I've noticed, that for most guys, if you say the word marriage their balls shrink out of fear. Why, when the woman is ready to start picking out dresses, is the guy ready to have a heart attack?
Is it the women going into it too easily? Or are the men housing unwarranted fears? (and I'm not talking about my situation)

every guy i know who is married is pretty unhappy about it.

the woman stops putting out, she gets bigger and fatter, and since the bank accounts are usually joined, she puts a hold on his spending while continuing her spending on clothes and the like.
men are also sucky during this time, of course. they get fatter and let themselves go, but ultimately, i don't think marriage is really desirable to either party by that time.
once you get married, you stop caring about appearance so you totally let yourself go, you feel you have some kind of "control" over your partner so you begin dictating their actions, and all the married guys i know, their wives keep ttheir balls in a little jar near her bed stand. they're sorry.

no marriage for me, no thanks. other than religious connotations, there's nothing that marriage offers that doesn't exist in a live-together relationship except the ring, a piece of paper, and jesus' approval. but the benefits of a live-in relationship are that if one person starts letting him/herself go, and won't change that, the other can leave. marriage really kind of shuts the door to ending a relationship over differences, unless it's adultery or you're a movie star.

mrwr0ng, you must know a buncha dumb married guys. :)

jillian, it depends on the person. I know there are far more women than men that have the whole day planned down to the most insignificant detail, but the rest of us (sane! :p) women are starting to be part of the nervous crowd. I was nervously ill the weeks before the big day. It is such a huge step in life. My husband was cool and calm. I kept asking him "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU!?!" "THIS IS THE REST OF OUR LIVES, BE NERVOUS!!" It had nothing to do with religious connotations or a piece of paper. It was just a very neat promise you made to a very special person in front of family and close friends.

Some people get nervous because it's forever and it's huge... some people get nervous because they're not sure... and people like my husband always know what they want, they're sure and they just wait for the day.

i dont think it's a guy thing... i am scared of getting married too.
i even fear that it will be time for me to make a decision and i STILL wont be ready.

This is interesting timing for this thread; one of my best friends got married just yesterday.

For along time I always said I would never get married, that its just a piece of paper, but my views on that are starting to change. Maybe its just because weddings are in the air, and it'll all pass like a seasonal allergy or something. I think i agree with Buggy, that its a special promise and all that.

jillian-
I don't think it's a guy/ girl thing. i think "cold feet" in a marriage-potential scenario stems more from a feeling or belief that one is not ready for that comittment.

I've known women, as well as men, who freak out at the mere mention of the word "marriage".

mrWrOng-
I feel for your friends. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones. :D

Here's what the survey says:

- One partener for life (YIKES!!!)

- Both people tend to "Let themselves go".

- Loss of freedom.

- No more "me time".

- Can't masturbate in bed anymore when you can't sleep:(

- Nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, nag, b!tch, moan complain... etc.

- Most married people I've spoken with are not happy.

- Being tied down... (if you really love someone, why do you need a piece of paper??? Why even move in together??? If it's meant to be they'll always be there).

- COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! COMMUNITY PROPERTY!!! (No "takey" MY $$$ bee-otch!!!)

- Alimony, alimony, alimony, alimony, alimony, alimony... and---

- Child support (if applicable).


Hope this sheds some insight.:D

lowtide hit the nail on the head. none of that for me, thanks.
i don't see the point in marriage. it means nothing to me, it just gives the family coverage by the HMO. big woop.

most guys i know who are married are unhappy with it, but of course don't do anything about it, because their wife keeps their balls in a little jar by the bedstand. so they come in to work and beat their chest and try to reclaim their machismo, and go home and "yes dear' all night long til they go to sleep and do it all again the next day.

no thanks.

I almost forgot:

"A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle"= Gloria Steinem

We're not going to be your boy-toys while you go off and make more money than us!!!

J/K

Once upon a time women used to really get screwed when they got married- no right to vote, their property became their husbands, if they divorced they'd be ostrasized and shunned (no irreconcilable differences... has to sue for divorce for adultry...etc).


