Should I go to the one I have loved for a very long time (first) or should I stay with the woman I have been with for 26 years ? Now I love this woman of 26 years but ! its not the same feeling I have for the first love. She Loves me also she has nothing to tie her down so to speak. As for me I don't really either. I have two places one in the city and the other in the country . My wife is a city girl and she has told me mighty fast she would not live in the country. She stays in town because of her work and taking care of her dad every other week. Then she comes to the country on alternating week ends. I have one child by her he is 22 and she want let him take on responsiblity. He has been with me since the ninth grade. I finaly got him through High School . He has'nt paid his way and his mom does'nt think her baby boy should pay for staying with me. Thats another matter anyway I'm thinking of letting her just have the place in the city, about 72 miles from here. Just guessing I think it is worth around 250.000 0r more. The country farm 40 acres I have no idea what its worth . But I'm thinking of giving it to my son and just walk the hell away. I feel like I'm just a dollar to them anyway I have an income retirement that would take care of my needs and a good woman heading in the same direction that I am. The woman of 26 years has nothing in common with me. She complained and said I never was like that , Liking the country life. I said I was working for a living I did'nt have a choice and If you work in the city it would be better to live in the city. Anyone with any sense at all could see that. I love the country and I not only eat catsup but tomato's too. She eats catsup but no tomato nothing green excepted corn, potato's, pea's. No dried bean at all. What should I do ? I am so depressed at times. I'm afraid If I do go with my old love she might get stuck taking care of an old worn out peace of junk. She spent a good part of her life doing that already and I don't want her to do that again . Should I do nothing and tell her to forget me. I'm just afraid I will be a burden to her?

Sounds like you are trying to justify cheating on or leaving your wife to me.

And what's up with the catsup analogy? weird.....

stay with your wife.... but **** the other girl on the side

Seek marriage counseling, don't cheat on your wife.

Sounds like you are trying to justify cheating on or leaving your wife to me.

And what's up with the catsup analogy? weird.....
Wrong about justifying cheating. If I were going to cheat I would'nt have to ask or get approval from no one. The catsup was just showing how so different we are. Of course I can't exspect good advice from someone who has never been there . We both have raised a family. And I have been faithful . As for counsel . I don't believe after me loving a person for some forty years counsel would not change how I feel toward this person .There's no children involved and I could care less about worldly goods . Its not about sex. Its about companionship. If anyone knows the meaning of that ? If I were 25 to 30 years younger you could bet your ass it would be about sex. Its about heading in the same direction pulling the same load enjoying what each other likes . Oh well I should'nt have to explain. Have a good night .

Well, if you didn't want advice, ya didn't have to ask. :shrug:

You only live once. There are no do overs. Do not commit adultery, but do not live a lie. You are an adult, your son is an adult. To me, it sounds as if you two almost live seperate lives anyway. It IS your life too. I dont know if you can recapture something from your first love- but if what you have with your wife really isnt true...you need to divorce, THEN begin pursuit of someone new.

Divorce hurts. But, living a lie hurts more. Dont cheat- do it the right way and be honest... She may be feeling the same way...you may never know. A life with the companion that is meant for you may be out there - and the same for your wife.

Thanks Gena I was thinking along those lines. and Betty I know you ment well and I'm sorry if I offended you . I ment no harm . I guess I was hoping to find someone who had been down the road I'm on . I just needed to vent I guess or just, I hate to say it cry on someone 's shoulder. I'm a grown man and I sholud be ashamed of telling other people I don't even know about my situation. I guess hoping for some kind of miracle ? I guess I'll just leave it be. I don't want to hurt anyone. Sorry......

No worrys. Not really offended.
My marriage ended very badly with my ex cheating on me, and the reasons she gave were the same as the ones you're giving. If you must end the marriage, you need to handle it differently than my ex did or you are really going to hurt your wife. When it happened to me, I was extremely suicidal for about a 6 month period.

My marriage too, ended due to my (ex)husbands cheating...ran into his high school sweet heart and they were both unhappy in their marriages....were planning a life together while married....with children.

