I know that many people hold their own secrets about their personal life as do I. my secret is that i am on a medication that helps keep my mood from fluctuating every so often (although its really a low dose and not a major problem). the people that are closest to me (immediate family, very close friend) know about it and i feel closer to them as a result of having shared a part of my personal life with them. however, i am very scared to let my gf know about me in this capacity. I am afraid that she might view me differently, mostly in a negative respect. I am wondering what other people's experience are in this category. for people who are in relationships, or have been in one in the past, what is like to let your partner know about you in ways you generally do not share with people? I like to think of myself as strong-willed, confident, bright and I feel like this would totally shatter any image i once had with my gf.

I am comfortable with the fact that i am on medication, but i am not comfortable with the fact that i may be viewed differently as a result of this. frankly, i know that this is a barrier that i need to overcome (openning up to my partner), but how should i do it? how do you think she will react?

"...medication that keeps my mood from fluctuating ever so often.." what does that mean?
What kind of medication is it?
Depression medication? Schizophrenia medication? What?

Anyway, I guess it all depends what type of medication this really is and the extent to which you are dependent on this medication to maintain normal social behaviour.

I cant really predict how your girlfriend will react, however, I know I wouldnt be comfortable knowing that my partner was on medication of this kind.

I'm gonna take a wild stab and guess by "mood fluctuations" you mean BPD.
If so, regardless of how she may react, she needs to know, and if she doesn't know what it is, she needs to do some research so she can understand.

Although all cases are different, trying to sum it up by explaining it as "mood fluctuations" is like trying to explain the history of the world with "A lot of stuff happened. Some of it was good, and some of it was bad."

I know that many people hold their own secrets about their personal life as do I. my secret is that i am on a medication that helps keep my mood from fluctuating every so often (although its really a low dose and not a major problem). the people that are closest to me (immediate family, very close friend) know about it and i feel closer to them as a result of having shared a part of my personal life with them. however, i am very scared to let my gf know about me in this capacity. I am afraid that she might view me differently, mostly in a negative respect. I am wondering what other people's experience are in this category. for people who are in relationships, or have been in one in the past, what is like to let your partner know about you in ways you generally do not share with people? I like to think of myself as strong-willed, confident, bright and I feel like this would totally shatter any image i once had with my gf.

I am comfortable with the fact that i am on medication, but i am not comfortable with the fact that i may be viewed differently as a result of this. frankly, i know that this is a barrier that i need to overcome (openning up to my partner), but how should i do it? how do you think she will react?

The longer you wait yo tell her, the worse her response will be.

Her reaction is probably not gonna be:"oh, well ok. whatever", she's probably gonna drill down into the reasons for your mood swings, what being off medication results in, she's gonna want to know everything about it. And then she will reflect, talk to her friends, family. After that, she'll either find a way to let you go, or she'll just accept it because she likes you for who you are.

People with health problems tend to be discarded in relationships, be prepared. This I suppose is in our DNA - pick the healthies male/female for breeding.

Don't wait to tell her - she will have a very good excuse to get rid of you simply on the basis that you were hiding something so crucial for such a long time, i.e. deceiving her.

anyone who would judge you harshly over medication you need to function is not worth your time to begin with.

anyone who would judge you harshly over medication you need to function is not worth your time to begin with.

This brings up an interesting point. Sometimes health issues have irreversible - permanent consequences that might influence the partner to reconsider whether or not to stay in the relationship. For example, a severe case of chronic asthma affects performance. That is why I said, people may decide against staying with you because they will not be prepared to sacrifice certain needs.

In this case, I don't think it's a big deal, as many people suffer from depression or anxiety. But I know for a fact that Prozac has some pretty nasty side effects: insomnia, restlessness, nausea, tension headaches, fatigue, memory loss, and worst of all, reduced desire or delayed orgasm.

If you have these side effects, it can't be easy to keep a partner happy at all times. Plus, you are that much more vulnerable in case of rejection. I say be careful - deception might be the worst choice in the situation. If you're gonna get attached to someone, make sure they know who you are. It's not good to keep secrets anyway - the stress might worsen your condition.

agreed, however, most people deny their mental health issues and have poor relationship skills as a result. i think it's admirable that this person recognizes the issue, treats it and wants to be well.

I would be very offended if I were not told that up front that the person I was with had a mental illness.

Gawd forbid something would happen and he went off his meds and she was completely unprepared for the fallout.

You need to be honest with someone of about things like that. You never know. That person may have issues with having a long term relationship or having children with someone with a mental illness. To not tell them is deceptive. And if you would keep something that important away from someone, what else would you be willing to lie about?

anyone who would judge you harshly over medication you need to function is not worth your time to begin with.

