Feenix566
01-25-2008, 12:00 PM
This is the funniest site I've seen in a while! They set up marriages with women serving life sentences in states that allow conjugal visits, so you can go to the prison and have teh secks with them!
http://conjugalharmony.com/browse.html
The funniest part is the women's explanations for why they're in jail:
Drug deal went bad, next thing you know, I got hauled off for killing a cop. I'm a good person.
Vehicular assault, vehicular homicide, reckless driving and I had a ton of weed in the trunk.
Murder but it wasn't like that i got setup by my pimp and his frenz.
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor, kidnapping, taking a minor across states lines for the purpose of prostitution, and murder 1.
You name it I did it. It was fun, but I put all that behind me now and am ready to move on.
Tried to kill my old man when he was sleeping but he beat me something bad.
Malicious mischief, vandalism, then a guy I dated turned up dead plus his wife.
Rape, assault with a deadly weapon and rape again. Only takes three for life and threes a crowd.
Trespassing, soliciting, prostitution, drug possession and then my three strikes was all armed robbery or whateva.
Arson but it turned out his kids were in there so they said two counts murder one.
I beat up this bitch cop with my bare knuckles and she died so I'm done for life. Lets chat!
I'd be scared shitless if I was married to one of these chicks and she got out!
FAQ
Is this legal?
You bet it is! In many states, it's not just legal, but legally required! That means that the state doesn't just have to permit it, they have to spend tax dollars to help you hook up with your wife. We're not working around the law, we're playing right into their scheme.
Does the state endorse this?
Acceptance of our program varies from state to state, but wardens support our program more often than not. An inmate with a husband or wife on the outside is less likely to commit future crimes. A lifer (person serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole) is less likely to commit acts of violence or rape if they have the sexual release of a loving, married partner with whom to share acts of intimacy on a monthly or quarterly basis. In order to even qualify for conjugal visits, the inmate must remain in perfect standing for the six-months prior to any visit, so prisoners are extremely unlikely to engage in unacceptable behavior during incarceration, thus lowering overall costs and dangers to the correctional system.
What's so great about getting married to someone in prison?
If you're anything like us, you're controlling. With Conjugal Harmony, we take out the guess work. You don't have to hire a private detective to know where your spouse is, who they're hanging out with, or ever wonder if you're being cheated on. By marrying a convict inside the prison system you can rest easy knowing that the state is looking out for you, and that you will be free of the nagging, shopping trips and extra-marital oversight so stifling to your relationship.
What states allow this?
For one thing, you should be sober. Beyond that, conjugal visitation is now only permitted in six states. California, Connecticut, Mississippi, New Mexico, New York and Washington are the only places where you can marry an inmate, and then have regular sex with him or her.
What if I want prison sex without the marriage?
Sorry, we can only set up conjugal visits between married couples. There are "inmate dating" sites out there, but those scams are designed so that you meet the inmate while he or she is on the inside, but your relationship can't be consummated until that criminal is released. Then you have all the hassles of dating (the costs, commitment, etc,) plus your left dating an ex-con. Our system is better, safer and far more beneficial.
Can I have more than one wife in prison?
All states within the country have laws prohibiting polygamy, but there is not a national registry that tracks such things. In theory, one could have an incarcerated spouse in all six of the states that permit conjugal visits, as well as one or more additional spouses who are not in the prison system. Such behavior would be highly unethical, moderately illegal, and recommended only to interstate truckers, airline staff, and those who have the ability to fully reap the benefits of such an arrangement. While we can not endorse such behavior, we would not be aware of it unless you told us it was the case, and we'd have to recommend you only select one of our Lifer packages in order to insure that none of them would be released unexpectedly.
What if I decide later that I want to get married to a non-prisoner?
If you decide down the road that you want to get married to a non-prisoner, the first thing we would do is offer you a list of counselors in your area who might help you understand what you're giving up. If you still feel, after understanding the many benefits of having a wife in prison for life, that you want to marry a non-life-sentence-serving person, you will be free to do so. You may divorce your inmate-spouse, seek to have the marriage annulled, or just say you did one of those two things and keep your incarcerated loved one on the sly. We have no way of knowing what you choose, and your confidentiality is always assured with Conjugal Harmony, so there's no risk that we would interfere, or even cooperate with investigations.
