So we've had a couple of threads on wanting what you can't have, confidence, neediness, etc. etc. What it all boils down to is striking that perfect balance between leaving him/her wanting more while still being somewhat available to them. In essence, it's playing hard to get. Is this a "game" that one needs to and should be playing? I suppose the bigger question is, are some games good to play with a relationship?

I never did like it when chicks did that. I definitely considered it a game and had no patience for it. If I thought she was playing games with me, I'd move on to the next girl.

Yup - women should have gotten over that crap in their teens.

Playing games in a relationship is fine if both parties are willing to tolerate it. I find that it's much easier (and healthier) to avoid the head games and say what you mean and do what you say.

The woman who spends her time trying to guess how into me she should pretend to be today in order to keep me at arm's reach is going to lose out to the woman who is genuinely interested and shows it, all other things being equal.

well, no one wants to be bored... and everyone wants to feel desirable.
the very best part of most relationships is the courting...

So we've had a couple of threads on wanting what you can't have, confidence, neediness, etc. etc. What it all boils down to is striking that perfect balance between leaving him/her wanting more while still being somewhat available to them. In essence, it's playing hard to get. Is this a "game" that one needs to and should be playing? I suppose the bigger question is, are some games good to play with a relationship?

I agree with what you're saying but I disagree with your conclusion (playing hard to get.) Doing that doesn't necessarily equal a perfect balance between leaving them wanting more while still being somewhat available. How about just being interested in the person, but not willing to sacrifice your life for them after one date?

To answer your bigger question, no. Game playing is for 13 year olds and immature Paris Hilton wannabees. Games played in the bedroom are a-ok though. :)

I never did like it when chicks did that. I definitely considered it a game and had no patience for it. If I thought she was playing games with me, I'd move on to the next girl.

Part of the game is making the other person think you're not playing it.

Playing games in a relationship is fine if both parties are willing to tolerate it. I find that it's much easier (and healthier) to avoid the head games and say what you mean and do what you say.

As long as what you mean is what they want to hear. If you're needy and insecure, and totally honest about it, you're gonna get dumped for being needy and insecure.

How about just being interested in the person, but not willing to sacrifice your life for them after one date?


That's the real trick.

Its all a game, whether you like to think so or not.

As long as what you mean is what they want to hear. If you're needy and insecure, and totally honest about it, you're gonna get dumped for being needy and insecure.
Hasn't happened so far, this year will be 8 years and counting. Folks who have seen my relationship with my husband in action can attest to it's awesomeness. :p

Hasn't happened so far, this year will be 8 years and counting. Folks who have seen my relationship with my husband in action can attest to it's awesomeness. :p

I can attest. Heidi and Davey are like peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, which makes them a delicious couple. :p

Its all a game, whether you like to think so or not.

the winner-you go through a period when youre deciding if this person fits or not-you cant really make final assertions-you have to try things on for size-man that sounded bad...:eek::eek3:

Its all a game, whether you like to think so or not.

aint that about the truth.

We all play games though we don't want to admit or even realize that we do.

its just knowing whether the games you play are fun or not :D

I can attest. Heidi and Davey are like peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, which makes them a delicious couple. :p
sounds nauseating. :barf:

I am glad to hear somebody is in love. :)

The woman who spends her time trying to guess how into me she should pretend to be today in order to keep me at arm's reach is going to lose out to the woman who is genuinely interested and shows it, all other things being equal.

No shit. I've discovered it takes much less energy to take people at face value.

"No matter how hot she is, some guy somewhere is sick to death of her crap."

The woman who spends her time trying to guess how into me she should pretend to be today in order to keep me at arm's reach is going to lose out to the woman who is genuinely interested and shows it, all other things being equal.

I agree. If I like you then why would I want to put on this great big facade and act as if though I dont like you? I think I would be worried that im not playing the game right and you actually thought I didnt like you and moved on. It just seems like too much work.

I think its better to play hard to get as it concerns sex in a relationship.
I play hard to get in the sense that there is no way I would sleep with you unless we were together for at least a year. However, to pretend as if I dont like you when I really do isnt my style.

No shit. I've discovered it takes much less energy to take people at face value.

"No matter how hot she is, some guy somewhere is sick to death of her crap."

Amen to that. If a person is used to, or craves "drama" in their relationships, then someone being simply honest may be boring to them, but it's their loss in the long run.

This is a great question.

You know how they say mothers know better? Well, my mother's advice to me was never to talk about my past to a man. Also, not to demonstrate lazyness, vices, or jealosy.

In short: hide your failures, disappointments and defects, and hope to god you fool them into thinking that they "love" you? GRRRREAT advice...

Naturally, I've always done the opposite. I hold a strong belief that love, if it is to happen, will prevail despite the defects, for the man must get to know your soul, and fall inlove with IT. The man who loves you should be happy with the fact that you're predictable to him, that he knows how you would respond in any situation. Every touch of your hand should be felt as a priviledge and a blessing. When you look into each others eyes, there should be a feeling of familiarity, of complete trust and reliance. Respect and appreciation.

