igofast
07-09-2002, 04:52 PM
Hmmm. A semi-drunken conversation I had on saturday night about jelousy has been rattling around in my mind.... I don't think these are new thoughts, but I want to get them out anyway.
Jelousy is a killer. A serious, serious killer. I could not be in a relationship with a woman if jelousy is involved. If she isn't ok with me flirting with my female friends, or even girls I meet, and other such activities, I can not be her boyfriend. If I get jelous of her talking to guys, or even flirting with a couple of them when we go out, I can not be her boyfriend. Ok, yes there's little pangs of jelousy here and there that are really harmless, and actually kind of cute and flattering, but I'm not talking about those. Jelousy leads to insecurity, which has a big potential to errode at the foundation of any relationship. Or maybe jelousy COMES from insecurity, which is surely the case, but it also feeds it. Which is why it aint good. I think I'm talking in circles......
I'm not really a jelous person. What started all this was observing hot tub flirting on saturday night and thinking that if my woman is mine and I KNOW it, she can go ahead and get in that hot tub, show of her curves, smile at the boys and it won't bother me. Hell, she could even tease em if she wants, it's kind of an ego boost to have guys droolin over my woman and then have her wink at them and come sit in my lap.
But it's a fine line. While I don't care if she does all that stuff, she's got to keep it clear in my eyes that I am takin her home and that's what she wants. If she can do that, she can go ahead and flirt up a storm, it don't bother me.
Which leads me on to another thought..... Even if she keeps me happy, makin me think she's all mine, I can never really absolutely know that she's going to be faithful, right? People, and often girls especially, are good at playin the game of making someone think that situation A is goin on, when it's really situation B. I have married friends that are totally in love and it seems like they could never cheat. They say, "when you know, you know." And I'd like to believe that, and I'm sure it happens for a lot, or at least some, people, but there's no way of knowing if you're in that category. It would break my heart to find out someone was cheating on me.
I wonder if I'd be ok with an open relationship. One where we're allowed to have a night of lust with someone else outside of the relationship as long as everyone knew about it ahead of time. In theory, it could keep things from getting boring. There'd have to be a rule though, of only being with someone once, so attatchments didn't get made with people outside the relationship. In a day and age when sex is dangerous, I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
Ah the joys of realationships.....
Jelousy is a killer. A serious, serious killer. I could not be in a relationship with a woman if jelousy is involved. If she isn't ok with me flirting with my female friends, or even girls I meet, and other such activities, I can not be her boyfriend. If I get jelous of her talking to guys, or even flirting with a couple of them when we go out, I can not be her boyfriend. Ok, yes there's little pangs of jelousy here and there that are really harmless, and actually kind of cute and flattering, but I'm not talking about those. Jelousy leads to insecurity, which has a big potential to errode at the foundation of any relationship. Or maybe jelousy COMES from insecurity, which is surely the case, but it also feeds it. Which is why it aint good. I think I'm talking in circles......
I'm not really a jelous person. What started all this was observing hot tub flirting on saturday night and thinking that if my woman is mine and I KNOW it, she can go ahead and get in that hot tub, show of her curves, smile at the boys and it won't bother me. Hell, she could even tease em if she wants, it's kind of an ego boost to have guys droolin over my woman and then have her wink at them and come sit in my lap.
But it's a fine line. While I don't care if she does all that stuff, she's got to keep it clear in my eyes that I am takin her home and that's what she wants. If she can do that, she can go ahead and flirt up a storm, it don't bother me.
Which leads me on to another thought..... Even if she keeps me happy, makin me think she's all mine, I can never really absolutely know that she's going to be faithful, right? People, and often girls especially, are good at playin the game of making someone think that situation A is goin on, when it's really situation B. I have married friends that are totally in love and it seems like they could never cheat. They say, "when you know, you know." And I'd like to believe that, and I'm sure it happens for a lot, or at least some, people, but there's no way of knowing if you're in that category. It would break my heart to find out someone was cheating on me.
I wonder if I'd be ok with an open relationship. One where we're allowed to have a night of lust with someone else outside of the relationship as long as everyone knew about it ahead of time. In theory, it could keep things from getting boring. There'd have to be a rule though, of only being with someone once, so attatchments didn't get made with people outside the relationship. In a day and age when sex is dangerous, I'm not so sure that's a good idea.
Ah the joys of realationships.....