Ok so you are with the one that you love! And he/she did the unthinkable, and cheated on you! would you give her/him another chance or is it over? What do you think?

And if you would give another chance what are the conditions you would attach?

Ok so you are with the one that you love! And he/she did the unthinkable, and cheated on you! would you give her/him another chance or is it over? What do you think?



I don't cheat so better for him of not to cheat too.. I can forgive but no to infidelity issue.. :D

i think there is far more importance placed on fidelity than there is on understanding what sort of relationship one is in and what "relationship" means to a person.

i think there is far more importance placed on fidelity than there is on understanding what sort of relationship one is in and what "relationship" means to a person.

So then I take it you would forgive a cheater?:)

I don't cheat so better for him of not to cheat too.. I can forgive but no to infidelity issue.. :D

I agree with you on this one!:)

I do believe in saying, that once a cheater is always a cheater..

Depends on circumstances. Maybe.

I don't know if I could remain in a relationship with her if she cheated on me though.

Depends on circumstances. Maybe.

I don't know if I could remain in a relationship with her if she cheated on me though.

Here is one for you! What if you knew the guy that she cheated you on?

So then I take it you would forgive a cheater?:)

actually, that's not what i'm saying. :)

i think that relationships come in all forms of understanding and fidelity isn't the only parameter to a meaningful relationship. it can be at the core of a relationship, however, humans have many levels of love and understanding and sexuality/intimacy isn't the only level for some.

I do believe in saying, that once a cheater is always a cheater..


I agree as once you cheat there is a high probability that you will repeat the offence!:)

Here is one for you! What if you knew the guy that she cheated you on?

:eek:

LOL.. so insulting on your part. :nonono:

:eek:

LOL.. so insulting on your part. :nonono:


LOL we are talking hypothetical here!:D

LOL we are talking hypothetical here!:D


Okay.. :D

I may just want to read what would be their reaction finding their woman cheating with someone they knew.. :)

Again it depends on circumstances.

Again it depends on circumstances.

What if she agreed to never do it again but she got pregnant with his child?:)

You can be a foster parent to the child.... LOL :rofl:

Now you're just getting absurd. :p

In the realm of hypotheticals, there is a lot of room for "What Ifs." If that situation occurred right this instant, my reaction would be different than if it happened ten years from now. There are about a zillion other factors to consider in this hypothetical also. I don't want to make a blanket statement of my reaction because I don't know how I would react, I've never been faced with the situation.

Now you're just getting absurd. :p

In the realm of hypotheticals, there is a lot of room for "What Ifs." If that situation occurred right this instant, my reaction would be different than if it happened ten years from now. There are about a zillion other factors to consider in this hypothetical also. I don't want to make a blanket statement of my reaction because I don't know how I would react, I've never been faced with the situation.


Actually I agree with this as you never really know what your reaction will be until you are actually in that situation!:)

Yes, because no one is perfect. But they have to earn the trust back.

And you can never tell them that or they will.

Yes, because no one is perfect. But they have to earn the trust back.

And you can never tell them that or they will.


Will you elaborate on that please? Are you saying that you may drive them to cheat on you again?:)

I was just saying that if you tell them at the beginning of the relationship you would forgive them it's basically like saying "Hey, if you are in a situation to cheat, go ahead, I don't care as long as you try hard enough afterwards"

They could also take that as you don't care because you are going to cheat on them as well. Or they might just break up with you all together because you don't stand up for yourself.

I honestly don't know how I would react. I've never been cheated on before (or atleast I've never found out about it) so I can't really say whether I would be able to forgive the person or not. It also depends on how I feel about my partner. Is it a new relationship? Am I truly in love with the person? etc. etc.

I just don't know how to have my trust back with the person either.. Of course everybody is entitle for forgiveness but the problem is that, how can you be so sure that she/he won't do the cheating again?? :rolleyes: There is no guarantee.. :)

I honestly don't know how I would react. I've never been cheated on before (or atleast I've never found out about it) so I can't really say whether I would be able to forgive the person or not. It also depends on how I feel about my partner. Is it a new relationship? Am I truly in love with the person? etc. etc.

What if kids were involved would you forgive?