Agreed.

I agree with Saison. I think, if she truly cares then it shouldn't be a problem. and if she decides that she can't deal with it, then you shouldn't be with her.
I'm on low doses of antidepressants and anxiolytics. They keep the edge off and my moods normal. If I'm NOT on them you can completely tell. It's important that she know so that she knows how to deal if something happens.
Sit her down, explain to her that you want to discuss something with her, but fear how she will react. Then, just spit it out. Let her know that if she has any questions that you're more than willing to respeond in kind by educating her and even providing resources. You're the same person you were before she knew you were on meds.
It's scary, but important.
If you're not ashamed of taking meds, then that should follow that you shouldn't fear how others will react. Be secure in yourself and the rest will follow.
I'm sorry that you've gotten such negative responses. I give you kudos for being brave enough to admit to an issue and deal with it accordingly. Sadly, in this country mental health still carries quite a stigma.
If you need anything feel free to PM. <3

Well you can't change who you are. So you have three options:

1. Lie about who you are
2. Be open and honest about who you are
3. Forgo dating all-together, on account of your unsuitability for breeding

Each one has it's obvious upsides and downsides. Option 1 is the easiest in the short term, but sooner or later you're gonna miss a pill, have a mood swing, and the shit's gonna hit the fan and you probably won't enjoy the results.

Option 2 is tougher in the short run because you face the very real possibility that she'll dump you right away, but better in the long run because once you find a girl who won't dump you right away, at least she'll be somewhat prepared for when you start experiencing your inevitable "mood fluctuations".

Option 3 is probably the hardest one overall, but at least you won't have to deal with the guilt of having passed on your genetic predisposition for craziness to your children. Let's face it, though: we're all a little crazy sometimes. Some of us are crazy all the damn time! (for examples, read the political forum) And very few people ever let that stop them from making babies.

People with health problems tend to be discarded in relationships, be prepared. This I suppose is in our DNA - pick the healthies male/female for breeding.

Sometimes. But this isn't really true because if it was, mental disorders would have been weeded out of existence by now from selective breeding. We all know that certainly isn't the case.

Don't wait to tell her - she will have a very good excuse to get rid of you simply on the basis that you were hiding something so crucial for such a long time, i.e. deceiving her.

Agreed. Tell her today.

Quite frankly, I think we are an over-medicated nation. Those who REALLY REALLY need to be on it aren't (britney) and those who suffer from the occasional blues get told by their doc to take this pill and call me in the morning. The poster did not say how long he's been in this relationship, the level of emotions, and if they are equal. I wouldn't dodge if a guy I was dating said he was on meds for depression or anxiety. I would try to advise him of some natural methods, and a change in his diet(I said advise not force or nag) Being on meds is not the end all be all, and people we come in contact with on a daily basis are taking them without you or I even knowing. HOWEVER bipolar, and multiple personality disorder is different. The wall would probably go up as quick as he revealed it.

This is oft hereditary, and can be dangerous once meds are stopped. It is also a CHRONIC ongoing condition.

Don't let our opinions discourage you, as there are many married bipolar people out there, who someone took a chance on. Wish you the best!:nice:

wow, I appreciate people's responses. yea, some of them are discouraging and this issue has definately been on my mind for the past few days. i'm not even sure why i just thought of it recently. to clarify my "problem" I would like to fill in the following details. What I suffer from is a fluctuating mood from happy to sad. I am not always in one of the those categories and additionally, they are not "extreme." i have been with this girl on and off before i was on these meds and she knows me from then. i decided to make my life a little bit easier by taking this med in order to feel more grounded from day to day instead of trying to control certain feelings that i have no control over. i think it is partially hereditary b/c my mother takes the same thing. i think its very scary to admit something like this. especially, when the category of the drug (antipsychotic) sounds like anyone taking it is a crazy person. The truth is that i'm not crazy and this is something that smoothens out the edges and something that is used from "minor" bipolar. my real fear is that she will view me differently just b/c of the category of the drug. i want to tell her about myself so i can stop fearing it every time i see her, but i don't know how to break it down (i dont want it to sound more serious that it is). any advice on how to do this?

Sometimes. But this isn't really true because if it was, mental disorders would have been weeded out of existence by now from selective breeding. We all know that certainly isn't the case.

I said "People with health problems TEND to be discarded". I did not say EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM is ALWAYS discarded.

Nit picking.:P

As for braking it down to her, goldenmed... There's no two ways about it. There is only one truth. As long as you keep your calm and confidence, and tie in your feelings for her, she will probly be fine with it. Just don't cry, don't break down in front of her. You have to teach her about this problem - so it has to be a serious conversation, preferably away from every possible worldly distraction. A weekend gataway perhaps? You have to show her that you care for her and that ultimately - that you will be allright. Learn some statistics, give her the modern medical outlook, something that makes total sense, and makes the problem seem less obscure.

