well when you are dating someone who should pay... guy or girl.... me presonaly i won't let my girl pay for ne thing, I honestly hate it when you are dating a girl and she pays for something...

what do you guys think..

LOOK AT THAT WHEN I VOTED IT WAS 100% ALL FOR 50/50... Maybe thats a hint lol... come on just let me pay for things its not that big of a deal, i dont understand why i cant pay for things... Girls help me out, When a guy and a girl first get together you exspect them to pay pretty much but as a relationship goes on then girls can start to pay for things to right?? Grr i just wanna pay lol

I feel like a freakin' moocher when a guy pays for me. It pisses me off, and I try to argue my way into paying but it doesn't work. Maybe I should argue more, who knows?

Honestly, it depends on how much I like her. The more I like her, the less she pays for stuff.

When I went on dates, the guy always paid. Either way it was fine with me, because I always had my "mad money" :D

when we first went out my bf would pay a lot, cuz i didnt have any money... i was 17, it's easy to be broke at that age. Now i tend to pay well nearly all the time, because i make more money and have less bills... and if i want to go out, then i will use my own money to do that.

i like to go out a lot, i wouldnt expect pat to pay for all that... especially when i KNOW he is happy just staying home, and he's just going out cuz I want to go out.

i think i wont be able to go back to not paying for myself.

Oh and ya know, if i go out with a guy friend and he wants to pay... then i let him. ;) it's like going ona date and not having to pay, and not having to deal with relationship stuff either cuz they are just friends. --but i do try to pay back in another way, like at a movie I'll get the soda's, or do friend stuff that show i appreciate them..... ............paying for me. :D

I personally prefer to go 50/50 b/c the way I see is we are both young and have things to pay for and why just b/c we are dating should I add another bill so to speak

It's always been my belief that the dude has to pay. I'm old-fashioned like that. Once you've been dating the same girl for a while, then you can let her chip in. But when you are first dating, fork over the cash.

Guy pays, end of story.

Brad

A guy should definitely pay on a first date -- no questions asked. I actually think that guys should pay for most dates until the couple decides they're exclusive. After that it's time for the girl to start kicking in some cash.

i picked 50/50 which i assume is going dutch. however that is NOT the answer i wanted. i would like my answer to be whoever asked who out should pay. if i ask my boyfriend to go to a movie or that cute guy who is folding clothes in hot topic then i would pay but if he asks me then i think he should pay.

Originally posted by Allegra
A guy should definitely pay on a first date -- no questions asked.
I disagree. Whoever asks the other for the date should pay. I've been asked out, she paid, and that's the way I think it should be. I always pay when I'm the "persuer" though.

Originally posted by igofast

Whoever asks the other for the date should pay. I've been asked out, she paid, and that's the way I think it should be. I always pay when I'm the "persuer" though.

Okay, you're right. I stand corrected.

Originally posted by igofast

Whoever asks the other for the date should pay. I've been asked out, she paid, and that's the way I think it should be. I always pay when I'm the "persuer" though.

I will agree with that. :)

the guy should pay -- most of the time -- and here's why.

it's a man's job to take care of his gal -- to protect her, to cherish her, to lavish her with as much attention as he can possibly give. When he marries her it's his job to listen to her talk about her day when he gets home. And to volunteer to help her with household chores -- especially if she's a working woman.

now, here's the tough part -- most married women are forced into doing the bills for their home. This gives them unwanted stress that they take on because their husbands are too lazy and unwilling to help out. it shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to take care of those bills, it should be the man's, to take care of his gal -- to provide for her, to promote a healthy living space, etc. i'm not saying he has to make more money than her because in some situations in this day and age that might not be possible. but he needs to pay the bills and take care of her, and manage their finances together with her.

Starting off with her paying for everything can be a danger sign that illustrates his limpness on down the road.

you just had to bring limpness into this didn't you stef?

Stef Would be right if this were still the 50's, and I wish it still were sometimes. ;)

But my feelling on this matter nowadays is that if womyn want 100% equality then they can pay for half the gear.

When Heather & I were dating I paid for everything for a while, then I got broke and stuff.. and if she wanted to go out she had to pay for stuff.
then I married her and now she stays home and depending on the way you look at it we split everything equally, or I payfor everything. ;)

And of course Stef had to also mention bill paying.. due to my sudden outpouring of cash this month my wife has decided it would be better for her to take over the money mangment issues in our home.. :P

Stef, never talk about any of this stuff with my wife please.. oh.. and she wants to know why you never called her when I was in New York.