Now, if you're the man-- the woman gets 1/2 of your stuff... most likely the kids, sometimes alimony+child support... YIKES!!!

And most women work now!!! I would also contend that it's easier for a woman to get a date than it is for a man (especially after a divorce).

Things have just gone too far-- marriage isn't worth it for the man anymore-- at least not in a community property state. So when a woman pops the question, essentially what she is asking for is... yes indeed...

... his balls.

So, do you guys know any, uh... adults that are married? Not a buncha young immature people lacking in self esteem?

Originally posted by buggy
So, do you guys know any, uh... adults that are married? Not a buncha young immature people lacking in self esteem?

Grandma, Grandpa, Dad and his 3rd wife... and my other grandparents.

None are happy.

Originally posted by Lowtide


Grandma, Grandpa, Dad and his 3rd wife... and my other grandparents.

None are happy.

Strange. My parents are pretty okay with each other. They go on vacations often. They also work together... and they've manged close to 30 years of marriage. They actually LOVE each other. Odd stuff. I guess my outlook could stem from the fact I've seen two mature and loving adults grow together... not a bunch of bitter people with six ex-wives?

Most married people that I know are just fine.

Has anyone considered that this may be a result of your culture? From what I've gathered the 'self' is the utmost priority in the american society. It definitely invites all kinds of marital problems with an attitude like that.

I'm a 30 year old happily married man. Life is pretty frickin' good right now.

Lowtide/MrWrong, if all the married men you know are unhappy, I'm guessing they are just unhappy people, whether single or married. Marriage is probably just another excuse for them to be miserable. You choose to be either happy or unhappy. It's a shame they wasted their marriages in misery. Personally, my wife is my best friend, and I wouldn't have it any other way.

Very happy married dude here.


Any happier and they'd check me for illegal substances (like chocolate)

Well im 23, single, and very ready to be married.. I see alot of my friends that are married and VERY happy so I figure its got to be a good thing. I know how unhappy I am when single ( and I've been unhappy for way to long now ) but I am always happier when I have someone to share things with. Sure the wife will get most of my stuff. But my guess is she wouldnt want any of it anyway and it would get thrown out anyways sometime.. .Marriage is a give and take, unfortunatly most of the time the man is the only one giving and the woman is the only one takin, sounds sterotypical but its the truth.

I dont know any statistics or facts or any of that junk, I only know what I see. It is 100 % easier for a woman to get a date than it is a man.. True, every woman says I dont need a man, and you dont.. thats great.. Im proud for you.. I on the other hand need a woman. I dont think its an issue of selfishness, I just feel a void that a woman can fill. For some reason women dont have this void ( Most of the time ) I have no problem with giving to a woman in a relationship, I just expect some comprimise. I will not totally change my life to suffice a womans needs. I will not give up my race car. The amount of my racing is Negotiable ( see comprimise ) Thats the key I think. I dont expect for my lady to give up her shoe fetish ( you all have some type of vice like this, just as a I do my racing ).

Commitment is a great thing. I am committed to my job, my truck payment. etc. etc., I see no r eason to be committed to a woman. If a man is in a relationship and he thinks his balls are in the jar next to the bed...GET OUT. But ladies dont expect to control our lives just because you think you can. Im sorry it jsut doesnt work that way. Not with me anyways..But we all know, whenever that rent check comes due... you can stamp pussy on that envelope...

Brad

It was just a very neat promise you made to a very special person in front of family and close friends.

That right there is the point. Marriage on one hand is 'just a piece of paper' but on the other hand, it is me saying, that I love you so much, reagrdless of physical state or finances or etc...

In terms of the original questions, I think it is just another one of those stigmas, which for the most party are not gender biased, but just is perceived as such.

Still though, there can be made a case for fears...I mean, in our society, during a divorce, men are oftentimes penalized heavily, especially when it comes to children...

Ok, here is a 100% honest answer from me.

