I am sure everyone has heard the saying, "You can't choose your family', I heard this today and it got me thinking. Of all the relationships we have, our family is the one we have no say so in.

Sure we can not claim them, etc, but all in all, when everything is said and done, they are still your family.

Do we as individuals judge ppl by their families? Do we perhaps look at someone else's parents and say.. I wonder if he will turn out the same way..etc?

All I know is that I love my family- even my extended family and even the in-laws.

I know I have no choice in picking who I'm related to, so I figure that's one of those 'destined by God' sort of things, so I shouldn't worry about it overmuch.

IMO, you should judge people as individuals first, but family has to be partially factored into the equation.

In my case for example, I'm not alot like my family... I'm nowhere near as manipulative & two-faced for example. BUT my family & their treatment did have an effect on me. That's where my tempermental side comes from.:(

In my wife Gina's case... She's sadly a near carbon copy of her mother with some of her sister's bad habits thrown in. She's not without her good points, but she has no desire to even try to break free of their influence & grow as a person.

For good or bad, there's also the old saying about you marry the family too. Something to think seriously about when choosing any potential partner.

I agree, you should look at the family you will marry into before taking the plunge. I see in so many instinces though, that the person is NOTHING like their family. There are some children who slip out the web of the parents routines. Should they be held responsible, or better yet will they be?

I am just trying to figure out how much one's family plays in the role of the person.. and their relationships. Am I making any sense here?

Nothing on the surface anyway, which is the point I was trying to make about myself. It takes time for the similarities to really show. But as I was saying, with me although I despise the backbiting, manipulative behavior of my family, the negativity of that environment I grew up in did result in my tempermental, perfectionistic nature.

It's taken me years to get to the point where I am now too. Everybody here probably would have hated the smartouthed little prick I was back in Jr High. :/

People can certainly rise above their origins though. That's why I believe they should be judged as individuals first & foremost. Still, family is often a good secondary indicator.

Originally posted by Princess I am just trying to figure out how much one's family plays in the role of the person.. and their relationships. Am I making any sense here?

Maybe its just me, but I think that is something women are more effected by, maybe because emotions play so heavily into it. I know that whenever my little sister had a new boyfriend we (the 3 older brothers) all had our $.02 to throw at her. She finally got smart and moved away:D

For me personally, I've spent the last 20 years or so 3000 miles away from the nearest family (excluding my ex's). I love them dearly, but they don't fool me one bit.:p If I need a shoulder to cry on I can just pick up the phone.

It's worked for me, but I know alot of people that would be lost without having someone around to help. Sometimes friendships are easier to have around.

I love my family. My dad, both moms, step brothers, half sister, etc. I live 3,500 miles away and that makes it rough. But one thing I do not do. I am not my family, do not allow them to influence me, and I cut the umbilical a long time ago. What they do, they do, and what I do, I do. I do not talk to them enough, write enough, or send enough pictures, and for that I am to blame. I was raised to be independent and I guess I am, too much so as far as they are concerned.
I take a look at people's families to see where they came from. I do not use it as an indicator of who they are though. Some people never break away and that is sad. I know a lot of girls who are still too closely attached and can't break the strings to live their own lives..