I need some advice about what to do about a friend of mine. Her life is a mess right now; in fact, her life has always been a mess. It's like its just one crisis after another.

I met her in high school, about two years ago, I know that isn't really very long, but we are pretty good friends.
She's bipolar and has dissasociative personality disorder (i'm not sure if that's the exact name, but basically it means she has multiple personalities). She's never gotten along well with her parents; they were verbally and physically abusive to her.
They kicked her out of the house when she was 17, and she's been living on welfare until she finishes school. She was suposed to graduate this month.
She got thown off welfare last week and has already been evicted.
To top it all off she says she's pregnant (She has lied about being pregnant before, so I don't even know if I belive her). The father is her former fiance, whom she no longer speaks with. She says she has no intention of telling him about the baby. She hasn't made any plans about what to do with this child; she hasn't tried looking for a job. She's being totally irresponsible like she always has been. She expects someone to just waltz by and fix her life for her.
I'd love to help her, but I just lost my job so I don't have the money to take care of both of us.
I just don't know what to do. Is she a lost cause? I hate the thought of her winding up on the streets, or worse . . .

I know it hurts to think this, but she isn't your responsibility. You can not let her problems drag you down as well. You can try to help her to get help, but you can not let her become dependant on you.

How on Earth do you get thrown off of welfare?

The government up here has been cutting back social funding, so alot of people are getting kicked off welfare . . . . its really bad becuase there aren't really any jobs here either . . .

and thanks for the advice
:)

I have a simmilar thing going on... but I am the friend who is going through the **** ... I just ask my friends to listen to me ... not take care of me ... my suggestion ... be her friend not her mom ... listen but dont try to help her ... it sounds ****ty but that is what I expect of them.

thanks, and I hope that everything that's going on in your life gets better
:)

Thanks ... it's not but it hopefully will eventually ... hope you can get things set straight with your firend it can be hard, but maybe the end result will have to be getting rid of her

Originally posted by karma
I know it hurts to think this, but she isn't your responsibility. You can not let her problems drag you down as well. You can try to help her to get help, but you can not let her become dependant on you.

I have to agree with Karma here..

You cannot surround yourself with negativity that you CANNOT control. Do what you can, tell her you will help if possible, but don't dwell on things you will never be able to change.

i agree. i heard a quote once: "You become like those you associate yourself with." While it's not 100% true in every instance, over the years i've seen it displayed in the lives of many people, especially those under 25 (SORRY, no age bias intended, just an observation).

you cannot allow yourself to associate with negativity. It will hurt you in the end. If your help is there to give her a way to change the wrong actions she has taken over the years, that would be one thing. Supporting her downward spiral is a separate issue.

Take care of yourself first, and if you feel she is bringing you down you must separate yourself from her.

Originally posted by PissyPrincess
Thanks ... it's not but it hopefully will eventually ... hope you can get things set straight with your firend it can be hard, but maybe the end result will have to be getting rid of her

I'm sure it wasn't meant to mean anything bad, but I was just reminded of how unfortunate of a society we live in where we have the "end result will have to be getting rid of her". So cold and impersonal. But I'd do it. These folks are more than I can handle.

Originally posted by wingnut


I'm sure it wasn't meant to mean anything bad, but I was just reminded of how unfortunate of a society we live in where we have the "end result will have to be getting rid of her". So cold and impersonal. But I'd do it. These folks are more than I can handle.

I did not mean for it to sound so cold, but maybe that is how it has to be for now. I mean you can not surround yourself with people who bring you down and cause you problems ... remember misery loves company

Thanks for all the advice guys;
:)
I'm going to try and stay in contact with her, and when she decides to start getting her life on track, I'll be there to help her and support her, but I won't do it for her. I guess that's all I can do.

stick to your guns!