J

Originally posted by RightWingZealot
But my feelling on this matter nowadays is that if womyn want 100% equality then they can pay for half the gear.

and that would be nice if this were the 60s. but it ain't. and most of the women i speak to these days would rather that much of the women's lib thing didn't happen. i mean, look, the economy changed and now most women don't choose to work -- they have to. besides, since when does "equality" = who pays for what?


And of course Stef had to also mention bill paying.. due to my sudden outpouring of cash this month my wife has decided it would be better for her to take over the money mangment issues in our home.. :P

sorry, being a man has to do with taking the responsibility of your home and not laying the heavy burden on your wife's shoulders to stress her out. you're blowing it there.


Stef, never talk about any of this stuff with my wife please.. oh.. and she wants to know why you never called her when I was in New York.

this is like one of those old "Choose Your Own Adventure" books. i could say anything at this point, and they'd all be bad. Think i'll just leave it alone.

Originally posted by Miss Misery
I feel like a freakin' moocher when a guy pays for me. It pisses me off, and I try to argue my way into paying but it doesn't work. Maybe I should argue more, who knows?

I feel like a moocher too, but I've gone everytime I offered to split bills I wound up paying for everything by the end of the month. No, thank you. I like chivalry, dead as it may be.

As a matter of courtesy and my chivalric attitude, I always paid for movies, dinner, etc. I also refused the first offer for dutch or for her treat, but let her if she repeated the offer or was insistent.

So, if we went out, I paid for the dinner and movie, If afterward she wanted to treat for ice cream, that'd be fine with me.

Originally posted by stef
the guy should pay -- most of the time -- and here's why.

it's a man's job to take care of his gal -- to protect her, to cherish her, to lavish her with as much attention as he can possibly give. When he marries her it's his job to listen to her talk about her day when he gets home. And to volunteer to help her with household chores -- especially if she's a working woman.
This is an old fashioned perspective that I mostly relate to. But you're making a blanket statement. This doesn't work for everyone, not everyone relates to money and other things in a relationship the same way, so different models are appropriate. I would hardly say that not following your advice makes a husband limp by definition.

I paid most of the time when dating/going out, but not all. As it is, the GF and I pretty much go 50/50 on everything. If the issue of "who pays" comes up when the tab is given, and I want to, but she insist, I threaten to leave a $20. tip --this irks the GF to no end.

It all works out. It is nice though to be dating someone that has the means to at least offer.

when we go out, she'd better pay for everything. i'm sorry, but as an escort, you're paying for me to go out with you int he first place, and i'll be damned if i have to pay for anything for that! that's money out of MY pocket, and my pim... er employer, really dislikes that kinda stuff.
but if i really like her, i let her get a few things for free (wink wink nudge nudge) :cool:

Originally posted by stef
the guy should pay -- most of the time -- and here's why.

it's a man's job to take care of his gal -- to protect her, to cherish her, to lavish her with as much attention as he can possibly give. When he marries her it's his job to listen to her talk about her day when he gets home. And to volunteer to help her with household chores -- especially if she's a working woman.

now, here's the tough part -- most married women are forced into doing the bills for their home. This gives them unwanted stress that they take on because their husbands are too lazy and unwilling to help out. it shouldn't be the woman's responsibility to take care of those bills, it should be the man's, to take care of his gal -- to provide for her, to promote a healthy living space, etc. i'm not saying he has to make more money than her because in some situations in this day and age that might not be possible. but he needs to pay the bills and take care of her, and manage their finances together with her.

Starting off with her paying for everything can be a danger sign that illustrates his limpness on down the road.


OMG! Where were you when I was looking for a husband!? LOL


Seriously - waaaayyyy back in the day when I was dating, I never paid for anything. That's the way it was.

Now, when my husband and I go out, whoever happens to have the most cash on hand pays. Unless it's something that I insist on doing (like going to the track, 'cuz he hates to go there), then I'll pay for everything except his beer/liquor.

Originally posted by stef
the guy should pay -- most of the time -- and here's why.

it's a man's job to take care of his gal -- to protect her, to cherish her, to lavish her with as much attention as he can possibly give. When he marries her it's his job to listen to her talk about her day when he gets home. And to volunteer to help her with household chores -- especially if she's a working woman.