Help, my "wife" is about to be released from prison!
Conjugal Harmony seeks only to connect law abiding citizens with those inmates who are serving sentences of life without the possibility of parole or longer. In rare cases, these convicts may earn a retrial based on new evidence which could potentially lead to early release. Though uncommon, this possibility does exist. It is for this very reason we strongly encourage you to secure prenuptial annulment and/or divorce papers, so that if your beloved spouse is released, as impossible as it may seem, you'll immediately be able to rescind your marriage in order to preserve your assets and pursue a new jailbird partner.
Are same-sex marriages offered through Conjugal Harmony?
Unfortunately, only opposite-sex marriages are recognized for "Extended Family Visits", but we're working very hard to get these laws changed. As of June 2007, limited same-sex visits began in the state of California, but waivers for our company have been very limited since the law states that the couple must have been established prior to incarceration.
Are the details of my prison marriage kept confidential?
Due to problems we have had with various government organizations, we have shredder trucks come around about once every two weeks to take care of out-dated, unnecessary paperwork. The details of your transaction, from the price you paid, to our internal accounting, to the woman you
married, will not just be kept confidential, they'll be outright destroyed.
What if I get sick of my prison bride?
With the many different packages available, you can choose the term of marriage that is right for you. You may wish a single partner for a life sentence, or you may prefer to upgrade to a newer, younger wife every few years. With our many options available, ranging from "a few days with good behavior" all the way out to "till death do us part", you're sure to find the right mate, and the right duration, that's exactly right for you.
What about diseases?
All six states that allow conjugal visits require the inmate to test clean for all sexually transmitted diseases before allowing an intimate meeting. That means you can perform your coital acts without the need for sticky, awkward or embarrassingly loose fitting condoms without any risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. And if you don't come back for six months, you can rest assured that she hasn't been with any other man during that time, so no matter how dirty she may get, she'll always be clean as a whistle where it counts.
http://conjugalharmony.com/browse.html
The funniest part is the women's explanations for why they're in jail:
Drug deal went bad, next thing you know, I got hauled off for killing a cop. I'm a good person.
Vehicular assault, vehicular homicide, reckless driving and I had a ton of weed in the trunk.
Murder but it wasn't like that i got setup by my pimp and his frenz.
Contributing to the delinquency of a minor, kidnapping, taking a minor across states lines for the purpose of prostitution, and murder 1.
You name it I did it. It was fun, but I put all that behind me now and am ready to move on.
Tried to kill my old man when he was sleeping but he beat me something bad.
Malicious mischief, vandalism, then a guy I dated turned up dead plus his wife.
Rape, assault with a deadly weapon and rape again. Only takes three for life and threes a crowd.
Trespassing, soliciting, prostitution, drug possession and then my three strikes was all armed robbery or whateva.
Arson but it turned out his kids were in there so they said two counts murder one.
I beat up this bitch cop with my bare knuckles and she died so I'm done for life. Lets chat!
I'd be scared shitless if I was married to one of these chicks and she got out!
FAQ
Is this legal?
You bet it is! In many states, it's not just legal, but legally required! That means that the state doesn't just have to permit it, they have to spend tax dollars to help you hook up with your wife. We're not working around the law, we're playing right into their scheme.
Does the state endorse this?
Acceptance of our program varies from state to state, but wardens support our program more often than not. An inmate with a husband or wife on the outside is less likely to commit future crimes. A lifer (person serving a life sentence with no possibility of parole) is less likely to commit acts of violence or rape if they have the sexual release of a loving, married partner with whom to share acts of intimacy on a monthly or quarterly basis. In order to even qualify for conjugal visits, the inmate must remain in perfect standing for the six-months prior to any visit, so prisoners are extremely unlikely to engage in unacceptable behavior during incarceration, thus lowering overall costs and dangers to the correctional system.
What's so great about getting married to someone in prison?