So to answer the question... Games ultimately defeat the entire purpose of loving. I don't think love will ever happen to you if you must think "strategically" in order to get attention. It truly either happens or not. Someone either sees you for who you are and loves you for who you are, or not.

Listening to songs sometimes, I get an almost religious feeling of a universal truth being confirmed to me in simple and wise lyrics of artists, like Ray Baretto and Adalberto Santiago: (find this song and listen to it, it's quite beautiful)

La hipocresía y la falsedad
Al fín se descubriran
Este consejo te voy a dar
Traición trae la soledad

Hablando de la traición
Si sigues ese camino
Fallar sera tu destino
Triste y sin compación

No hay quien sea tan ciego
Como el que no quiere ver
Sin amigo y sin querer
Solo llega a viejo

Aprende bien a apreciar
El corazon que es sincero
Que vale mas que el dinero
Cuida la amistad

La hipocresía y la falsedad
Al fín se descubriran
Este consejo te voy a dar
Traición trae la soledad

I can attest. Heidi and Davey are like peanut butter and marshmallow fluff, which makes them a delicious couple. :p
Which would make me either the allergin or allergic to david. :hmm: :p
sounds nauseating. :barf:

I am glad to hear somebody is in love. :)
We're not lovey dovey or anything, but we mesh well. And, he gets along with all my friends so it's cool.

The trick is to let your relationship grow at its own pace, not trying to force it to happen faster than it would naturally.

Remember that song, "Unbelievable" by EMF? I have the CD, and the whole thing is really awesome. The last song is called, "Longtime", and this thread reminds me of it. I think it's about letting a relationship grow over time, rather than trying to make it happen fast. Here are the lyrics.

You come, you go
I see you, it snows
I see you, its fine
Let it happen slowly
You come, you go
You've got a life, and thats fine
But you're here, and you're mine
I haven't seen you in a long time

Gonna make it, gonna do it
Now its dark
Now its time
Gonna make it, gonna do it
Through the darkness you're mine

The way its going to happen
Its the way its going to go
Its the only way to do it
Its the only way I know

Just a thought: one can "strategize" about how best to reveal the truth, not just about how to mislead. Revealing all of your quirks and foibles before they're even relevant to the stage or relationship you're at might mean you never even get to show off your better features. Isn't that just as misrepresentative as trying to hide flaws?

With respect to how you represent your interest level in particular, I think playing "hard to get" is a form of deception and I've never appreciated it. On the other hand, a lot of people play "easy to get" when they don't really mean that either, and that's just as bad. If you want to spend time with someone, say so. If you don't, say so. Either way, try to be as straightforward and honest as you can about the reasons.

Playing hard-to-get becomes hard-on-to-get and if the dance goes on too long, it's not fair play. I enjoy "the chase" because I anticipate so much the prize but like I say I'm not going to play cat and mouse over some dippit girl that will keep at it for weeks. This has happened a couple of times and after a serious relationship behind me the game gets old pretty ****ing fast. If you like me be straight about it. I can only be sturng along so far. At least after the lessons I've learned.

A mature lady knows exactly what she wants with no beating around the proverbial bush. Girls my age have you running around the loony mulberry bush.

The trick is to let your relationship grow at its own pace, not trying to force it to happen faster than it would naturally.

Remember that song, "Unbelievable" by EMF? I have the CD, and the whole thing is really awesome. The last song is called, "Longtime", and this thread reminds me of it. I think it's about letting a relationship grow over time, rather than trying to make it happen fast. Here are the lyrics.

You come, you go
I see you, it snows
I see you, its fine
Let it happen slowly
You come, you go
You've got a life, and thats fine
But you're here, and you're mine
I haven't seen you in a long time

Gonna make it, gonna do it
Now its dark
Now its time
Gonna make it, gonna do it
Through the darkness you're mine

The way its going to happen
Its the way its going to go
Its the only way to do it
Its the only way I knowYou're quoting EMF? :eek7:

it's a good song!

You're Unbelievable. OHH!!

I think its better to play hard to get as it concerns sex in a relationship.
I play hard to get in the sense that there is no way I would sleep with you unless we were together for at least a year. However, to pretend as if I dont like you when I really do isnt my style.

I would say that it's reasonable to "play hard to get" at sex but from what I've read about you, you're not "playing" you seem to have real standards there instead of actually wanting it really badly yourself and just yanking someone's chain for the fun of it.



This is a great question.

You know how they say mothers know better? Well, my mother's advice to me was never to talk about my past to a man. Also, not to demonstrate lazyness, vices, or jealosy.

In short: hide your failures, disappointments and defects, and hope to god you fool them into thinking that they "love" you? GRRRREAT advice...


It doesn't sound like your mother had a very happy marriage. :hmm: That sounds a lot more like what guys go through, or at least me personally at certain points in my life. My ex made me feel like I had to be absolutely perfect at all times like that... it's just not me... it's just not 'human'.