And you stepped through which century? I'm not a femanazi, but I find your observations a tad antiquated. ;)

>sorry, being a man has to do with taking the responsibility of your home and not laying the heavy burden on your wife's shoulders to stress her out. you're blowing it there.<

actually I don't think I'm blowing it there. See.. I know you and I know me.. and I know we both own recording studios and that they are expensive. ;)
and it is far easier to smuggle things into the house like ohh.. let say .. a new Tube Microphone.. when WE are controling the cash flow. Had the little wifey been controling the old cashflow it wouldnt have been so easy for your to buy the mic, or for me to buy all that new drum stuff and taht stupid stupid stupid metronome that yells "ONE TWO THREE FOUR!"

I just realize that my wife is honestly better at dealing with money than I am casue well.. im like a big kid still. ;)

I blew 2500 bucks in 3 days. She made 150 bucks last almost 3 weeks and that includes the groceries she bought.
now THAT is a good woman.

For that reason my wife is more than willing to take on the responsiblity of managing the $$. In fact when I mentioned it she grinned from ear to ear. sorta like this:



:D

as for the equality stuff.. well I was mostly kidding. I dont think that in this day and age it is a mans responsibility to pay for everything when they date, but that it is something I would do if I were dating again.

RWZ

Usually its the person who does the asking out. If people are on "friendship dates" it should be dutch treat. If you know someone for a while and are seriously dating then its dutch as well.

I think this was touched on ealier too but i feel like i am mooching off of him and that just shouldn't be

When someone takes you out it because they care and they wanna do someting nice for you... So why cant a girl take a guy out, show them they care ( not that girls are not always showing it in other ways! ) but still i do feel like im usless when he is paying all the time i have never dated anyone who DEMANDS! they pay for everything.. I mean sure its nice and all its not that i dont appreachate but i feel like i should be doing the same thing for him.. after all its him who says " I belive in equal opurtunites" What does that only applie when i touch ur upper body?? lol
I just need some of u guys to tell him that he is not a bad guy if i take him out once and a while. and i get to pay for the 5$ movie we rented and that kinda stuff i mean i dont get to pay for anything!!! GRRRR

Fugly..
your nota bad guy if you let your lady treat ya once in a while.
take the money you woulda spent on her and put it away for a nice engagement ring.

;)

or if your too young for that a nice friendship bracelet..

do kids still buy those things for each other?

im so old.

but not as old as Stef.

RWZ

Thanks rightwing! But yah im thinking he wont listen, but he really should eh.
hehe and yah tell him to buy my jewlery that will make me feel better lol not! I dont want him to buy me stuff speialy things like that lol! :D

Haha But that sure was some great adivce! ;) lol Thanks again!

My husband used to scrounge when we went out, before marriage and sometimes after. It's totally illogical. I make big bucks, I pay, okay? You broke college student. Stick machoism in jar until graduation. Thank you.


:p

when my girl is with me she doesn't have to spend a cent.. i dunno i hate when a girl pays.. i just can't stand it.. i dunno i guess i'm just strange that way...

it's because paying = power, it really does. it feels good to provide, to be strong, to show affection by treating for the meal. not that when someone pays they automatically have power OVER the other...hmm well maybe they do.

I feel mooch-like too, to be honest so thats why I picked 50/50, even though in my situation right now I dont pay for anything really.

When my bf and I started dating he was just getting started on his new career path (after 10 years in Army) as a bricklayer. Because of this he had very little cash flow but all the same he started dating me. I paid for a lot of stuff back then (2 years now) and that was fine.

He has told me it made him feel inadequate and less of a man to have his gf have to pay for stuff but that thought never crossed my mind.

When he got a little steadier with his business we usually went dutch or whatever...it was easy going, we both had cash so it didnt matter who treated who.

In the last 6 months I quit my job and went back to study....thus ending my cash flow. Im as broke as anyone can be and up to my eyes (AT LEAST) in debt - therefore boyfey pays for literally everything. He doesnt appear to mind though and looks as if he relishes in providing for me LMAO!

So for us its kind of a circular thing I guess...whoever has the money pays.

well i AM dutch, so......... :D


but it depends a bit. Last weekend my girl paid for our nice lunch, but she used her CC, which her parents end up paying. She pays for a lot of her stuff though. And sometimes I do. It doesnt matter much, but she feels better that way.

Originally posted by buggy

And you stepped through which century? I'm not a femanazi, but I find your observations a tad antiquated. ;)

antiquated compared to...? ...the cave man dragging his cave woman around by the hair, you mean? ...or the Vikings kidnapping the most beautiful women from every country they can find beautiful women in?

if you're going to talk about something being old fashioned, why do we only compare to 1950s Americana? why not the fact that even today women are treated as slaves in some places in the world?

i'm not saying pay for the woman to demean her. or to even hold power over her. i'm saying it's your responsibility to love her. and often enough, especially in modern day america, i see men that love their jobs, hobbies, money and drug of choice more than their families or wives.

paying for her (and in my mind, especially doing the bills for her) is just one more extension of loving her and making her day easier.

if she starts to feel like you're paying too much or being controlling in the way you take care of the money, by all means, let her help out where she can. but in my old fashioned ways, i only have the best for her in mind in taking care of her right from the beginning -- and illustrating this by paying.

