Redfield
07-24-2002, 07:43 PM
Why Men Don't Hear Wedding Bells
Tue Jul 23,11:49 PM ET
By Jennifer Thomas
HealthScoutNews Reporter
TUESDAY, July 23 (HealthScoutNews) -- If you're a woman waiting for your live-in boyfriend to pop the question, moving out might be smarter than leaving pictures of engagement rings on the coffee table.
New research that's sure to anger some women has found that men's top reason for avoiding the altar is that they can get sex without marriage easier than in times past.
The second most common reason?
They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitation rather than marriage.
"Cohabitation contributes to men's delay of marriage," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-author of the study and co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.
Whitehead -- who happens to be the mother of two, single 30-something women -- and her colleague David Popenoe undertook the study because of a common lament among women: Men don't seem to be interested in getting hitched these days.
"The whole debate about commitment-phobic men has reached a high point in the popular cultures," Whitehead says. "It's talked about in books and movies. It's an ongoing conversation piece among a lot of young women today. We decided no one had really asked the men to see if there was anything to it."
The researchers divided 60 unmarried, heterosexual men aged 25 to 33 from four cities across the United States into eight focus groups. The men were asked to discuss their attitudes about such topics as sex, dating, meeting women, living together and social pressures to marry and divorce.
The most often reason cited for delaying marriage was men's ease in getting sex. Next was enjoying the benefits of marriage by living together.
The other eight most commonly cited reasons men gave for dodging matrimony were:
1 They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks
2 They want to wait until they are older to have children
3 They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises
4 They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared
5 They face few social pressures to marry
6 They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children
7 They want to own a house before they get a wife
8 They want to enjoy single life as long as they can
None of the men in the focus groups expressed a burning desire for children, Whitehead adds. Most saw children as a remote life goal, and a responsibility they weren't ready to deal with yet.
"If this trend of men waiting to marry continues, it is likely to clash with the timing of marriage and childbearing for the many young women who hope to marry and bear children before they begin to face problems associated with declining fertility," Popenoe says.
Indeed, the medium age of marriage has been rising for both men and women. In 1960, it was about 23 years for men and 20 for women. In 2000, it was about 27 for men and 25 for women, according to recent U.S, Census figures.
For college-educated men and women, Whitehead believes it is later still.
She says she was especially surprised at reasons men gave for their fear of divorce. They didn't talk about the emotional havoc it can wreak, but about the money troubles it could cause. Specifically, they worried an ex-wife could clean them out financially.
"Men have a fear of divorce because it will really hit them in the pocketbook," Whitehead says. "This concern contributes to their preference for cohabitation because they want to protect their assets. They figure, why in the world would you marry if you have the same deal by living with someone without the risk of losing your money?"
However, Dorian Solot, executive director of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, says she believes the study is misleading and too hard on men.
"In every public-opinion poll we're aware of and our own research, women are the ones really questioning marriage and men are the ones more interested in getting married," says Solot, who runs the organization with her live-in boyfriend in Boston.
Among the surveys she cites to bolster her view:
A 1996 Gallup poll found that 39 percent of unmarried men would prefer to be married, compared to 29 percent of unmarried women.
A survey of high schoolers from 1996 to 2000 found 38 percent of senior boys believed marriage leads to a fuller and happier life, compared to 29 percent of senior girls.
"If there is one gender more commitment-phobic than the other, it's probably women," Solot says.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=97&u=/hsn/20020724/hl_hsn/why_men_don_t_hear_wedding_bells&printer=1
Tue Jul 23,11:49 PM ET
By Jennifer Thomas
HealthScoutNews Reporter
TUESDAY, July 23 (HealthScoutNews) -- If you're a woman waiting for your live-in boyfriend to pop the question, moving out might be smarter than leaving pictures of engagement rings on the coffee table.
New research that's sure to anger some women has found that men's top reason for avoiding the altar is that they can get sex without marriage easier than in times past.
The second most common reason?
They can enjoy the benefits of having a wife by cohabitation rather than marriage.
"Cohabitation contributes to men's delay of marriage," says Barbara Dafoe Whitehead, co-author of the study and co-director of the National Marriage Project at Rutgers University.
Whitehead -- who happens to be the mother of two, single 30-something women -- and her colleague David Popenoe undertook the study because of a common lament among women: Men don't seem to be interested in getting hitched these days.
"The whole debate about commitment-phobic men has reached a high point in the popular cultures," Whitehead says. "It's talked about in books and movies. It's an ongoing conversation piece among a lot of young women today. We decided no one had really asked the men to see if there was anything to it."
The researchers divided 60 unmarried, heterosexual men aged 25 to 33 from four cities across the United States into eight focus groups. The men were asked to discuss their attitudes about such topics as sex, dating, meeting women, living together and social pressures to marry and divorce.
The most often reason cited for delaying marriage was men's ease in getting sex. Next was enjoying the benefits of marriage by living together.
The other eight most commonly cited reasons men gave for dodging matrimony were:
1 They want to avoid divorce and its financial risks
2 They want to wait until they are older to have children
3 They fear that marriage will require too many changes and compromises
4 They are waiting for the perfect soul mate and she hasn't yet appeared
5 They face few social pressures to marry
6 They are reluctant to marry a woman who already has children
7 They want to own a house before they get a wife
8 They want to enjoy single life as long as they can
None of the men in the focus groups expressed a burning desire for children, Whitehead adds. Most saw children as a remote life goal, and a responsibility they weren't ready to deal with yet.
"If this trend of men waiting to marry continues, it is likely to clash with the timing of marriage and childbearing for the many young women who hope to marry and bear children before they begin to face problems associated with declining fertility," Popenoe says.
Indeed, the medium age of marriage has been rising for both men and women. In 1960, it was about 23 years for men and 20 for women. In 2000, it was about 27 for men and 25 for women, according to recent U.S, Census figures.
For college-educated men and women, Whitehead believes it is later still.
She says she was especially surprised at reasons men gave for their fear of divorce. They didn't talk about the emotional havoc it can wreak, but about the money troubles it could cause. Specifically, they worried an ex-wife could clean them out financially.
"Men have a fear of divorce because it will really hit them in the pocketbook," Whitehead says. "This concern contributes to their preference for cohabitation because they want to protect their assets. They figure, why in the world would you marry if you have the same deal by living with someone without the risk of losing your money?"
However, Dorian Solot, executive director of the Alternatives to Marriage Project, says she believes the study is misleading and too hard on men.
"In every public-opinion poll we're aware of and our own research, women are the ones really questioning marriage and men are the ones more interested in getting married," says Solot, who runs the organization with her live-in boyfriend in Boston.
Among the surveys she cites to bolster her view:
A 1996 Gallup poll found that 39 percent of unmarried men would prefer to be married, compared to 29 percent of unmarried women.
A survey of high schoolers from 1996 to 2000 found 38 percent of senior boys believed marriage leads to a fuller and happier life, compared to 29 percent of senior girls.
"If there is one gender more commitment-phobic than the other, it's probably women," Solot says.
http://story.news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=97&u=/hsn/20020724/hl_hsn/why_men_don_t_hear_wedding_bells&printer=1