As someone whose S/O is bipolar, I kind of knew already, just by being with him over a period of time, that he had depressions and mood swings. I encouraged him to get a medical diagnosis, and if needed, medication. If you care for someone, this will not make one bit of difference in the way you view that person. They are not "crazy", they only have a chronic condition, like diabetes, which will most likely need medication for the rest of their lives, but it is manageable. If you are considering a committed relationship with your GF, yes, she needs to know about your meds, and what they're for. Anyone who would totally discard a good relationship because their S/O is on meds for a mental condition isn't worth your while anyway. If she can't handle the idea, you need to know before you risk any more emotional attachment for yourself. I wish you the best.

goldenmed11, just tell her already and stop trying to think of ways to "soften the blow".

well guys, i told her 2 nights ago. i think it went very well b/c we are still together. i asked her first about her family history (generally) and then it gave me a basis to speak about mine and then myself. thank you for all of you advice. i'm glad to know that my "darkest" secret is exposed and i can finally live in peace without thinking about it all the time. best of luck to anyone with the same dilemma!

well guys, i told her 2 nights ago. i think it went very well b/c we are still together. i asked her first about her family history (generally) and then it gave me a basis to speak about mine and then myself. thank you for all of you advice. i'm glad to know that my "darkest" secret is exposed and i can finally live in peace without thinking about it all the time. best of luck to anyone with the same dilemma!

This is wonderful news, and I'm happy for you. I'm sure it's a real "load off", so to speak. Great!

I would be very offended if I were not told that up front that the person I was with had a mental illness.

Gawd forbid something would happen and he went off his meds and she was completely unprepared for the fallout.

You need to be honest with someone of about things like that. You never know. That person may have issues with having a long term relationship or having children with someone with a mental illness. To not tell them is deceptive. And if you would keep something that important away from someone, what else would you be willing to lie about?

I don't think they are living together just yet. And, at what point do you hand over your medical records, high-school grades, and diary to your partners? I'm not saying this should be kept a secret, however I think it falls into the category of nobody's business unless they are intimate.

I dont know about handing over but I do know that serious medical conditions should be communicated sooner rather than later.
Medical records are definitely not in the same category as transcripts and diaries.

I don't think they are living together just yet. And, at what point do you hand over your medical records, high-school grades, and diary to your partners? I'm not saying this should be kept a secret, however I think it falls into the category of nobody's business unless they are intimate.

As I understood it, the OP was interested in working towards a more exclusive and committed relationship with the S/O, at which point it should be addressed.

Diagnosed mental disorders have a high probability of becoming an issue in a relationship; that makes it her business. High school grades do not; that makes them nobody's business.

Diagnosed mental disorders have a high probability of becoming an issue in a relationship; that makes it her business. High school grades do not; that makes them nobody's business.

Colleges seem to think that how you perform in high school will provide a fairly substantive insight into how you will perform as an individual in our society. You don't think knowing how good of a provider you'll be would be important? Should it just be the medications, or should the family history come out too?

Mind you, I believe strongly in intimacy and sharing, and I think there is a time for this to come out. But the responder said "up front" and I think that's a lot to ask for up front.

Colleges have an interest in your high school grades because they need to know whether or not you're prepared enough to pass any of their classes. Putting someone with bad high school grades into a really challenging school would be a waste of everyone's time, because the student would inevitably fail.

A romantic partner has an interest in your general performance as a human being, which includes your financial status, but this can be learned by outward factors, such as whether or not you have a job that you go to every day. If you're unemployed and broke, good luck hiding that from a woman! :rofl:

Colleges have an interest in your high school grades because they need to know whether or not you're prepared enough to pass any of their classes. Putting someone with bad high school grades into a really challenging school would be a waste of everyone's time, because the student would inevitably fail.

A romantic partner has an interest in your general performance as a human being, which includes your financial status, but this can be learned by outward factors, such as whether or not you have a job that you go to every day. If you're unemployed and broke, good luck hiding that from a woman! :rofl:

No one is unemployed and broke, they are between jobs and in a brief hard spot. And women know they can fix those guys... of course, if they had a credit report in their hands they could quickly ascertain that this was not a bad moment in time, but a bad investment of their time :).

No one is unemployed and broke, they are between jobs and in a brief hard spot. And women know they can fix those guys... of course, if they had a credit report in their hands they could quickly ascertain that this was not a bad moment in time, but a bad investment of their time :).

Maybe women with lowered expectations know they can fix these guys. Women with higher expectations know they can do better.