Originally posted by Succubus
it's because paying = power, it really does. it feels good to provide, to be strong, to show affection by treating for the meal. not that when someone pays they automatically have power OVER the other...hmm well maybe they do.

hey, it worked for Richard on Survivor! :)

i believe that it should be 50-50 and yet somehow no woman has ever wanted to go on a date with me. weird, eh?

and what would same sex couples decide who would pay

Originally posted by IFF


and what would same sex couples decide who would pay

Good question..perhaps the one that takes on the male role..or the one with the most money!

I've always felt that whoever asks should pay.

On the first date with my wife, I asked. When the bill came, I paid.

When she asked me out for a second date, she flipped the bill and I thought that was cool.

The most unbelivable thing happened the other night me and my bf went out for supper it was not planned it kinda just happened and when the bill came i picked it up and said i was paying for it, he said no a few times and then i asked very very nicely if i could pay and HE LET ME! it was great but mind you we went to boston pizza and Yah we all know how much that costs a hole lot of nothing lol but he still let me pay i was super excited lol
Anyways everyone give him around of aplause YAY!
:D

I don't mind my guy paying some of the time, but I like to pay too sometimes. We basically have a rule now who ever touches the check last pays! :)

GOOD RULE! I think that will come into effect here right away!

In a perfect world it would be 50/50.

However, despite women's entry into the work place, many of them still feel that the man should pay not only because it's tradition, but because women have to invest more time and money getting ready for said date.

Clothes, shoes, make-up and even haircuts cost a lot more for a lady than a man.

Also, factor in any waxing/bleaching/shaving/plucking that needs to be done-- a lot more time for them.

Generally 50/50 comes later in a relationship.

Generally, the only time the girl pays is when it's somebody you wouldn't normally go out with, but you don't have anything to do.

I don't think either of you should pay for everything all the time. If you take her to dinner, maybe she can pay for drinks later or the movies. I don't think you should go dutch on a date but try to be equal about your spending on different occasions.

ok well here is something.. well my gf doesn't drive yet.. so I drive to see her a few times a week it all depends on work how much i see her.. but ne ways it is about a 20 min drive both ways... and i really don't mind it's not that far at all. but she wants to give me gas money.. and i don't think I should take it because, why would she pay for my gas to go see her?? i don't get it... what would you guys out there do???

Originally posted by Mr. Fugly
ok well here is something.. well my gf doesn't drive yet.. so I drive to see her a few times a week it all depends on work how much i see her.. but ne ways it is about a 20 min drive both ways... and i really don't mind it's not that far at all. but she wants to give me gas money.. and i don't think I should take it because, why would she pay for my gas to go see her?? i don't get it... what would you guys out there do???

If she's willing to help out with the gas expenses let her, that's more trips you can make to see her!:)

This is an interesting question. See, when I was y'alls' age, I practically depended on females to pay for everything... my food, my clothes, my car, whatever I could get out of them... but NOW, it kills me to let someone else pick up the check. They say that food tastes better when somebody else buys it, but I don't think so anymore. I would rather give, than receive. (unless it's "the sex...LOL...just kidding, I'd rather give there, too)

Yah baby the more trips to come and see me... Ok since he put in here about the gas money i have a guestion too...
K he buys me my everything, before he buys it he says i can pay him back and then he wont let me for ex. Alcohol he buys me that and then wont let me pay him back, like supper is one thing but something is strickly for me well not strickly but he didnt drink any of of, dont you think i should pay him back?? i sure do think i should!!!!

just buy the alcohol next time around, if you are old enough.
if not then give him the money and let him buy it the next time around *shrug*

but to pay him back for that specifically,... it isnt really about the money, it's more about the idea of sharing what ya have.

I like when a guy will pay for things...but usually I'll pay once, he'll pay the next time, and we take turns. It's a lot easier than trying to split the bill, and it's a nice treat for the other person.

I agree i like it and all it is nice of him and it is a treat, but even if he doesnt like it, someone paying for him is a treat to but he just wont let me. Oh well maybe once and a while ill be able to pay, and no matter what he thinks he is getting gas money from me.

Yeah, guys and girls.....