I seem to have found my way into a semi-dark place. I believe I may be addicted to the feeling I gain from understanding and love. Somehow I have convinced myself that without this feeling that I am on the wrong path. Convinced that I am alone in this journey, because really, no one else can do this for me, I have wandered onto a dark place where loneliness and misunderstanding reign.

Possibly this isnt the case at all. Maybe I am feeling this way due to my reading of the Ramayana and the Gita. I feel horribly underequipped and preoccupied with myself and the world around me. I pale in comparison to these others who have walked the road before me. I can never be a Rama or an Arjuna. I can never be a Sita or a Draupadi. I can only be a Marie, one who has been here many lifetimes before and will be for sometime in the future.

Maybe I am putting this in all the wrong context. I just see that I am here, the knowledge is here, the love is here, but emptiness seems to dwell in my heart sometimes...love lacking for myself. Love for Self. Love for others. Certainly. Maybe the time to be selfish is here.

I don't know. I'm just feeling a bit out of sorts. I know that its all a matter of how I view things. Understanding things in the big picture is how I've been. Maybe its time to look at the small picture too.

I dont know.