soooo.... I've been doing a lot od thinking.. so much in fact that my head is practically throbbing.. but anyways...
I have a question...Some people in relationdships decide that they need to "see other people" (meaning they can stay together but have some outside relationships..) NOW.. I think that is total BULL for romantic relationshios.. but can that work for friends?
Can you stop being exclusive to your group of friends so you can look for something that will fulfill you more? .. this probly sounds ridiculous.. anyways... i was supposed to meet my friend Michelle this week to catch up and talk and stuff, but that fell through..
I had a whole bunch of things I needed to talk to her about, and one of them was that I'm questioning my presence within our group of friends....i really feel like i need to share that with them in one way or another.. but maybe i cant (and shouldnt') If I go ahead and say that, what happens? Am i not friends with them anymore? Do i become the girl who only comes around every now and then? Do I continue to be friends with the,m after they know i need more from my friends?
I dont know how this all works.. or how i wil have that conversation.
But i know one thing: I'm SO scared of losing them... And like 'I've said before i love and care about each and every one of them, but it's not even so much "THEM" that I'm afraid of losing.. I'm afraid of being the girl without a group again.. I mean, If i dont have them, I dont have friends (with the exception of my bravo friends, most of whom are spread out from Oklahoma to Vista to Pittsburgh to Chino to Yorba Linda to God know's where... and i really only see them once a year at the most....)
And my high school friends (the ones I'm still in touch with.. and i've really lost touch with most of them the past 8 or 9 months.. and tho im sure we'll get back in touch, I'm not gonna be hangin out with them every weekend)

I dont know... But if I completely drop my friends.. I have no one.. even though I dont feel like they've given me what i needed in terms of friendship this year, i still have friends that i can say "oh, maybe I'll see my friends this weekend.." or "one of my friends has a birthday coming up and we're throwing her a party..."

*sigh*

That's a hard question. I have had so many changes in my life, I have no old friends that I see regularly.

Most friendships that last are the ones I have seen stay somewhat distant, but willing to do anything at a moments notice for each other. People do still remain friends for life times without having to see each other each weekend.

Once you have a steady boyfriend, doesn't your circle of friends change then, too? You are still friends with those girls, you do not see them as much, but you are still friends?

Dont be afraid of new friends. If they steal you away from the old ones, it only shows you how much you really didnt have in common with them anymore.;)

oh jeez.. I havent even worried about the steady boyfriend idea, but now that you mention it, i guess that would change the social situation quite a bit... well.. ideally, when i do have a steady boyfriend, it will be one that i can be alone with most of the time, but also one that i could hang out with along with other friends.. or somethin like that.. i dunno..

i'm definitely not afraid of making new friends though, that'd be perfect.. I do want to stay in touhc with my current group of friends to some degree-- but i have no doubt that i need a different group... I just dont have one.. I feel likeit sounds like I would be using my friends if i hung out with them right now, because i feel like i only want them (at least as a regular social group) until i find something better-- hmm.. does it sound like that? I hope it doesnt. Then again, even if it did, I havent been hanging out with them much anyways. .actually i havent seen them since July-- yeah.. shows how close i am with them, huh? Well.. last year i saw them at least once a week, and usually twice or more times.. but yeah, i saw them just a few times in july and now its been 6 to 8 weeks since i've seen them, and to be totally frank, i have to say that i miss a few of them specifically, but i'm okay with not being around them... tho i do feel a big loss of not being with a group of people who are my "group of friends"
*sigh* I needs ta find me some new friends... And i havent even met any people at school yet.. i mean, a couple conversations here and there in class, but nothing i'd count as even meeting someone...

It sounds more like you are growing personnaly, you are experiencing more things, and drawing your own conclusions, and realizing you want more than your present experience allows.

That is life I guess. Many times, as I had more classes in some subject, the old conversations with old friends didnt mean the same because I learned new things.

When I got home from the service to stay, I felt like a square wheel in a triangular hole, only the outermost edges touhed the sides, the rest wasnt making contact with the edges anymore at all!

While they all grew up, I grew up in a different way, they while at home, me while in the Marines, and I lled an exciting life, while the just drank and partied and went to work.(Wait, that's what we did, only we did it overseas)

But I think you get the idea. As you get older, you just have a larger idea of what you dont know, a larger idea of a need to fulfill understanding that the old tried and true doesnt fulfill anymore. Those who are happy staying whewre they are at never get anwhere, those who move on to experience more, go places. It does not mean you cant go home and see frinds again, it just means you are growing up, you dont all have the same things in common anymore.

Originally posted by Banky
It sounds more like you are growing personnaly, you are experiencing more things, and drawing your own conclusions, and realizing you want more than your present experience allows.

That is life I guess. Many times, as I had more classes in some subject, the old conversations with old friends didnt mean the same because I learned new things.

When I got home from the service to stay, I felt like a square wheel in a triangular hole, only the outermost edges touhed the sides, the rest wasnt making contact with the edges anymore at all!

While they all grew up, I grew up in a different way, they while at home, me while in the Marines, and I lled an exciting life, while the just drank and partied and went to work.(Wait, that's what we did, only we did it overseas)

But I think you get the idea. As you get older, you just have a larger idea of what you dont know, a larger idea of a need to fulfill understanding that the old tried and true doesnt fulfill anymore. Those who are happy staying whewre they are at never get anwhere, those who move on to experience more, go places. It does not mean you cant go home and see frinds again, it just means you are growing up, you dont all have the same things in common anymore.


oo I really like that square wheel in a triangular hole analogy--
but its also way too close to home..

come to think of it, I've had that problem a lot.. but mostly it was when i was in my early teens and ended up having to deal with a few things that other kids my age weren't dealing with...at least not any of the people i knew...
i had really thought i was past that (for the most part)
its something i experience a little every year after i come home from Bravo.. it always proves to change my life in some significant way that no one can really grasp (especially people who werent at Bravo with me)
But as for feeling it in my group of friends.. yeah.. i guess you kinda hit the nail on the head. Except I dont think this is something that just happened (though it took me a while to realize it.) But i think i was the square wheel all along , and i wanted to fit in the triangular space so much i squeezed in as long as i could...

That could be it, just growing up! Your personality is you, and the fgroup personality is not you. It is fine to have friends in a group, but a person should define themselves as themself, not a group....(Wait, I still call myself a Former Marine...)

:D

Kind of funny, to no longer be a part of a group, and yet, you will always be a part of a group.

So, It just sounds like you ar growing up. When you and your girlfriends get married, you will see the similar interests come back because of common experiences, common problems, etc...

(And the last one in the group to get married will be the loneliest person on the planet! Unless she learns to skydive or something...:) ;)

As we grow we find that the group we hang with sometimes doesn't fit our needs in ways we sometimes can't pinpoint. My friends and I have always had fun together, and one thing we have always held dear between us is the ability to not have to always be together to remain friends. We have different groups that we spend time with, and it makes it much more fun when we do get together because we have different experiences to share and things to talk about. If your friends now, do not understand your need to expand your circle then they are not being fair to you.

why cant we expand the amount of friends that we see? I mean, as long as the ones that really matter know that they come to you when they need you, then why should it matter if you see new people as well?

I'd definitely say it's the best way to grow,and the best way to open yourself up to new ideas and experiences.

(and this goes for a relationship too, it doesnt have to mean that the present freindship isnt enough per se, but just that as you grow your experiences need to grow too,and maybe you need to expand your surrounding to expand your experiences.)

Originally posted by TryckPony
As we grow we find that the group we hang with sometimes doesn't fit our needs in ways we sometimes can't pinpoint.

i think the fact that i totally CAN pinpoint it makes it that much worse and much more frightening for me.
i just got a newcell phone a week ago-- gave the number to one of my friends who i knew would get it out to a few others...
it was programmed wrong and i couldnt check my messages till today-- two were from these "friends"....
i think my thoughts are "I miss them...but.." If there is a but there, then that needs to be a sign to me that things arent quite there..
im gonna wait a few days to get back to them...except i really want to ask one of them why someone fromthe group cut herself off from everyone...

Originally posted by BonnieBon
im gonna wait a few days to get back to them...except i really want to ask one of them why someone fromthe group cut herself off from everyone...

why wait to ask a question like that... doesnt wait show you distancing yourself as well? --and you are making it seem like this distancing is a bad thing.