If you're anything like us, you're controlling. With Conjugal Harmony, we take out the guess work. You don't have to hire a private detective to know where your spouse is, who they're hanging out with, or ever wonder if you're being cheated on. By marrying a convict inside the prison system you can rest easy knowing that the state is looking out for you, and that you will be free of the nagging, shopping trips and extra-marital oversight so stifling to your relationship.
What states allow this?
For one thing, you should be sober. Beyond that, conjugal visitation is now only permitted in six states. California, Connecticut, Mississippi, New Mexico, New York and Washington are the only places where you can marry an inmate, and then have regular sex with him or her.
What if I want prison sex without the marriage?
Sorry, we can only set up conjugal visits between married couples. There are "inmate dating" sites out there, but those scams are designed so that you meet the inmate while he or she is on the inside, but your relationship can't be consummated until that criminal is released. Then you have all the hassles of dating (the costs, commitment, etc,) plus your left dating an ex-con. Our system is better, safer and far more beneficial.
Can I have more than one wife in prison?
All states within the country have laws prohibiting polygamy, but there is not a national registry that tracks such things. In theory, one could have an incarcerated spouse in all six of the states that permit conjugal visits, as well as one or more additional spouses who are not in the prison system. Such behavior would be highly unethical, moderately illegal, and recommended only to interstate truckers, airline staff, and those who have the ability to fully reap the benefits of such an arrangement. While we can not endorse such behavior, we would not be aware of it unless you told us it was the case, and we'd have to recommend you only select one of our Lifer packages in order to insure that none of them would be released unexpectedly.
What if I decide later that I want to get married to a non-prisoner?
If you decide down the road that you want to get married to a non-prisoner, the first thing we would do is offer you a list of counselors in your area who might help you understand what you're giving up. If you still feel, after understanding the many benefits of having a wife in prison for life, that you want to marry a non-life-sentence-serving person, you will be free to do so. You may divorce your inmate-spouse, seek to have the marriage annulled, or just say you did one of those two things and keep your incarcerated loved one on the sly. We have no way of knowing what you choose, and your confidentiality is always assured with Conjugal Harmony, so there's no risk that we would interfere, or even cooperate with investigations.
Help, my "wife" is about to be released from prison!
Conjugal Harmony seeks only to connect law abiding citizens with those inmates who are serving sentences of life without the possibility of parole or longer. In rare cases, these convicts may earn a retrial based on new evidence which could potentially lead to early release. Though uncommon, this possibility does exist. It is for this very reason we strongly encourage you to secure prenuptial annulment and/or divorce papers, so that if your beloved spouse is released, as impossible as it may seem, you'll immediately be able to rescind your marriage in order to preserve your assets and pursue a new jailbird partner.
Are same-sex marriages offered through Conjugal Harmony?
Unfortunately, only opposite-sex marriages are recognized for "Extended Family Visits", but we're working very hard to get these laws changed. As of June 2007, limited same-sex visits began in the state of California, but waivers for our company have been very limited since the law states that the couple must have been established prior to incarceration.
Are the details of my prison marriage kept confidential?
Due to problems we have had with various government organizations, we have shredder trucks come around about once every two weeks to take care of out-dated, unnecessary paperwork. The details of your transaction, from the price you paid, to our internal accounting, to the woman you
married, will not just be kept confidential, they'll be outright destroyed.
What if I get sick of my prison bride?
With the many different packages available, you can choose the term of marriage that is right for you. You may wish a single partner for a life sentence, or you may prefer to upgrade to a newer, younger wife every few years. With our many options available, ranging from "a few days with good behavior" all the way out to "till death do us part", you're sure to find the right mate, and the right duration, that's exactly right for you.
What about diseases?
All six states that allow conjugal visits require the inmate to test clean for all sexually transmitted diseases before allowing an intimate meeting. That means you can perform your coital acts without the need for sticky, awkward or embarrassingly loose fitting condoms without any risk of contracting a sexually transmitted disease. And if you don't come back for six months, you can rest assured that she hasn't been with any other man during that time, so no matter how dirty she may get, she'll always be clean as a whistle where it counts.