First off, I dont fear marriage. How can I fear something I can say No to? But, I would not get married, because its not part of my belief system. But even if I was christian, I dont think I would go for it. There is much benifit for the woman, and little to none for the man. Unless he wants a commited relationship with one person, which I do not.

Originally posted by tam From what I've gathered the 'self' is the utmost priority in the american society.

I think that does have alot to do with it nowadays for some people. My own marraige and most of my friends that have broken up over the years all had one partner who eventually placed themselves above their marraige vows. Kinda sad, but hey, a car accident or poisoning is probably worse.

I had alot of happy years during my marraige. Would I do it again? Maybe. I think it has to be a decision you want to make together..but yeah, I'd run pretty fast if it became a topic with someone before I was comforatble with her.:D

Tam pretty much hit the nail on the head. "Self" has become the priority in our society. That is a major flaw with our society.

I have been married before and am scared to friggin' death to do it again. The fear of commitment comes from past experiences.

I also feel that marriage is to easy to get out of any more and most people aren't Fully committed going into it.

Even though I am probably contradicting myself, it all has to do with finding the right person. I am probably with the right one now but I am still afraid.

As far as living together goes, most states have common law rulings. If you live with someone instead of marrying simply out of fear of losing "stuff", the stuff can still be lost.

And that is my humble, rambling opinion

Originally posted by buggy
So, do you guys know any, uh... adults that are married? Not a buncha young immature people lacking in self esteem?

Yeah -- I know a bunch -- and they're all really happy.

I think younger people want to pretend that all married couples are miserable so they can justify their own fears of committment. However, the married couples I know (both young and old) would be miserable without their respective partners.

Relationships grow and change -- what is incredibly important to a couple during the first two months they're together becomes less important after they've been with each other for years. That doesn't mean things are worse -- they're just different. Maybe on the outside it appears that people "let themselves go", but what about the idea that you don't have to stress out about going to the gym every day or making sure you look hot 24/7 because your husband or wife loves you the way you are? I think it's incredibly romantic to think that your partner loves you for who you are more than what you look like.

And think about always having a partner to stand by you and support you. How great would that be? Sure, marriage means that you can't get on every hottie that you see walking down the street anymore, but how many single people actually do that anyway? And is that freedom more important than the give and take of a best friend/partner/steady lover?

I also know several married people who say the sex got better not worse after they tied the knot...

So maybe the thought of marrying the wrong person is enough to make anyone cringe -- but I think marrying the right person would be wonderful.

Originally posted by Allegra
I think younger people want to pretend that all married couples are miserable so they can justify their own fears of committment. However, the married couples I know (both young and old) would be miserable without their respective partners.
Interesting perspective, Allegra.

I've never thought of it that way before.

Well, I stand by what I've said... I notice you ladies seem to have a different perspective... no doubt because your girlfriends have told you their perspective of the marriage, I hear the male perspective-- which is that it's not fun.

I'm a gear head, I know, uhm... one or two women? :) All my fellow Mustang enthusiasts are hitched and I don't think I've ever heard them say they're miserable. Then again, they all have pretty cool dames for wives. They come out and watch the races... they don't wrench or anything, but they're supportive of the whole hobby thing.

Maybe its due to the fact that some of us have tried the marriage thing before. I did it and I can say I'm definately not the marrying kind!

I would also say that there are a lot of men who want to be married but women seem to be really scared of guys like that. Its like "if a guy wants a wife so badly there must be something wrong with him".

Originally posted by Allegra
I think younger people want to pretend that all married couples are miserable so they can justify their own fears of committment.

There is a 50% divorce rate...I dont think us younger people are pulling the idea out of our butt.

Originally posted by ChaoticThoughts


There is a 50% divorce rate...I dont think us younger people are pulling the idea out of our butt.

Sure, but you can choose to look at that in a "glass is half full" way as opposed to a "half empty" way.

I also believe that we each have control of our own destinies. If you don't want to get divorced, don't. Don't marry the wrong person for the wrong reasons. Maybe it's simplistic, but I attribute success to positive thinking.

And btw, I consider myself one of the "young people" that I was referring to. I didn't mean to point fingers.