I just don't know how to have my trust back with the person either.. Of course everybody is entitle for forgiveness but the problem is that, how can you be so sure that she/he won't do the cheating again?? :rolleyes: There is no guarantee.. :)


You are right Juliet its hard to trust if you are cheated on!:)

What if kids were involved would you forgive?
That does make the situation more difficult. On one hand you could reconcile with you partner so as to have both parents in the home for the children. On the other hand if you can't forgive and forget and you don't want your partner to be part of your life anymore do you really want your children growing up seeing parents that are miserable and fighting and unhappy all of the time? That is not a healthy environment....

I agree as once you cheat there is a high probability that you will repeat the offence!:)

Exactly. In my marriages, the women who cheated did so repeatedly.

Some people are programmed for monogamy, and some aren't. Getting caught doesn't change the value system of those who don't take exclusivity seriously.

That does make the situation more difficult. On one hand you could reconcile with you partner so as to have both parents in the home for the children. On the other hand if you can't forgive and forget and you don't want your partner to be part of your life anymore do you really want your children growing up seeing parents that are miserable and fighting and unhappy all of the time? That is not a healthy environment....

I agree with you as when there are kids involved it makes the situation more delicate and to be honest with you I dont think that there is an easy answer!

Ok so you are with the one that you love! And he/she did the unthinkable, and cheated on you! would you give her/him another chance or is it over? What do you think?
Probibly not. Experience taught me that once a cheater always a cheater.

I don't really think that a person could ever truthfully say what they would do before that situation was actually staring them in the face. Only then could a decision be made...there are just too many personal and individual variables in the relationship between two people.

So then I guess what you are saying is that you dont know what your reaction is untill you are actually in that situation?

So then I guess what you are saying is that you dont know what your reaction is untill you are actually in that situation?

Yes, pretty much. You could surprise yourself either way from how you thought beforehand. Nothing is truly ever just black and white.

Ok so you are with the one that you love! And he/she did the unthinkable, and cheated on you! would you give her/him another chance or is it over? What do you think?

Once the cat is out of the bag... it is hard to forget. The trust is dead, probably irreversable damage. Some couples continue, but harbour resentment, bottling up negative emotions, often seekeng revenge, secretly or openly...

No matter who is to blame... if the cheater is a reasonable person, he/she should be the first one to pack their bags and leave. If I cheated and he found out, I wouldn't dare ask for a second chance. That's like getting caught stealing from your employer, expecting to keep your job.

I personally could not forget and forgive. The images of him with another would haunt me and I don't have the stomack for it. Besides... if someone disrespects you like that, and you allow it, only once, you're setting a prescedent for the future and sending a message that they can get away with this, that you depend on them so much that you can forgive anything. From that point on, they will respect you even less. Yeap...

And just to be precise, I am talking about serious monogamous committed relationships. Swingers and open relationships are not in the same boat.

You should receive what you give; if I'm faithful, I expect the same in return. End of story.

What is it with Ross and Juliet and their threads about fidelity and cheating?

For the record, I would not forgive and forget if I was cheated on. You only get one chance with me.

What is it with Ross and Juliet and their threads about fidelity and cheating?

For the record, I would not forgive and forget if I was cheated on. You only get one chance with me.

Right on.

I don't believe in holding grudges. I also don't believe in forgiveness. These are temporary things, and in the end they don't mean squat. When I found out that a girl cheated on me, I was disappointed. Not because she did something bad to me, but because I learned that she's not the person I thought she was. Obviously, no one would enter into a monogamous relationship with someone they knew was incapable of monogamy. So it's naturally disappointing when you find out that you're in one. But here's how you have to look at it: she was a cheater before she cheated. It's in her character. It's who she is. You can love her or leave her, but you can't change her.

So being angry about it and expecting her to redeem herself through hard work is ridiculous. Forgiving her is ridiculous, too. She's not gonna change, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. She might be able to change herself, but change ONLY comes from within. Expecting her to change for you is about as realistic as expecting her to jump over the moon.

Needless to say, we're not together any more. Last I heard she was unemployed, living with her parents, and engaged to a guy who hits her and bought her a boob job.

I don't believe in holding grudges. I also don't believe in forgiveness. These are temporary things, and in the end they don't mean squat. When I found out that a girl cheated on me, I was disappointed. Not because she did something bad to me, but because I learned that she's not the person I thought she was. Obviously, no one would enter into a monogamous relationship with someone they knew was incapable of monogamy. So it's naturally disappointing when you find out that you're in one. But here's how you have to look at it: she was a cheater before she cheated. It's in her character. It's who she is. You can love her or leave her, but you can't change her.

