate question.
It doesn't violate the terms of service.
It may be interesting to read the responses.
People might learn something.
Some posters might not feel uncomfortable answering the question - some may even be boastful or proud to the extent that they could justify and enjoy their married experience perhaps as companions but not as being in love.
Finally, I'd bet that a very large percentage of the readers out there would answer Yes - but they wouldn't necessarily reveal that. A lot of people (>50%???) remain in marriages long after the love is over.

Of course it is a legitimate question. Of course it doesn't violate the terms of service - I didn't suggest either of these things.
As for your perception that it is an anonymous forum - that probably comes from your recent arrival. The place becomes less anonymous the longer you stay, and the more everyone learns about each other. There is a certain degree of intimacy here now that does not make it feel so anonymous for those who have been around for years. As for me, I chose long ago not to be anonymous for a host of reasons, mainly having to do with not wanting to say anything I would not back with my name.

I agree with your expectations in terms of answers.

However Enola's question is paramount. Your question becomes vague and for all intents and purposes useless unless you define love quite precisely.
My experience of long term relationships saw love evolve and change but without ceasing to be love. Everyone draws the line in a different place, in terms of the point beyond which one has fallen out of love.

M.

[Charles]

Of course it is a legitimate question. Of course it doesn't violate the terms of service - I didn't suggest either of these things.
As for your perception that it is an anonymous forum - that probably comes from your recent arrival. The place becomes less anonymous the longer you stay, and the more everyone learns about each other. There is a certain degree of intimacy here now that does not make it feel so anonymous for those who have been around for years. As for me, I chose long ago not to be anonymous for a host of reasons, mainly having to do with not wanting to say anything I would not back with my name.

I agree with your expectations in terms of answers.

However Enola's question is paramount. Your question becomes vague and for all intents and purposes useless unless you define love quite precisely.
My experience of long term relationships saw love evolve and change but without ceasing to be love. Everyone draws the line in a different place, in terms of the point beyond which one has fallen out of love.

M.

I don't know what to tell you. I can't define love....I think the thread can still be fun without a definition. Besides, if I provided a definition, it would start a whole new debate on the validity of my definition. Anyway, that's the way I wrote the original post. I think people can run with it without a perfect definition.

I'll be able to start more fun threads when I get some more time in the few days....got four kids to deal with this weekend and the Kings game is on tonight.

[Malcolm Wright]

I don't know what to tell you. I can't define love....I think the thread can still be fun without a definition. Besides, if I provided a definition, it would start a whole new debate on the validity of my definition. Anyway, that's the way I wrote the original post. I think people can run with it without a perfect definition.

I'll be able to start more fun threads when I get some more time in the few days....got four kids to deal with this weekend and the Kings game is on tonight.

Fair enough. Just wanted you to be aware of how it came across to me.

M.

[enola]

Charles, I don't mind the questionaires. Maybe you just want to get the gist of what the folks are like here. I do too. But that will come in time, the more I come around and the longer I stay. But most of your threads seem empty...like something in school of "what's your favorite color" and "who do you think is cute in your class".
Maybe you should start a thread just asking people to introduce/tell us about themselves, since you and I are both new? THEN we can get a handle on who is who, ya know?

Anyway...I started a thread when I got here introducing myself cuz there is no welcome forum..so I did it in The Lounge. I'd sure like to meet more folks and I know I will. It just takes a bit of time. :)

[Ratbag]

Notices in this discussion Charles own lack of any answer to the question.

[Malcolm Wright]

Notices in this discussion Charles own lack of any answer to the question.

Yes - I think that's a big factor in how all of this comes across.

[86Dùde]

I'll love my wife forever, but I'm not in love with her. People change. External stress whether it be the economy, illness, death or whatever will destroy a marriage. It sucks but that's life.

[Freedom&Liberty]

You still have me, buddy. I know we're not sexually compatible but if we were, it would be Viking style.

[queenlillian1962]

I don't mind Charles' questions, at least he's contributing to the board. :)

[Malcolm Wright]

I don't mind Charles' questions, at least he's contributing to the board. :)

Yeah - thanks for the perspective. Compared to many, Charles starts in several cuts above the grade.

[queenlillian1962]

I'll love my wife forever, but I'm not in love with her. People change. External stress whether it be the economy, illness, death or whatever will destroy a marriage. It sucks but that's life.

:(


Been married for almost 29 years now. I don't think we have the same type of love we did when we first got married. We aren't joined at the hip and love sick anymore. I think our love evolved to friendship and mutual respect. I think we'd be crushed if something happened to one of us.

Your right life will tear you to shreds. There have been times when I thought we'd kill each other or get divorced but so far that hasn't happened so I guess we're OK.

[josephdphillips]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.

Not to me. I understand it perfectly.

People "in love" are fools. Who wants to feel that way for very long, let alone for one's entire life?

[Ratbag]

Ummm everyone... that's kinda the point, when you're there it really is heaven. I too love my husband but don't feel that I'm IN love with him anymore, when people ask how it's possible to seperate them, I say I love him like I love my kids, I'm not IN love with them either :p but I do love them with my life.

[Charles]

Notices in this discussion Charles own lack of any answer to the question.

In this particular thread, I can't answer it because I love my wife. But, let's say I didn't, I would probably still stay married because a) I wouldn't want the financial perils of divorce b) I might still get along with her and would still want the companionship and c) I could still find "something else out there" to love while continuing to be "married".

