BonnieBon
08-12-2002, 03:34 AM
I'm going to look back at the last year as well... as a bad one...
And that's kinda sad because a lot of important stuff happened this year, like..a lot of things became clear..
But anyways....I've been fighting a majorly uphill battle that was mostly in terms of my family and trying to fully come ot terms with some stuff I've been trying to fully come to terms with for most of my teenage life. If you've read any of my journal entries lately, you'll note that the battle hasn't gone so well lately...
Now it's August... Mid August....jeez, how did that happen? I swear, June 3, the beginning of my summer was like... yesterday. But I've decided that it's a good thing this summer is ending, because I am calling the Fall my fresh start. I am starting over with school, and I'm going to do my best to start over with a lot of other things, even if that's just what I tell myself I'm doing.
I feel like everything fell apart this year... but it's time to put everything back together...and while I'm at it, I may as well put it back together neater than it was before...
For now, I can take control of 1.My Weight... I lost close to 60 pounds between high school and freshman year of college.. and I've gained back close to 20... product of a lot of things...mostly stress... I will lose back the 20 pounds and another hm.... I'm thinkin I'll work on 15-30 more than that... With my height, I couldn't be lighter than that... For now, my plan is to go on a workout binge....nothing unhealthy, but I want to just get in the routine of doing something everyday-- (with an occasional 1 day rest for the sake of not breaking anything...) I did a dance workout video today.... so FUN! I'm going to work on variety...ts hard to do a workout plan more than a few months..because it gets tedious, but if I get enough variety, I think it will keep it going better... I'm not gonna worry too much about food right now-- just being sensible.. and when I work out I am very conscious of portions and whatnot-- because I'll think to myself, I dont want to eat something bad, I just worked out!
okay.2. school/ work.... I'm taking 15 units... and I'm taking some classes I'm looking forward too... and as for work, I am babysitting at least 2 nights a week... it's about all i have time for, and I'm looking forward to that.. Hopefully I'll get to do 3 nights a week (that's help keep money in my pocket-- or at least gas in my car!)
3. Keeping Causes of Stress under control...
What has killed me the last year: anyone who has followed my journal or things I've mentioned a lot knows about my little spiritual battle at home...It is not getting brought up for now.. that is just not gonna happen... My plan for now on that is *go to bible studies at UCLA--or CSUN when they start those.... that sounds like a pretty normal plan... then the part that I can't see myself explaining to my church-going friends *plan on not attending church for a while ....it's the only way I see that I can establish any kind of normalcy in my life..
I can try to handle the stretch of truth once a week --telling the rent's "I'm going out to study.. or out with friends" and really going to a bible study.... Church is a little harder to sneak off too...I can't go into that right now.. maybe later... maybe not..
All I can say right now is, I think it's better for me to just say "Hey, I can't go... and its not in anyone's best interest for me to put so much energy in lying and being able ot go once every 6 weeks or so..." Thats just what I'm thinking.. maybe I'm wrong..it's happened once or twice before...Anyone have a take on this? (Not me being wrong once or twice.. on the church thing.... :)) Okay.. so I dont know how I will get that across to people, but maybe part of it will be trying to show them what had happened to my life this year *immune system not working the way it should for a 19 year old girl-- I got sick a whole bunch of times and getting better was always an ordeal.. coincidence or really bad flu? I think not.. would have been better twice as fast if I wasnt going crazy with stress... *gaining back all that weight from stress-- and I will NOT do that again...rest assured... *grades slipping *feeling guilty about lying to parents all the time *... I could go on... again, maybe later, maybe not...
well that is all for the moment, I need some beauty sleep and If I'm late for work, I will be so majorly roasted...
Hopefully I will continue soon with more constructive things to say.... even if I dont feel like it.. .which well.. I wont even go into that... BUT i am reading an uber good book. Any Oprah fans? I love her -- and Dr.Phil rocks... so 'm reading self-matters--- hence the big wave of self-interest (not over-interest-- but more like initiative... I may not be 45 years old like most people who read and go through that book, but I need to have some kind of self-changing experience right now...especially after how i feel like my 19th year slipped away from me... 20 will be better...
