Ok, so I may be entering a long distance relationship with my move ... any advice on the situation anyone been in one ... I have normally been against them myself, but I really care for this man and I want to try to make it work ... and he does too... but we have chosen to not discuss it too much and as my sig says ... "see the forest for its trees and cross that bridge when we get there" hmmm anyone have any comments?

HOw is this working? Is someone you were dating moving away for a while?
Are they comming back in the foreseeable future?

I dated my wife for a couple years and then my parents moved me to florida.
I was in the long distance thing for a year before I had enough of that and I left my mom and dad's place and moved back to illinois, living in a pretty gross cockroach infested house with a bunch of other musicians while I finished highschool.
That was interesting.

The long distance thing SUCKS, and I dont recommend it unless you really think there will come a time when you two will actually be living within a reasonable distance from one another.

Unless this is for the short term, it will only end up causing you and your SO problems.

Long-distance relationships fail, given enough time. Waiting until the last minute will deprive you of the time you need to ponder out a good solution. You can do the frequent-flyer-miles route, the holidays-together route, the I'll-move-out-there-to-be-with-you route, the phone-sex route; so many different ways to go. Or you can just break up. Just don't waste time not thinking about it. That's how bad things happen.

Good point. Unless there are specific plans it is just going to be something that exists between dating with the locals. Seeing the forest for its trees is pretty weak. It sounds like the motivation is not strong. The objective should be cutting a path throught the trees. And unless a bridge is erected, there will not be one to cross. Erected. LOL ;)

I say forget it.
It is not worth the trouble/heartache.
Especially if your just getting into a relationship.

I was together with my ex for a year and half before she moved away to college. We were absolutely in love, we spent every single day together, and never fought. Within 6 months, we slowly started to tear apart.

I will never ever ever do a LDR again.
What is the point of a relationship if you can't be together.
Perhaps my advice is jaded by my own bad personal experience.
However thinking about it... I don't really know anyone that an LDR actually worked out for. They start out fine... then collapse.

-AE (But hey... your not going to listen to what we have to say anyways, cause well... your in love... and thats when all common sense goes out the window.)

Originally posted by Aesir
-AE (But hey... your not going to listen to what we have to say anyways, cause well... your in love... and thats when all common sense goes out the window.)

PP has already admitted that she and he don't talk about it much....a sure fire indication that things are not going to work out in the long term. Avoiding the issue rarely improves the situation.

Originally posted by DngrMse


PP has already admitted that she and he don't talk about it much....a sure fire indication that things are not going to work out in the long term. Avoiding the issue rarely improves the situation.

Wise words, wise words!

Also, barring something unavoidable and/or military related, the fact that you'd be willing to move away from this person shows a lack of a long term bond. If you're going to commit to staying with them, you commit to staying with them, if you know what I mean.

if you both decide not to date other people, then it works out fine.
if you want someone else to come by and knock your socks every once in a while, then it's going ot be a problem.
the issue with long distance relationships is if you or he wants to date someone else - regardless if it's a "oh i just met them and i have this attraction to them i can't ignore" or "i just need sex" or whatever, if you meet someone else you feel like pursuing, then it's dead. if you don't, then it's fine.
i however woiuld agree with whoever said all the smart stuff earlier.

Thank you for all the wonderful words of advice you guys and I am not in love with this guy and he is not in love with me, but we have a strong bond and we talk about the future a lot together. I am not sure what is going to happen, we have 3 weeks left together.

In response to wanting to stay together, I have exhausted everyoption of staying in California and we have discussed this only being for a short while until we can meet up again soon. But Soon is such a vauge word that I have used on my part. I do agree that we should talk about it more, but I do not feel like endouring the pain that talking about it brings you know.

Thank you for the words and I will take EVERYONE'S advice to heart and think long and hard about this before doing anything.

i met my boyfriend in march of senior year (highschool) and we spent the whole summer together, and fell in love, and then september he went off to college. It was sooo hard.

I hated being left, and he was adjusting to be away from home, away from me, and was also loving all the freedom to party and not deal with parents.

His school is only 90 minutes away, and he would come home every few weeks, cuz i didnt have a car. Then i got a car, and i'd go up to see him more often. We've always had pretty decent fone bills.... but the best thing was that we both have computers.
With programs like icq, we could leave little notes at any time, or with yahoo messenger we could actually see each other.

The reason why it worked out, was because we took everything one day at at time, and because we knew we'd be home together over the summer vacations.
(last summer, i went away for the summer though, and we just adjusted)

another reason it worked out, is because i'm not the kind of person who doesnt think a fight cant be resolved. So, i was pretty tenacious, because i thought we were worth it.

but if you dont think this could be love, .....
or if you think that rewards wont outweigh the hassles, then it isnt worth it in the long run. You wouldnt want to just cause more trouble for you, and a long distance relationship is definitely trouble. ;)

Long distance relationships suck.