We have four kids under 13. Now, if my wife and I were fighting like hell every day, and divorce was better for the kids than the stress they would endure from our fighting, then I may suck it up and get divorced, get an apartment, find some new love bird and continue on with my life.

[86Dùde]

Ummm everyone... that's kinda the point, when you're there it really is heaven. I too love my husband but don't feel that I'm IN love with him anymore, when people ask how it's possible to seperate them, I say I love him like I love my kids, I'm not IN love with them either :p but I do love them with my life.

I didn't know that was common. Wow, I feel like I've just been hit with a hammer.

[Lulu]

I didn't know that was common. Wow, I feel like I've just been hit with a hammer.

Really? I can't think of many couples who've been together over 5 years who can honestly still say they are still "in love". In fact, I can't think of any off the top of my head. What I have seen in others' relationships (since I'm not married): "in love" fades, but it is supposed to because you cannot stay at that level of passion and emotion forever. Most people settle into a comfortable love and friendship. The couples that make it don't lose love, respect, trust for each other and they don't fight dirty and they don't disrespect each other. They also don't look outside their relationship for excitement or passion.

I've seen 2 friends get divorced in the last year who still love their spouses but other stuff just got in the way. I know of several other couples who are hanging on by a thread. Of the 2 divorces, they fought a little dirty, the women lost respect for their husbands (both men didn't work for about 2+ years), and I think 1 couple had unrealistic expectations which is crazy since it's both of their 3rd marriages.

[josephdphillips]

There's a thin line between limerence ("in love") and obsession. How many murder/suicides involve people "in love?"

[86Dùde]

Well, this is depressing.

[josephdphillips]

I don't know why you're depressed about it. The cult of romance is relatively new, historically speaking. There are a million ways of feeling ecstatic besides being "in love," and without all the drama.

[RS1723]

This thread makes me so sad but I guess sometimes the truth hurts yeah?

[Ponycar_302]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.
Suffice it to say we are old, have no desire to look for someone new, get along as best friends, were married for over 20 years and fought all the time, got divorced but still lived in the same house as roomies, then remarried cuz we thought it would behoove us to protect ourselves from vultures if something happened to us. So yeah..I'm married, I love him like a brother and he me like a sister, we trust each other explicitly, and are best friends only. Works for us.

Do you two still fuck?

[Pappy&Me]

Why don't you have a wife?

http://www.examiner.com/images/blog/wysiwyg/image/0c340d09-e3b5-4eed-be77-eeff264d43e2.jpg



http://static.fjcdn.com/pictures/Angry_54a53d_2204970.jpg
http://www.divorce360.com/images/articleimages/RoperPoll_home_340.jpg


LOL thats love alright,but theres also another part to it that is opposite of this picture.Its the part that keeps you at it.

[Pappy&Me]

Really? I can't think of many couples who've been together over 5 years who can honestly still say they are still "in love". In fact, I can't think of any off the top of my head. What I have seen in others' relationships (since I'm not married): "in love" fades, but it is supposed to because you cannot stay at that level of passion and emotion forever. Most people settle into a comfortable love and friendship. The couples that make it don't lose love, respect, trust for each other and they don't fight dirty and they don't disrespect each other. They also don't look outside their relationship for excitement or passion.

I've seen 2 friends get divorced in the last year who still love their spouses but other stuff just got in the way. I know of several other couples who are hanging on by a thread. Of the 2 divorces, they fought a little dirty, the women lost respect for their husbands (both men didn't work for about 2+ years), and I think 1 couple had unrealistic expectations which is crazy since it's both of their 3rd marriages.



A good fight is cleansing.Couples who don't fight are'nt paying attention to each other.

[House]

Do you two still fuck?

I really don't want to know the answer to that question.

[Pappy&Me]

My relationship with hubby is strange. We love each other...but are not IN love. Too hard to explain.
Suffice it to say we are old, have no desire to look for someone new, get along as best friends, were married for over 20 years and fought all the time, got divorced but still lived in the same house as roomies, then remarried cuz we thought it would behoove us to protect ourselves from vultures if something happened to us. So yeah..I'm married, I love him like a brother and he me like a sister, we trust each other explicitly, and are best friends only. Works for us.

This works for some I guess,but I'm glad Pappy & I don't like each other.We'r old but we ain't dead yet.Anger can be a good thing,its beter when your selfish and just after your own pleasures,too hell with him,haha.He feels the same.Tough,better luck next time.

[Canadiense]

I don't understand people's strange reactions to this question, it seems so evasive/defensive.

It's a fact of life, scientifically researched and proven, that sexual intensity diminishes after only 18 months in a couple. What's left? Friendship, companionship, projects (kids etc), swinging, cheating...:) The choices are abundant.

"Love" is just a word. Behind the word are bonds that people share for various reasons. The words "I love you" are very much a psychological trap. That's why I hate saying them. "I love you" = "I need you" or "I can't live without you" or "Please don't ever leave me" or "Please don't ever f*ck someone else"... :) It's a bunch of la-di-da.

[brow900]

After 37 yrs. I find I love mine more . Didn't expect that...truelly. We fight for 15 min.s about twice a year.......aggrivation can be let go by a good visit to the bedroom.

or kitchen............

[Canadiense]

braggart.:)