There is so much negative news today that I thought I would share something positive which could help us improve our lives. Although this article is about marriage, much of it would apply to dating couples as well....

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10 Powerful Secrets For How To Build A Great Marriage

#1) Forgiveness

This is one of the biggest problems couples have in our society today. They either don't know how to forgive or they refuse to forgive. When you refuse to forgive your spouse, you put a barrier between the two of you. And usually it doesn't even start with something huge. Usually a few small things are left unforgiven, and resentment builds up, and then a few more are added to it, and eventually a mountain of unforgiveness exists between the husband and wife and they feel miles apart.

This is absolutely one of the most important keys to any marriage. This is a key reason why so many people go from relationship to relationship or from marriage to marriage. Everything starts out great, but as soon as something goes wrong or someone is offended the person who won't forgive shuts down and eventually moves on. And you know what? None of us are perfect. All of us will let our partner down eventually. So we MUST learn how to forgive.

Don't let small offenses build into a mountain of bitterness in your marriage. Learn the freedom and intimacy that only forgiveness can bring.

#2) Learn how to say "I'm sorry"

This goes closely along with forgiveness. There are many people in our society today that are so proud that they can never say that they are sorry.

Do you know how hard it is to live with someone who will never admit that they are wrong?

Being able to take responsibility for your actions is a sign of maturity. It also makes it much easier for the other person to be able to forgive you.

The reality is that we will all offend our spouses at some point, and being able to say "I'm sorry" will go a long way towards repairing any damage that has been done.

#3) Turn away from lustful images

This is a big one especially for husbands. Your wives DO notice when you take a peek at an attractive woman or when you stare at lustful scenes on the television.

One huge thing you can do to make your spouse feel valued is to turn away when a lustful image comes on the television or movie screen or to even turn the television off when it crosses the line.

By taking the active step of turning away from lustful things it will make your spouse feel great, and it will send a signal that you are vigilant about protecting your marriage.

#4) Don't make a habit of talking badly about your spouse to others

This is a big one especially for wives. There is a tendency for women to get together and gossip about everything that is wrong with their husbands.

Or it is even worse when a husband or wife openly talks badly about their partner in public where the other partner can hear it. What it communicates to the other partner is that you have ZERO respect for that other person and that you do not value them at all.

So tackle your disagreements and issues in private. Airing them in public or to your friends does incredible damage.

#5) Put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own

This goes completely counter to how most people in our society think. Most people enter into marriages for what THEY can get out of it.

So when one of the partners starts feeling like they aren't getting what they want out of the marriage, what happens? They get angry, they shut down or they might leave.

But what do we find in great marriages?

What we find is each partner puts the needs and desires of the other person ahead of their own. When each person makes it their goal to serve the other, then the needs of both people get met. In fact, some of the most beautiful and most romantic stories in history are about one spouse who is willing to sacrifice everything for the good of the other spouse.

#6) Never ever threaten the relationship

If you want a healthy relationship, you must never, ever, ever threaten the relationship. If you say something like "If you do that again I'll start thinking about a divorce".....even if it is in jest.....then you are taking a sledgehammer to your marriage.

Any statement that threatens your relationship is likely to cause incredible fear and panic in your partner even if you do not realize it. It sends them the message that you are already thinking about ending the relationship.
Instead what you should do is to communicate to your spouse that you consider marriage to be for life, and that you are committed to this relationship for life no matter what. That type of commitment will do much to strengthen a marriage.

#7) Give your spouse at least one compliment every day

There are some married people, particularly women, who go YEARS without hearing their spouse say something truly nice about them. There are some married people who would do just about anything to hear some words of approval from the one they love.

So take this advice and give your spouse at least one sincere compliment every day. By doing so you will build that other person up and help them to become the person that they are supposed to be.

The reality is that we all need more vitamin "E".....if we do not receive encouragement from your spouse, then where in this dark, cold world are we supposed to get it?

#8) Do all the important things together

Increasingly I hear of married people attending important events alone, and I have even heard of couples taking "separate vacations".

That is a recipe for disaster. Your spouse is supposed to be your best friend. Encourage that by always doing all the important things together.

#9) Pray together EVERY night

Some of you may find this one strange. But ask anyone who does it. It works wonders for a marriage.

It is really hard to stay angry with each other or to have unresolved issues when you humble yourselves together in prayer each night before you go to bed. Trust me, just try it.

#10) Say to your spouse "I love you" at least once every day

Life goes by so quickly. Take the time to reaffirm your love every day. Some couples are so out of practice that they don't say it at all anymore.

Never let it get old. Each day tell your spouse that you love them. Life is too short not to.

Source: http://shatteredparadigm.********.com/2008/05/10-powerful-secrets-for-how-to-build.html

With the exceptions of #3 and #9 (I have a tendency to point out the pretties to hubby, and I am pagan), it's a great list. I practice most of those daily.:nice:

Good advice generally, but I do disagree with one point. No, not the one about prayer; I'm leaving that one alone.