That's all.

Best thing to do, imo: Go your seperate ways. When you meet back up, see if you want to go for a relationship.

I am not in love now ... for me love takes a lot of time ... but I could see myself being in love with him and I could see us having a family together. But I have many options lying infront of me... just have to chose the best one.

Originally posted by PissyPrincess
I am not in love now ... for me love takes a lot of time ... but I could see myself being in love with him and I could see us having a family together. But I have many options lying infront of me... just have to chose the best one.

it's a lot of work to be in a long distance relationship. If you are already thinking you have so many options ahead, then this one isnt the appropiate choice. I mean, imagine, how many options you will notice later on, if you have so many already? A relationship isnt meant to hold you back. If you are really serious about him, take some time, and take some space, and still keep in touch too. (not staying with him now, doesnt have to be losing him forever.)

that's what i am thinking now. I just dont know where life is going to take either of us.

The woman I eventually married was my pen pal. We actually lived in different countries for several years. After we were married things were good at first though the marriage didnt last. Later on I met a young lady online in a chat room. We were pretty serious but it failed mainly because she lived in another state and I could only see her twice a year.

:topic: I actually met my boyfriend first on a channel on irc... but it turned out he only lived one town over. ;) (like 15 minutes away)

Break up with him, find a nice, rich texan;)

Originally posted by mayaneagle
Break up with him, find a nice, rich texan;)

does the texan live 15 minutes away from me? The only way i can do a long distance relationship is if i know the end of our separation is foreseeable.
(if i know we'll be spending winter break and summer break not far apart for example.)

I had a long distance for all of about ohhhhhhh 5 days...it just didnt last...not being able to be with him and all, plus I loved him but wasnt IN love with him, and distance for me DIDNT make my heart grow fonder...I dont think I could go through with it unless I was deeply in love and had a long history with this person...a steady and stable one.....

OK, that's it I'm proposing!!!!!!!!!!








































Rayne will you marry me?

*Grabs a box of tissues*

I thought youd never ask!!!

Oh wait.....is Miss Misery going to read this?!

PP- you know my story and you know that it doesnt work. No matter how many times he drives from irvine to see you or how many times you drive to irvine to see him (oops a little personal there). Im in the same situation you are and im still contemplating what to do. while you are moving out of state im onlly moving 6 hours away but its the same. I know chris means alot to you but the fact that you say you dont love him now is not going to help you at all. If you loved him now I would say its possible but you said neither of you are in love with each other. My question here is what is there to keep you both together then? without love what keeps people together????????

Yeah, I'm with her. No love, no point.

I think it depends on the people involved. If you really want the relationship to work, you have to really work hard. Trust would be a key factor in all of this. You both have to be honest about your feelings - I know you said you were not in love, but somethings there that's making you think about the possibility.

It takes 2 to make any relationship work. How much are you willing to give?

Originally posted by illianna1782
PP- you know my story and you know that it doesnt work. No matter how many times he drives from irvine to see you or how many times you drive to irvine to see him (oops a little personal there). Im in the same situation you are and im still contemplating what to do. while you are moving out of state im onlly moving 6 hours away but its the same. I know chris means alot to you but the fact that you say you dont love him now is not going to help you at all. If you loved him now I would say its possible but you said neither of you are in love with each other. My question here is what is there to keep you both together then? without love what keeps people together????????

It takes a lot for people to fall in love, and i have love for him ... it's taken me a few days to realize that i do love him, but i am scared to tell him, scared to loose him, scared as all hell to leave him.

and I am willing to give it all

Well then bite the bullet. Stay. its hardly gonna work when your in texas so the best thing to do is stay. Thats my advicce. That and you may want to rebuild a few bridges ya neva know when the road is gonna double back over em.

Originally posted by PissyPrincess


It takes a lot for people to fall in love, and i have love for him ... it's taken me a few days to realize that i do love him, but i am scared to tell him, scared to loose him, scared as all hell to leave him.

and I am willing to give it all

Good for you PP!!! Just a thought - he may be scared to tell you too!

gonna tell him anyways i love the bastard and he needs to know it

wooow, how cool! :)

(i dont know if i would've let myself realize i loved pat, if he hadnt told me he loved me from nearly the beginning.... I would've just really, really, really, totally liked him, and just never called it love probably.)

I am tired of hiding feelings ... i am gonna tell him tonight any way i have to

Hiope it went well and you got the response you desired

UMMMM well I was um ... hope Qtr doesnt read this ... drunk last night since i found out due to the fire i could not get into town... so he doesn't know yet. but i will let you all know when he does :)