I figured it out! I figured out why I'm single. I figured out why I always want the crazy chicks and I'm never happy with the stable ones.

It's because the stable girls are "good enough". I've dated a few of them. They're pretty enough, financially secure, have respectable careers, always show up on time, and rarely cause drama. They don't have anything really wrong with them, but they don't exactly pique my interest either.

They're good enough, but I don't want good enough. I want someone who's gonna rock my world. I want a woman I can really respect, who can probably have any number of guys, but chose me because she thinks I'm better than all the others. I want a woman who is unique, and excels at what she does. I want a woman who can surprise me, and be better than me at something. I want to go to bed thinking about how lucky I am to have her.

Thirty years from now, when I'm married and have kids, and maybe even grandkids, I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I found the woman who's perfect for me. When someone asks me why I married my wife, I don't want the answer to be, "because she was good enough."

May you find what you are searching for. It can be a long hard road. Especially nowdays.

The problem with perfection is that you never find it.

Who said anything about perfection?

Who said anything about perfection?

I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I found the woman who's perfect for me.

:shrug: part of compatability is growing together as people. Dave said that when we met, he thought I had a lot of potential. I think it's important to look at what a person can become and to appreciate the surprises that you could never have forseen. :)

I said "perfect for me". I think there's a difference between that and flat-out perfect.

I think it's the height of foolishness to expect a person to become anything other than what they already are. I'm not trying to change her. That's just wishful thinking. That's why people stay in bad relationships, because they think they're gonna change their partner. Sorry, but it just ain't gonna happen.

I said "perfect for me". I think there's a difference between that and flat-out perfect.

I think it's the height of foolishness to expect a person to become anything other than what they already are. I'm not trying to change her. That's just wishful thinking. That's why people stay in bad relationships, because they think they're gonna change their partner. Sorry, but it just ain't gonna happen.

You said "Who said ANYTHING about perfection?" The answer is YOU did. And people change over time. It's foolish to think you can change a person, but it's equally foolish to think people aren't capable of growth.

You said "Who said ANYTHING about perfection?" The answer is YOU did. And people change over time. It's foolish to think you can change a person, but it's equally foolish to think people aren't capable of growth.

Okay, fine! I said perfect. Happy now? Sorry, I misspoke. :P

I know people are capable of growth, but I don't expect it to happen. I find that my life is much happier if I expect people to continue being exactly who they are.

The problem with perfection is that you never find it.

Good answer, I kind of agree. Some people are lucky and basically find a/the perfect person though.

Okay, fine! I said perfect. Happy now? Sorry, I misspoke. :P

I know people are capable of growth, but I don't expect it to happen. I find that my life is much happier if I expect people to continue being exactly who they are.

Both expectations lead to pain, both are equally doomed.
People won't necessarily grow the way we expect them to, but it is certain they will not continue being exactly who they are either.

I like the potential approach. I think we feel best around people who we feel have potential that we know we can support in the right way. And that goes for relationships in general, not just sexual relationships.

M.

Okay, fine! I said perfect. Happy now? Sorry, I misspoke. :P

I know people are capable of growth, but I don't expect it to happen. I find that my life is much happier if I expect people to continue being exactly who they are.

If they stay that way, great. But I find that really isn't the case. When hubby married me, I don't think he ever would have thought that I would start training for a triathlon, become a yoga freak, and becaome an all around health nut. Not to mention completely ditch my old religion and take up a new one.

So, are you all suggesting that I should marry a woman who's "good enough" and try to make her special?

No wonder so many people have relationship problems... :nonono:

Have heard of the saying "Select, Select and Select until you select trash."?

Dont let that happen to you.

Some people are far too picky and find faults with just about everyone. Chances are they already had the perfect person but wanted to find someone even more perfect. When the day is done they are left with someone who is not as good as some previous women they dumped.

So, are you all suggesting that I should marry a woman who's "good enough" and try to make her special?

No wonder so many people have relationship problems... :nonono:

No, I just don't think you should go around expecting perfection. Conversely, you should avoid those with obvious deal breaker problems. But you will love whom you love, warts and all. There will ALWAYS be things that will irritate you, but you'd be suprised at how much of that is little trivial things that mean nothing to the big picture.

Is my husband perfect? Hell no. I don't expect him to be. We will always have arguments, challenges, aggravations, and annoyances with one another. It's how we handle them and work them out that makes the difference. And no matter what I still love him to absolutely pieces and thank the gods for him every single day.

There is always someone more attractive, better in bed, richer, more active, etc. You should be looking to have your world moved, but once you do you have to let go of the "what-ifs" and actually enjoy what you have. You're on the right track, though. Figure out what is important to you and be prepared to let the rest go.