And that's kinda sad because a lot of important stuff happened this year, like..a lot of things became clear..
But anyways....I've been fighting a majorly uphill battle that was mostly in terms of my family and trying to fully come ot terms with some stuff I've been trying to fully come to terms with for most of my teenage life. If you've read any of my journal entries lately, you'll note that the battle hasn't gone so well lately...
Now it's August... Mid August....jeez, how did that happen? I swear, June 3, the beginning of my summer was like... yesterday. But I've decided that it's a good thing this summer is ending, because I am calling the Fall my fresh start. I am starting over with school, and I'm going to do my best to start over with a lot of other things, even if that's just what I tell myself I'm doing.
I feel like everything fell apart this year... but it's time to put everything back together...and while I'm at it, I may as well put it back together neater than it was before...
For now, I can take control of 1.My Weight... I lost close to 60 pounds between high school and freshman year of college.. and I've gained back close to 20... product of a lot of things...mostly stress... I will lose back the 20 pounds and another hm.... I'm thinkin I'll work on 15-30 more than that... With my height, I couldn't be lighter than that... For now, my plan is to go on a workout binge....nothing unhealthy, but I want to just get in the routine of doing something everyday-- (with an occasional 1 day rest for the sake of not breaking anything...) I did a dance workout video today.... so FUN! I'm going to work on variety...ts hard to do a workout plan more than a few months..because it gets tedious, but if I get enough variety, I think it will keep it going better... I'm not gonna worry too much about food right now-- just being sensible.. and when I work out I am very conscious of portions and whatnot-- because I'll think to myself, I dont want to eat something bad, I just worked out!
okay.2. school/ work.... I'm taking 15 units... and I'm taking some classes I'm looking forward too... and as for work, I am babysitting at least 2 nights a week... it's about all i have time for, and I'm looking forward to that.. Hopefully I'll get to do 3 nights a week (that's help keep money in my pocket-- or at least gas in my car!)
3. Keeping Causes of Stress under control...
What has killed me the last year: anyone who has followed my journal or things I've mentioned a lot knows about my little spiritual battle at home...It is not getting brought up for now.. that is just not gonna happen... My plan for now on that is *go to bible studies at UCLA--or CSUN when they start those.... that sounds like a pretty normal plan... then the part that I can't see myself explaining to my church-going friends *plan on not attending church for a while ....it's the only way I see that I can establish any kind of normalcy in my life..
I can try to handle the stretch of truth once a week --telling the rent's "I'm going out to study.. or out with friends" and really going to a bible study.... Church is a little harder to sneak off too...I can't go into that right now.. maybe later... maybe not..
All I can say right now is, I think it's better for me to just say "Hey, I can't go... and its not in anyone's best interest for me to put so much energy in lying and being able ot go once every 6 weeks or so..." Thats just what I'm thinking.. maybe I'm wrong..it's happened once or twice before...Anyone have a take on this? (Not me being wrong once or twice.. on the church thing.... :)) Okay.. so I dont know how I will get that across to people, but maybe part of it will be trying to show them what had happened to my life this year *immune system not working the way it should for a 19 year old girl-- I got sick a whole bunch of times and getting better was always an ordeal.. coincidence or really bad flu? I think not.. would have been better twice as fast if I wasnt going crazy with stress... *gaining back all that weight from stress-- and I will NOT do that again...rest assured... *grades slipping *feeling guilty about lying to parents all the time *... I could go on... again, maybe later, maybe not...
well that is all for the moment, I need some beauty sleep and If I'm late for work, I will be so majorly roasted...
Hopefully I will continue soon with more constructive things to say.... even if I dont feel like it.. .which well.. I wont even go into that... BUT i am reading an uber good book. Any Oprah fans? I love her -- and Dr.Phil rocks... so 'm reading self-matters--- hence the big wave of self-interest (not over-interest-- but more like initiative... I may not be 45 years old like most people who read and go through that book, but I need to have some kind of self-changing experience right now...especially after how i feel like my 19th year slipped away from me... 20 will be better...