So being angry about it and expecting her to redeem herself through hard work is ridiculous. Forgiving her is ridiculous, too. She's not gonna change, and there's nothing anyone can do about that. She might be able to change herself, but change ONLY comes from within. Expecting her to change for you is about as realistic as expecting her to jump over the moon.

Needless to say, we're not together any more. Last I heard she was unemployed, living with her parents, and engaged to a guy who hits her and bought her a boob job.

I think you are trying to say "once a cheater always a cheater", altho' there was some mention of change being possible...

I am a good example of someone who used to cheat, and completely and irreversibly changed. I am so anti-cheating it hurts. I do have this fear that I have not paid the price for all my previous wrong doings... Whether it's through self-fullfilling prophecy or pure coincidence, I feel I have yet to suffer the consequences, even if I have changed. I wish I could explain this feeling, but I can't. I'm not superstitious, nothing like that. But knowing the dark side of the human psyche, I keep expecting to run into it with partners. Cheating flucks you up for life, seriously.

Cheating changes everything.

I don't forget how it felt.

Therefore I don't forgive.


There's noone to forgive.

I lost repect for the both of us.

But I will always be physcially attracted to her, and that could set me up for exacting revenge if I let that ever happen.

Still you learn and you carry on.

Cheating changes everything.


Cheating doesn't change anything about the reality of the world you live in. All it does is improve your perception of that world.

I do believe that almost everyone would cheat given the perfect situation. The trick is to never set that circumstances of that situation. Alcohol included.

I do believe that almost everyone would cheat given the perfect situation. The trick is to never set that circumstances of that situation. Alcohol included.

I can fully trust myself never to get into such a situation; even if everything is perfectly set up for it - I would easily walk away.

I still don't trust others to be able to do the same. Which is probably why I try to be so damn controlling with partners, trying to never allow for such situations when they're concerned. You're damned if you do, and damned if you don't.

:hmm:

I'd have a harder time forgiving myself for being unable to identify the character flaw in my partner before becoming serious with her.

I'd have a harder time forgiving myself for being unable to identify the character flaw in my partner before becoming serious with her.

I know what you mean, but you've got to let it go or you are up for a lifetime of being angry with yourself.

I do believe that almost everyone would cheat given the perfect situation. The trick is to never set that circumstances of that situation. Alcohol included.

The only thing alcohol does is lower your inhibitions. If you really want to be with your girlfriend and no one else, no amount of alcohol is going to make you hook up with another woman. All it'll do is make you blabber on incessantly about how much you love your girlfriend. (which is annoying to your friends, but is a good indication that you're a decent guy)

I'd have a harder time forgiving myself for being unable to identify the character flaw in my partner before becoming serious with her.

That's what bothered me most about the whole situation.

I haven't had an officially exclusive relationship since. I'm much more reluctant to get involved in one now.

I suppose it's way simpler for me - I'd just be angry as hell at the cheater.

People often underestimate their patners and take things for granted.

A quick replacement is the best revenge....:)

Been listening to Beyonce lately?

"You must not know about me
I can have another you by tomorrow
So don't you ever for a second get to thinking you're irreplaceable..."

I'm not angry at her.

If you're with somebody and you think you can replace them tomorrow, you must not like them very much. I don't see much sense in dating someone you don't really like.

I'm not angry at her.

If you're with somebody and you think you can replace them tomorrow, you must not like them very much. I don't see much sense in dating someone you don't really like.

I think my scenario was revolving around getting caught by surprise. There's no better way of getting over someone but finding someone else.

Anyhoo, you're taking it too seriously dude. Naturally it depends on how much you loved the person that cheated on you... Sometimes the pain immobilises you emotionally... It can be devastating. Not everyone can move on quickly. But if you could - it would be a better option - for your sake.

It all depends, some instances of cheating are unforgivable.

It all depends, some instances of cheating are unforgivable.

Short answer no. Long answer no.

What is it with Ross and Juliet and their threads about fidelity and cheating?

For the record, I would not forgive and forget if I was cheated on. You only get one chance with me.

No particular reason! Just thought it would make a good topic! :)

I do believe that almost everyone would cheat given the perfect situation. The trick is to never set that circumstances of that situation. Alcohol included.


I think also that self discipline is the key here!

If they really truly loved me, they wouldnt cheat on me.
So no.