I think I'm actually getting to the point now where I'm happier single than I ever was in a relationship. I think about asking out a girl, and I end up thinking, "What's the point?"

Maybe I'm better off alone.

I think I'm actually getting to the point now where I'm happier single than I ever was in a relationship. I think about asking out a girl, and I end up thinking, "What's the point?"

Maybe I'm better off alone.
I'm starting to feel this way :-/ Even though I do want to find someone that makes me feel passionate and alive again. Someone intelligent yet sweet. Someone who'll be silly with me. Someone I can talk to. Someone I don't have to talk to. Someone who'll give me time and give me space, then be able to take it all away. Now I am reciting words to a built to spill song, but that's ok because that's how i feel right now. The problem is that recently i've found like 1 or 2 of these traits in guys i know but not my other requirements. i've found someone that inpires me and makes me passionate, i found a guy that's so sweet, a singer, who dedicated two songs to me tonight. but it just doesn't all fit togther. Wow, is anyone still reading this? I'm going to bed now.:hmm:

lol... Alyssa you're funny when you get drunk and decide to post on DA.

If you want someone who's really great to take an interest you, work on being really great yourself. The world is full of people who want a beautiful mate but are slovenly and sloppy themselves, who want a rich mate but are poor themselves, who want a witty and charming mate but are merely sullen and rude themselves, who want an idealistic mate but are purely selfish themselves. Is it any surprise when they don't get what they want? Everyone settles, but why would someone in the top tier for any attribute they value settle for someone on the bottom?

Oh, don't worry 'bout me. I already am awesome. :nice:

I wasn't trying to say otherwise, and if it came across that way I apologize. Everyone can be more awesome than they currently are, though, and it's always worth thinking about what would attract (or repel) the kind of person you yourself would like to be with. It's not really a better/worse or higher/lower kind of thing, even. Different fish simply like different bait. People who are a certain way themselves often want a partner who is also a certain way, whether that's similar or complementary. They have triggers that will turn them on, and others that will turn them off, even if they don't know or admit what those triggers are. I've seen friends cultivate certain characteristics that they thought would be appealing, and they were appealing, but not to the people those friends were seeking. In the process, sometimes, those same friends neglected other assets or flaws that would have had a much more tangible effect on their prospects for success. These same people were totally aware of developing skills or tailoring a resume to get the sort of job they wanted, but couldn't or didn't apply the same idea to dating. It's a game, perhaps, but like all games strategy can make the difference between winning and losing. What would the woman you're looking for be looking for herself, and where would she be looking?

lol... Alyssa you're funny when you get drunk and decide to post on DA.

I think i come across as a boring, ditzy flirt on DA. So I guess you could say I'm myself on here. :|

Nah, I'm immensely more interesting in person, I promise.

I figured it out! I figured out why I'm single. I figured out why I always want the crazy chicks and I'm never happy with the stable ones.

It's because the stable girls are "good enough". I've dated a few of them. They're pretty enough, financially secure, have respectable careers, always show up on time, and rarely cause drama. They don't have anything really wrong with them, but they don't exactly pique my interest either.

They're good enough, but I don't want good enough. I want someone who's gonna rock my world. I want a woman I can really respect, who can probably have any number of guys, but chose me because she thinks I'm better than all the others. I want a woman who is unique, and excels at what she does. I want a woman who can surprise me, and be better than me at something. I want to go to bed thinking about how lucky I am to have her.

Thirty years from now, when I'm married and have kids, and maybe even grandkids, I want to look back on my life and be able to say that I found the woman who's perfect for me. When someone asks me why I married my wife, I don't want the answer to be, "because she was good enough."

Basically, right now you're saying that you don't want to "settle", and that's absolutely fine. However, you may find your personal priority list in a prospective mate shifting as time goes by, and some qualities that you may find "boring" now will become more attractive to you as you grow older. Just food for thought. Anyway, when it's meant to happen, it will, so meanwhile enjoy your life as it is, and try not to focus too much on finding that someone. Things have a surprising way of biting you in the *ss sometimes.

Don't settle for someone who is just "good enough." There's a lot more that goes into attraction and relationships and if you feel like you're ever "settling" for anything you're never going to be able to remain happy.

Don't find someone you can live with. Find someone that you can't live without.

It's true, as I grow older I find myself attracted to different things. A flirty bubbly teenager would have been a challenge many years ago, but now I find repulsive to bring someone like that around my young daughter. Even if I didn't have someone, I doubt I would go shopping for girls like I use to. Part of that comes from being a dad, but it's mostly because of you are more interested in bettering yourself. Educating yourself, performing well at work, becoming financially and emotionally stable is what most older singles seek for. It almost seems inevitable that those who aren't are doomed to fail.