BonnieBon
09-16-2002, 07:58 PM
oh my gosh Im such a dweeb.
My friend Kim just called ten minutes ago--
and i talked to her...
She asked how i was doing...
i told her i was doing well.. and I am....
better than i have been doing in months...
i feel like i have my head screwed back into it's place... and let me just say, that was iffy for a while.
okay, to the point--- she called to see how i was, and to let me know there'd be bible study meetings starting at CSUN in a few weeks...and she threw in something about telling my mom I was out studying so I'd be able to come.
See..I've really reconsidered doing that (at all) And without doing that, I am not able to attend anything like church or bible studies.... For now at least, I'm thinking I need to just not go to any of that stuff... I also dont really see myself hanging out with my friends from church and stuff much if i am not going to church... And I havent spoken to them about it, but i dont think they are gonna get it... i really dont.
I couldnt tell Kim what i needed to say. I think it is because she is older-- i feel like whatever i say, she can come back with something because she should know as someone in her mid 20's. I think I'm more likely to find the guts to tell Michelle. UGH. I felt kinda urgent about this the other day, but now i'm more like... whenever i end up scheduling this little talk. im thinking it may not happen till next tuesday. and i established with Kim that im swamped with school-- which i am. i havent even had any plans since school started-- because ive been studying so much. So, no one is gonna expect me to spend the night saturday to come to church, or whatever else they ahve planned.
In all of this confusion, I really am denying myself of remembering how much church means to me. The few times i was able to go over the summer were awesome, and did so much for me, but I think it's time for me to stop treating my family as a trade off.
ugh i shouldve just told them all i was moving away or something.. *sigh* stupid morals getting in the way of everything.:stupid:
My friend Kim just called ten minutes ago--
and i talked to her...
She asked how i was doing...
i told her i was doing well.. and I am....
better than i have been doing in months...
i feel like i have my head screwed back into it's place... and let me just say, that was iffy for a while.
okay, to the point--- she called to see how i was, and to let me know there'd be bible study meetings starting at CSUN in a few weeks...and she threw in something about telling my mom I was out studying so I'd be able to come.
See..I've really reconsidered doing that (at all) And without doing that, I am not able to attend anything like church or bible studies.... For now at least, I'm thinking I need to just not go to any of that stuff... I also dont really see myself hanging out with my friends from church and stuff much if i am not going to church... And I havent spoken to them about it, but i dont think they are gonna get it... i really dont.
I couldnt tell Kim what i needed to say. I think it is because she is older-- i feel like whatever i say, she can come back with something because she should know as someone in her mid 20's. I think I'm more likely to find the guts to tell Michelle. UGH. I felt kinda urgent about this the other day, but now i'm more like... whenever i end up scheduling this little talk. im thinking it may not happen till next tuesday. and i established with Kim that im swamped with school-- which i am. i havent even had any plans since school started-- because ive been studying so much. So, no one is gonna expect me to spend the night saturday to come to church, or whatever else they ahve planned.
In all of this confusion, I really am denying myself of remembering how much church means to me. The few times i was able to go over the summer were awesome, and did so much for me, but I think it's time for me to stop treating my family as a trade off.
ugh i shouldve just told them all i was moving away or something.. *sigh* stupid morals getting in the way of everything.:stupid: