Jealousy, what a useless emotion. I was having a conversation the other night with a female freind and she stated that she is often ruled by jealousy in her relationships. She also stated that this emotion does you no good, so when she feels jealous about something she tends to focus on other things to help her overcome this emotion.

In my 26 yearls of life, I have had 1 relationship that lasted longer than three months. In almost all my relationships, this nasty emotion called jealousy is usually the means to the end. I always tend to question why a person would want to be with me, what it is that they see in me, what attracts them towards me. I dont come straight out and ask them, I usually silently contemplate these things to myself, and it usually ends up destroying the relationship. On top of the fact that I really dont feel as though I could trust someone enough to let them get close to me. I know that eventually, that trust will be broken and my life will feel like a downward spiral, and I will be depressed and angry while wallowing in self pitty.

I am at the beginning of a relationship and dont want this one to turn out like all the other ones I have had.

I really dont know what the hell am I hoping to get out of this. If anyone has ever felt like I do, and you have improved yourself dealing with trust issues and jealousy....please help. :(

You're essentially saying that you understand that jealousy is useless, you have realized that jealousy destroys your relationships, you're afraid of trusting people, and then you say you don't want this new relationship to turn out like the rest, yet you're probably unwilling to stop being jealous. What do you think is going to happen if you don't change?

Jealousy has its roots in fear. And as long as you view your significant other as "yours," you're gonna be jealous no matter what. It will arise when you fear losing the other person.

In my opinion, jealousy is a normal human emotion that does actually have a purpose. It's usefull in some contexts. In tiny amounts it can be a good thing, it can show the other person you care and maybe lead to useful conversation. On the flip side if you're constantly jealous, well, it will lead to all kinds of bad ****.

Start believing that your a great person. Do it. Recognize that the other person sees something admirable and great in you, so therefore you've got to have some attractive qualities, right? Just trust your significant other. Just do it. Don't worry about waiting until they "earn" your trust or such nonsense, just let go and trust them. Trust them until they give you a reason not to. It's easy, because it's natural.

I beleive in jealousy, i know what it feels like.. and strangely enough my boyfriend doesnt feel it at all. It's like he knows how useless an emotion it is, and just by will or something, he can make it not happen.
(it always seemed odd to me that one can be possessive, but not jealous.)

-i used to be so jealous in my relationship. Especially in the beginning, because after going out for 6 months he went off to college, and was just partying, and all his friends were girls, and i just couldnt see how I would still be necessary. But, i still trusted him, and eventually i understood that he loved me, i was still necessary, and i finally understood that he wouldnt do something like cheat on me. ---But it took a long while.
I think even in our sophomore year of college i was StILL dealing with the occassional twinge of jealousy.

-but all along i trusted him, and he's very patient, and reassuring, and now it's a non-issue.

What do I think will happen if I dont change?

I know I will never have a productive and lasting relationship that may be very meaning and fulfilling for me, which is a scary thought. I know there is plenty of room for self improvement, but how does one go about improving those qualities that they do not like about themselves?

dude, people can grow. It takes some conscience effort, patience, help, and LUCK. :D

Jealousy, or at least extreme cases of, are derived from low self esteem. You don't need to feel less jealous, you need to be able to accept yourself more.

I say this based on your questioning why someone would want to be with you, what they see in you, etc.,

I think one aspect you need to look at is the fact that you NEED to venture possible hurt to have a good relationship. You need to take risks in order to get the good thing going.

You need to trust, put your heart on the line if you want to be close with people. And yes, there is a distinct possability that you will end up getting hurt.

Originally posted by Manu
You need to trust, put your heart on the line if you want to be close with people. And yes, there is a distinct possability that you will end up getting hurt.

i second that. to get past this you just have to start trusting the person you're with and let yourself be open. taking the risk is scary and you might get hurt, but it's worth it. besides getting hurt in a relationship isnt the end of the world, life goes on.

Originally posted by CharPots


i second that. to get past this you just have to start trusting the person you're with and let yourself be open. taking the risk is scary and you might get hurt, but it's worth it. besides getting hurt in a relationship isnt the end of the world, life goes on.

I will third it, Just this summer I finally opened up to someone, things hasn't went exactly as planned, but I don't regret letting myself feel the things I have.

Jealousy can come in different forms in a relationship. Some has to do with trust, some has to do with your own self confidence. To me, it always seems to boil down to a value..either of myself or that of the other person.

So, the first thing you need is confidence in yourself to re-affirm your own value. Then you need to have trust in the other person and respect for their values. To me its hard to be jealous of a person if I uderstand their values, even though I may not agree with them.

And if you call her at 7AM and she's not home.....oh well.