#5) Put the needs of your spouse ahead of your own
No, no, no. I've seen many people make themselves unhappy this way, whether it was a spouse, a boss, a family member, whoever. The vow my wife and I took was to treat each other's needs and desires as equal to our own. Nobody should be placed above another. That's unhealthy, as much so if you're both putting yourselves last as if you're both putting yourselves first. When my wife says she wants something, it doesn't automatically go to the top of the priority list, but it does go to exactly the same spot on the priority list as though I had wanted it myself, and I ask nothing different of her. Anything else is just letting the neediest partner control the relationship.
#8) Do all the important things together
I don't actually disagree with this one, but I would emphasize important. Few things destroy a relationship as quickly as feeling that you always have to do absolutely everything together, that you never have any time or place or activity that's solely yours. Yes, do the important things together, but recognize that not everything is important and sometimes it's even important that some things not be done together.

IMO, the premise of this thread involves forcing oneself to do something unnatural. That invariably results in unhealthy manifestations of some kind.

Rule # fluckin' 1 is freedom. Without freedom of thought, individuals cannot advance to the next level of technical and spiritual development. Take fat mike for example. He is stuck in a stagnant zone because he is afraid he will upset some evil, obese monster, meanwhile he has alienated good people in the process. He is unable to think freely unless he decides to step up his game. The question is, what will motivate these psychologically handcuffed individuals to make the right decision?

I'm right there with yah, Snouter. If you have to drastically alter your natural behavior to make your spouse happy, you've failed.

On the other hand, seven of the items on the list actually make sense, obviously excluding #3, #5, and #9 because they're batshit crazy. And the reason that those seven items make sense is that they all flow naturally from the same root cause: respect.

If you respect your spouse, you'll forgive their imperfections, because you'll consider their strengths to be more important. You'll apologize when you've made a mistake, because you'll actually want them to like you. You won't gossip about them, because you'll respect their reputation. You won't threaten the relationship because you woulldn't want to lose it. You'll compliment them because you actually do like things about them. You'll want to do the important things together because you'll want them to be a big part of your life. And you'll say "I love you" because you DO.

So really you could shorten the whole list down to one item: #1: Respect Your Spouse.

With the exceptions of #3 and #9 (I have a tendency to point out the pretties to hubby, and I am pagan), it's a great list. I practice most of those daily.:nice:

Why do you suppose it is that pagan men and women by and large are less threatened by other men/women?

Why do you suppose it is that pagan men and women by and large are less threatened by other men/women?

You know, I don't think that's specifically pagan men or women are more or less threatened, but more like we recognize that it's in human nature to react to attractive humans. Look all you want. It's normal. We wouldn't dress nice and take care of ourselves if we didn't want to be noticed. But knowing where to draw the line comes into play with the words "Harm none" Looking isn't harmful to anyone. Acting on it is.


To comment on others:

#5 actually IS very important, at least to me, but it has to be mutual. If both are #1 in each other's eyes, then there is no inequality and both feel loved and cherished and that they are first to each other in everything. it definitely lends itself to lots of loving actions, thoughts and of course, SEX!!!! Although I could think there is no worse hell than to put your spouse first only to have them not do the same. Talk about a recipe for bitterness that later would lead to divorce.

#3's and 9 are shit. Otherwise, it's a pretty good list.

Judging by the list, my relationship is doomed.:hmm:

Judging by the list, my relationship is doomed.:hmm:

We don't have a 50% divorce rate for nothing.

Unfortunately Western Society can really be a relationship killer. Too much focus on the self, not enough on the focus of each other. Team building, realizing its the two of you against the world, it just doesn't happen. Most of the time it's like "Eh, there's better out there. Moving on." instead of focusing on and building upon what brought you together in the first place.

Judging by the list, my relationship is doomed.:hmm:

You're in another relationship? :confused:

#3 is ridiculous! Ever watched porn with your significant other? Try it! :nice:

And I don't pray so #9 is out.


Yeah I'm pretty much in agreement with all the rest of you....

#3 is ridiculous! Ever watched porn with your significant other? Try it! :nice:

And if your significant other isn't comfortable with you watching other men/women, they can always make the porn themselves :).

And if your significant other isn't comfortable with you watching other men/women, they can always make the porn themselves :).
true true.

I just think it's silly to say to your man "you can't look at other women." I think is speaks of major insecurity and jealousy issues and is waaaay too controlling. When I'm with my boyfriend I still notice a hot guy walking down the street whether I want to or not. I don't stare him down but I can't help but see him, I have 2 eyes right in the front of my head for gods sake!

...I don't stare him down but I can't help but see him, I have 2 eyes right in the front of my head for gods sake!

Behold, verily, the Bible says to yank out your eyes if they cause you to undress someone with them! The Koran has a different approach and says that women should hide their bodies so that the retards aren't forced to pluck their eyes out.

I suggest you let it go and go with your filthy, animal instincts. And from the point of view of fate, you being with the current steady date might simply be a means to meet a new, improved date. Just let it happen...

Behold, verily, the Bible says to yank out your eyes if they cause you to undress someone with them! The Koran has a different approach and says that women should hide their bodies so that the retards aren't forced to pluck their eyes out.

I suggest you let it go and go with your filthy, animal instincts. And from the point of view of fate, you being with the current steady date might simply be a means to meet a new, improved date. Just let it happen...

Your ideas intrigue me and I would like to subscribe to your newsletter.

Oh wait, your newsletter is the Snoutbox. I guess I could just go read your stuff there...