I used to dream of having the kind of friends that I have now...
i mean...i thought i could only dream of it...
i always thought i'd end up with a group where i was like the designated driver since i didnt ant to drink and I figured they would...and a group where everyone else was sleeping around.
and..doing other stuff i didnt want to do...

my friends are really great in those aspects-- none of them drinks or does drugs.. none of them are sleeping around... they dont even date in a casual way...there is no mate swapping like a lot of college kids do...

i really like those things about the group... and i like them. I really do. And they like me... but im beginning to think that is not enough. I mean, I guess im not feeling that friendship chemistry that makes you want to hang around people. I know I've had a lot of times where i couldnt go to stuff because of my parents and all that came along with that.. but i have spent a little time with them and i still dont feel that close with most of them and the even the ones i feel like im good friends with...i barely know them... they really barely know me...

i just dont know if the fact that they are almost everything i want in a group of friends is enough for me to feel like they are my group of friends...

i dont know how im gonna figure this one out.. I mean, even if i decide that i dont want this to be my "group" i dont know where to go from there...or how to explain this to any of them.. Yeah i think that may be a bigger thing.. I dont even know how to explain what im dealing with at home to them