Be honest with your wife

after 26 years, you owe her that much

Thats whats hurts so bad . I'm open with my wife. She knows about the other woman and I don't know how to handle this . You see the woman I'm with is my second marriage . My first was not my High school sweet heart. It was I guess a lust thing . I dated her one time and married her in Dec. drafted in Feb. I realize I had screwed up and went to my high school sweet heart and ask for her to for give me . That when I got out of service I would get a divorce and we would get married if she would wait ? She said she would she had one more year in High school . I went into service thinking she would wait. I wrote letter's several letter's to her but , she never answered not a one . When I did get out of service I had a 16 month old baby. But still I was in love with my High school sweet heart . I went to find her . I found out she had married through a close mutual friend . That she had a baby and she would'n't be able or should'nt have anymore children. That did'nt matter to me . I just wanted to ask her to her face how she felt and I was willing to let it be. You would just have to know how we were raised to understand how our parents felt about marriage back then. Once Married always married was the way they thought. So her parents mostly mom kelpt us apart thinking they were protecting her or I suppose the right thing . So you see You guys are just getting part of the picture. I just wish I had a better education . Maybe I could explain it a lot better. Believe me there is a lot more . Its hard to realize how fast time goes by. I don't blame her for not waiting. I broke her heart once how could she trust me again. Anyway she married as I said and stayed with this man until he died. She had 4 children I think 30 years they were married, the last ten she was a nurse for him. She said she had worked in a nursing home and she knew how most of them treated the sick or elder's and she just could'nt go that route. We have always loved each other I was her first love and no dought I will be her last. We gave our hearts to each other a long time ago. I knew in my heart she would always be mine no matter where or who she might be with. Its a love that most has never experienced. And Bo believe me I know how you feel. The 1st marriage was quick. I did'nt love her at first but I stayed with her. I guess because I could'nt have the one I was really in Love with. I had a little girl that was my love as time went by I had another little girl and I thought I had put my first love behind everything was looking good I thought 71 a girl 72 a little boy. And I was falling in love with my wife. Of course we had ups and down but still I was falling in love with my wife from 1965 to 78 I never once heard my wife tell me she loved me un-less I asked her. "do you love me" . All those years I never felt love but that was ok . I figured that was just her way. Besides those children showed me a lot of love. Anyway Bo my wife got involved with another guy. She started working at a little shop a snack and a guy hit on her. She was working closing hours and she told me about this same guy coming in around closing time . Offered to help mop or clean up. I did'nt think to much about it at the time. But now looking back I see what he was doing. But still you would think a woman would know what a guy like that was up to. Anyway he got a trophy one time, but it was all it took to destroy my marriage. I couldn't figure out what went wrong when I came home from work that afternoon and her and the children were gone. I thought she left because I had gone fishing that past week end with my dad. But the truth was she committed adultry and could'nt face me. Women give signs when they have cheated or about to cheat. I should have picked up on those signs . Looking back I could see them. But then I was to busy with my children beings mom seem to care nothing about her work. About "breath freshners" More concern about her looks and perfume. After hearing from her all the details while we were laying in bed right down to the towel this guy had brought to wipe them selfs. I thought how in the hell could she do this give a man something that I thought belong to me when it seem I always had to beg for love. God It tore my heart out of my chest. I could not eat very seldom sleep and cried for 3 days and nights . I had no one to turn to no one to talk to. Yes Bo I have been thereand if it had not been for the little ones I might committed suscide myself. I guess thats why I love my second in a different love. She has been good to me and I have to her also. We are open to each other at least I don't keep nothing from her. I don't want her to ever be surprized, shocked like I had . So I Just don't know what I'm going to do. What ever I do It want be easy

If you're going to leave your wife, don't leave her for another woman. Leave her for your own reasons that are completely independent of another's influence.

Ask yourself this: If it weren't for this other woman, would you still be thinking about leaving your wife?

Should I go to the one I have loved for a very long time (first) or should I stay with the woman I have been with for 26 years ? Now I love this woman of 26 years but ! its not the same feeling I have for the first love. She Loves me also she has nothing to tie her down so to speak. As for me I don't really either. I have two places one in the city and the other in the country . My wife is a city girl and she has told me mighty fast she would not live in the country. She stays in town because of her work and taking care of her dad every other week. Then she comes to the country on alternating week ends. I have one child by her he is 22 and she want let him take on responsiblity. He has been with me since the ninth grade. I finaly got him through High School . He has'nt paid his way and his mom does'nt think her baby boy should pay for staying with me. Thats another matter anyway I'm thinking of letting her just have the place in the city, about 72 miles from here. Just guessing I think it is worth around 250.000 0r more. The country farm 40 acres I have no idea what its worth . But I'm thinking of giving it to my son and just walk the hell away. I feel like I'm just a dollar to them anyway I have an income retirement that would take care of my needs and a good woman heading in the same direction that I am. The woman of 26 years has nothing in common with me. She complained and said I never was like that , Liking the country life. I said I was working for a living I did'nt have a choice and If you work in the city it would be better to live in the city. Anyone with any sense at all could see that. I love the country and I not only eat catsup but tomato's too. She eats catsup but no tomato nothing green excepted corn, potato's, pea's. No dried bean at all. What should I do ? I am so depressed at times. I'm afraid If I do go with my old love she might get stuck taking care of an old worn out peace of junk. She spent a good part of her life doing that already and I don't want her to do that again . Should I do nothing and tell her to forget me. I'm just afraid I will be a burden to her?


well, whatever you do, don't cheat on your wife. If you feel you must be with your first love, you need to talk to your wife, and file for divorce. But no matter what you do, do NOT cheat on your wife.

He sure types a lot... Also, the errors! Oh the errors.

I second, the 'leave for you not another woman' thing. Which is another thing that I meant, but may have not been apparent in my post.